Why did you have children?
Poll: Why did you have children?
Total Members Polled: 194
Discussion
“Why did you have children?”……
I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “f
k !”
I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “f
k !”I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
I voted 'Other' mainly because when I was younger I assumed I would have children. It was only after several years of marriage that I realised it was clearly a priority for my dearly beloved. 
. The day she asked me to go to GP appointment to check out whether I was firing blanks is seared on my mind.
Long story short is that after providing the necessary it turned out she was pregnant with our first daughter. 15 months later we were graced with No.2 daughter and 24 months (almost to the day) No.3 daughter. No.3 had been a forlorn hope for a boy. I was tempted to go for No.4 to resolve the male drought but in the end decided against it.
No regrets - I really couldn't imagine life without them and they have since introduced us to long-term partners/husbands that exhibit a football obsession (mainly Arsenal!) which I truly don't understand
. The day she asked me to go to GP appointment to check out whether I was firing blanks is seared on my mind.Long story short is that after providing the necessary it turned out she was pregnant with our first daughter. 15 months later we were graced with No.2 daughter and 24 months (almost to the day) No.3 daughter. No.3 had been a forlorn hope for a boy. I was tempted to go for No.4 to resolve the male drought but in the end decided against it.
No regrets - I really couldn't imagine life without them and they have since introduced us to long-term partners/husbands that exhibit a football obsession (mainly Arsenal!) which I truly don't understand
105.4 said:
“Why did you have children?”……
I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “fk !”
I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
Wow!I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “f
k !”I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
The (now) wife wasn't particularly paternal and as a late teen was adamant she didn't want kids, however she fell pregnant young, I was younger and hey presto she became a mum at 18 and me a dad at 17!
Number 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Number 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Edited by HTP99 on Sunday 28th April 22:45
HTP99 said:
The (now) wife wasn't particularly paternal and as a late teen was adamant she didn't want kids, however she fell pregnant young, I was younger and hey presto she became a mum at 18 and me a dad at 17!
Number 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Fair play to youNumber 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Edited by HTP99 on Sunday 28th April 22:45
I am mid-40s and cannot even begin to comprehend having a daughter in their late 20s, let alone grandchildren.
Ticked always wanted them but my wife more so. I've found having kids challenging and rewarding thankfully more of the latter. We were early 30's when we had our first and mid to late 30's when we had our second and we now have one of each and will be no more. We'd been together for pretty much a decade before our first came along. In that time we travelled a lot, renovated a house from top to bottom got ourselves in a stable financial position. It was just something we both wanted I guess. I would say that we just kind of winged it as parents-I guess most people do. I think it would help if we discussed what kind of parents we wanted to be etc prior to jumping in both feet first.
We're pretty good at still doing stuff that doesn't include the rest of the family and to give a break away from the kids, nights away and short breaks abroad with friends, IMO it's important to retain some of your own identity rather than just being a parent/husband/wife/partner.
I don't know what I'd do with my time now if I didn't have kids, I'd certainly be richer, the vast majority of my friends have kids so socialising tends to revolve around respective family calendars. My wife and I jest about what exactly we did with our time before we had kids, you certainly value your time more when you do have them.
We're pretty good at still doing stuff that doesn't include the rest of the family and to give a break away from the kids, nights away and short breaks abroad with friends, IMO it's important to retain some of your own identity rather than just being a parent/husband/wife/partner.
I don't know what I'd do with my time now if I didn't have kids, I'd certainly be richer, the vast majority of my friends have kids so socialising tends to revolve around respective family calendars. My wife and I jest about what exactly we did with our time before we had kids, you certainly value your time more when you do have them.
I was from a big family and really just took it as the course of life that you have a family. I didn't feel pressured into it though.
It's tough at times and you do give up a lot for it but to me the good far outweighs the bad. We have 4 now and that's enough!
I do wonder what I and the wife would do if we didn't have any now. We don't have a lot of cash so likely wouldn't be travelling the world.
Having kids has given us great memories and always something to look forward too.
It's tough at times and you do give up a lot for it but to me the good far outweighs the bad. We have 4 now and that's enough!
I do wonder what I and the wife would do if we didn't have any now. We don't have a lot of cash so likely wouldn't be travelling the world.
