Am I right to be angry?
Discussion
So sorry to read this OP.
We lost my aunt at a similar age who was also an alcoholic. In her case she broke her arm, went to bed and never got out of it, self medicating with whisky. In the end she died of septicemia and cirrhosis of the liver.
I was angry too. It meant my grandma saw her youngest daughter die, meant my Mum has had no sister for almost 30 years (and they were very close) and, worst of all, she never met any of her grandchildren.
You have my heartfelt condolences.
We lost my aunt at a similar age who was also an alcoholic. In her case she broke her arm, went to bed and never got out of it, self medicating with whisky. In the end she died of septicemia and cirrhosis of the liver.
I was angry too. It meant my grandma saw her youngest daughter die, meant my Mum has had no sister for almost 30 years (and they were very close) and, worst of all, she never met any of her grandchildren.
You have my heartfelt condolences.
DodgyGeezer said:
Well an unexpectedly short and, for me, tragic update.
My sister died this morning, 53 thanks to decades of alcohol abuse/misuse along with a refusal to seek medical help when it was obviously needed
The, scant, consolation I have is that it was mercifully quick - some poor family on the same ICU were given the same news and their relative had been in for 4-months only for that hope to be dashed.
Please accept my condolences. Sadly you and your family are not alone and the problem for many is they now start looking at what they could have done differently. There will be little you could have done to help, just try not to let individuals take any sort of blame for this tragedy and move on when you feel the time is rightMy sister died this morning, 53 thanks to decades of alcohol abuse/misuse along with a refusal to seek medical help when it was obviously needed
The, scant, consolation I have is that it was mercifully quick - some poor family on the same ICU were given the same news and their relative had been in for 4-months only for that hope to be dashed.
LunarOne said:
So sorry to hear this OP. I know how it feels to have a family member comatose and in a very bad way - although it was due to a routine operation going wrong. Thankfully in my case, that person made it back to decent health.
One of my closest friends drinks far too much in my opinion. I visited her on Sunday afternoon and by 6pm she was pretty merry. By the time I left her at about 11.30pm she'd polished off four more bottles of wine on her own. I don't drink at all unless out and having a meal in a restaurant, or when I'm on holiday somewhere where I don't have the use of a car, so perhaps my perception is somewhat skewed.
She'll have a bottle or two every evening after work, and for her it's completely normal. I'm pretty sure she's drinking way too much. But she is very successful in her sales job and she is fully competent when not drunk - I used to work with her. I don't know how she does it. She's mid 40s and I really worry about her. I've mentioned it to her but she doesn't think it's too much of a problem as it doesn't affect her life negatively. But I can't see how this can continue and there's nothing I can do. She's always been like this for as long as I've known her.
4 bottles of wine on a Sunday and still able to get up for work on a Monday? Christ how is that possible if I had 1 bottle I’d be nackered. Since kids have come along my intake is measured in small glasses not bottles just can’t do it. One of my closest friends drinks far too much in my opinion. I visited her on Sunday afternoon and by 6pm she was pretty merry. By the time I left her at about 11.30pm she'd polished off four more bottles of wine on her own. I don't drink at all unless out and having a meal in a restaurant, or when I'm on holiday somewhere where I don't have the use of a car, so perhaps my perception is somewhat skewed.
She'll have a bottle or two every evening after work, and for her it's completely normal. I'm pretty sure she's drinking way too much. But she is very successful in her sales job and she is fully competent when not drunk - I used to work with her. I don't know how she does it. She's mid 40s and I really worry about her. I've mentioned it to her but she doesn't think it's too much of a problem as it doesn't affect her life negatively. But I can't see how this can continue and there's nothing I can do. She's always been like this for as long as I've known her.
I've just seen your update OP. I'm very sorry for your loss. It must be especially galling that the person you are angry at is the person you have lost. Please try not to feel guilty about that anger. It's only natural and nobody will blame you. In time I hope you'll find a way to reconcile it with the grief.
Sorry for your loss OP.
To be honest, having experience of a relative in our family who is addicted to drink and drugs, you have my admiration that you care enough to be angry.
Most of the family have abandoned our addict relative. She has lied and stolen from family to feed her habit and abused all offers of help.
I hope you can take some time out to make the most of your holiday. There was nothing you could have done.
To be honest, having experience of a relative in our family who is addicted to drink and drugs, you have my admiration that you care enough to be angry.
Most of the family have abandoned our addict relative. She has lied and stolen from family to feed her habit and abused all offers of help.
I hope you can take some time out to make the most of your holiday. There was nothing you could have done.
Awfully sad news. My sympathies.
Our family have been touched by the same horrible disease; a husband & wife, both went due to it, leaving their son alone.
It is sadly one of those things that does seem to be almost impossible to stop when someone’s in its grip.
I hope you & the family can find some peace over the coming days & weeks.
Our family have been touched by the same horrible disease; a husband & wife, both went due to it, leaving their son alone.
It is sadly one of those things that does seem to be almost impossible to stop when someone’s in its grip.
I hope you & the family can find some peace over the coming days & weeks.
Sorry to see the update OP.
Very reminiscent of my mother who died in 1999 at the age of 52. 10 years of half a bottle of vodka followed by 4 cans of Tennents Super or similar every evening eventually saw her off.
We, her family, spent years trying to persuade her to cut back, but it didn't stop her, she was a very intelligent woman and knew what she doing, it was her choice even if subconsciously. But that's the problem with addiction like that, the mind persuades you you need it.
The impacts of her drinking took about 3-4 years to finally take her, started with a bout of full on meningitis which she recovered from, but she would get regular serious infections over the next few years and each was just a little worse, and the drugs a little less effective.
She had most of that time to take stock and change her drinking, but she couldn't / wouldn't do it , the drink really does take a strong grip.
So don't blame yourselves, don't blame your sister, just try to accept it and remember her fondly.
Very reminiscent of my mother who died in 1999 at the age of 52. 10 years of half a bottle of vodka followed by 4 cans of Tennents Super or similar every evening eventually saw her off.
We, her family, spent years trying to persuade her to cut back, but it didn't stop her, she was a very intelligent woman and knew what she doing, it was her choice even if subconsciously. But that's the problem with addiction like that, the mind persuades you you need it.
The impacts of her drinking took about 3-4 years to finally take her, started with a bout of full on meningitis which she recovered from, but she would get regular serious infections over the next few years and each was just a little worse, and the drugs a little less effective.
She had most of that time to take stock and change her drinking, but she couldn't / wouldn't do it , the drink really does take a strong grip.
So don't blame yourselves, don't blame your sister, just try to accept it and remember her fondly.
DodgyGeezer said:
Bright Halo said:
Please know that by sharing on here you are helping others so thank you.
Hmmm That said if it, even partly, helps someone else I'm happy to sob my heart out
You have my sympathies.
A friend of my wife is going down a similar route, I feel.
Lives life in a ‘gilded cage’ in many ways.
Not only does she like to drink she encourages others, so she has an excuse to carry on as well.
It hit a mate of mine last year at a kid’s birthday- he said the next day ‘how did I get so drunk?’ Realised it’s because this lady goes around topping people up.
I had to take her own child home with me at a birthday function for her husband as he (child) kept putting a sharp plastic toy in his mouth. I told her three or four time - but too drunk to care. Took the lad home with my daughter (both 5 at the time).
Couple of instances where my wife has gone to see her. She lives in a luxury hotel with a beach club (husband is GM). My wife has got absolutely battered- drinking champagne all afternoon. Instances of our daughter (and the son) being there and left in hands of staff and one of my wife driving back home.
My wife is very aware now that she either takes daughter/car and does not touch a drop or she gets a taxi and has to stay over there. She was mortified with her behaviour but even now this lady will push her to just have ‘one drink’, despite knowing the situation.
They are (drinking aside) a nice couple. We went on a family weekend with them…she was on champagne by 11:00. Pissed by 14:00.
They are keen to do another holiday but I have had to speak to her husband and say that ‘family’ to me is not getting drunk. I’m of a firm view that young children should not see parents drunk and being exposed to her and, to a certain extent him, might normalise this sort of thing for my daughter. Not happening. Also, how can I trust them to look after my child.
I find myself having to look after two kids in pools on waterslides etc. The parents focus will be on the wine list or cocktail menu.
Swimming competition at school last Wednesday - they were late and disorganised because had been at a function at the hotel until 02:00 with some Michelin starred chef…both hungover. Excuse was food was not great so they ‘had to’ drink more instead.
I make the point (to my wife) that if they had been drinking in a flat roof pub until 02:00 people would see it very very differently. Similarly if their kid drowned because they were too busy drinking cheap sangria around a hotel pool in Benidorm: they’d be scumbags. It’s exactly the same though.
Thing is they are always so sorry after something has happened, remorse etc Then the next week; something will happen again. Alcohol is insidious: ruins childhoods, friendships, health etc etc…
Some people just can’t help themselves though. Very very sad.
A friend of my wife is going down a similar route, I feel.
Lives life in a ‘gilded cage’ in many ways.
Not only does she like to drink she encourages others, so she has an excuse to carry on as well.
It hit a mate of mine last year at a kid’s birthday- he said the next day ‘how did I get so drunk?’ Realised it’s because this lady goes around topping people up.
I had to take her own child home with me at a birthday function for her husband as he (child) kept putting a sharp plastic toy in his mouth. I told her three or four time - but too drunk to care. Took the lad home with my daughter (both 5 at the time).
Couple of instances where my wife has gone to see her. She lives in a luxury hotel with a beach club (husband is GM). My wife has got absolutely battered- drinking champagne all afternoon. Instances of our daughter (and the son) being there and left in hands of staff and one of my wife driving back home.
My wife is very aware now that she either takes daughter/car and does not touch a drop or she gets a taxi and has to stay over there. She was mortified with her behaviour but even now this lady will push her to just have ‘one drink’, despite knowing the situation.
They are (drinking aside) a nice couple. We went on a family weekend with them…she was on champagne by 11:00. Pissed by 14:00.
They are keen to do another holiday but I have had to speak to her husband and say that ‘family’ to me is not getting drunk. I’m of a firm view that young children should not see parents drunk and being exposed to her and, to a certain extent him, might normalise this sort of thing for my daughter. Not happening. Also, how can I trust them to look after my child.
I find myself having to look after two kids in pools on waterslides etc. The parents focus will be on the wine list or cocktail menu.
Swimming competition at school last Wednesday - they were late and disorganised because had been at a function at the hotel until 02:00 with some Michelin starred chef…both hungover. Excuse was food was not great so they ‘had to’ drink more instead.
I make the point (to my wife) that if they had been drinking in a flat roof pub until 02:00 people would see it very very differently. Similarly if their kid drowned because they were too busy drinking cheap sangria around a hotel pool in Benidorm: they’d be scumbags. It’s exactly the same though.
Thing is they are always so sorry after something has happened, remorse etc Then the next week; something will happen again. Alcohol is insidious: ruins childhoods, friendships, health etc etc…
Some people just can’t help themselves though. Very very sad.
BoRED S2upid said:
4 bottles of wine on a Sunday and still able to get up for work on a Monday? Christ how is that possible if I had 1 bottle I’d be nackered. Since kids have come along my intake is measured in small glasses not bottles just can’t do it.
Practice. Years ago an aunt used to drink between 12 and 15 bottles of gin a week, with little signs of it. Went to bed one night, dropped a fag in the bedding, and died of smoke inhalation and burns.28 years old, had resisted all attempts to help.
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