Having kids has given us great memories and always something to look forward too.
I'm from a large family (4 siblings) and sow as my wife (she's the youngest of 8) so it just seemed the normal/natural thing to do.
Fortunately, probably more through luck than judgement they've all grown up fairly normal, fairly happy kids and are all now working. me and Mrs C can't wait for the grandkids to turn up.
Fortunately, probably more through luck than judgement they've all grown up fairly normal, fairly happy kids and are all now working. me and Mrs C can't wait for the grandkids to turn up.
Muzzer79 said:
HTP99 said:
The (now) wife wasn't particularly paternal and as a late teen was adamant she didn't want kids, however she fell pregnant young, I was younger and hey presto she became a mum at 18 and me a dad at 17!
Number 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Fair play to youNumber 2 came along 6.5 years later after a miscarriage, we weren't particularly trying as such we both just thought it would be nice to have a second, if it happened..... it did!
So in all honesty no real desire to have kids from either of us however we both love having 2 daughters, both of which have turned into fine young women, there have been a few bumps along the way but I'm very proud to say I've 2 lovely and fantastic daughters and 2 grandsons.
Youngest is 25, eldest is 31 (32 in a few months), eldest has given us 2 grandsons; 10 and 3, I'm 49, the wife is a year older at 50, I became a grandad at 38, we are all really close as a family and I love it.
Edited by HTP99 on Sunday 28th April 22:45
I am mid-40s and cannot even begin to comprehend having a daughter in their late 20s, let alone grandchildren.
k that", the wife is the same.Funny thing is I often get mistaken for my eldest's partner when we are together and I have got the tongues wagging at the school gate when I've picked up my eldest grandson from school.
105.4 said:
“Why did you have children?”……
I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “fk !”
I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
I see there's been a bit of a pile on, but you know what it's okay to say you didn't' want kids, had kids because of spousal pressure and regret it. You're certainly not alone and all this BS when every parent has to pretend their kids are little angels and the centre of their universe helps no one. I didn’t want any children…..Ever.
I knew I’d be a lousy Father, just like my own Father was, and his Father before him, and his Father before him, etc. And my suspicions have proven repeatedly to be correct. I just don’t possess any paternal instincts.
My Wife always said that she didn’t want children either, and I was very happy with that. It was one of the main reasons why I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.
Then one day, shortly after she’d turned 30, one of her friends came over with her newborn, and something just clicked inside of my Wife. Maternal instinct kicked in hard. I could tell just by the look in her eyes that I was f#cked, literally and metaphorically.
The problem with having children is that there’s no half measures, no compromise. You either have them or you don’t.
After nearly a year of my steadfast resistance, my Wife presented me with an ultimatum. We either have children or she couldn’t see a future for us. “f
k !”I had arranged to have a vesectomy done privately without the knowledge of my Wife, but on the morning of the procedure, a very close friend and confidant talked me out of it.
My Wife had her implant removed. Weeks passed, then months, all the while without a bun in the oven. Lovemaking turned from spontaneous and passionate, into cold, clinical and a scientific experiment with charts and calendars and diets and temperature readings. I felt less and less like a loved Husband and more and more like a sperm donor and stunt cock.
Finally my Wife became pregnant. She was overjoyed. I, less so.
8.25 months later our daughter was born. Seemingly the Keystone Cops were running the maternity department during the 39.5 hours my Wife was in labour. Four babies failed to survive birth at that hospital during that time, and our own daughter was very nearly one of them. I was told that her chances of surviving her first night were “low” and she spent the first nine days of her life on a ventilator in the HDU.
My Wife was also critically ill and spent three weeks in intensive care. Legal action commenced against the hospital. They closed ranks and conveniently lost all of the medical records relating to my Wife’s labour / daughters birth.
What have I learnt during the last 13 years of being a parent?
I learnt that no matter what your child does wrong, they can do no wrong in their Mothers eyes.
I’ve learnt that once you’ve donated your sperm, you’ll no longer be Manchester United in your Wife’s eyes and instead find yourself relegated to being Acrington Stanley. You’ll only be there to pay the bills. Nothing more. You’re essentially a walking ATM. Your child will be blessed with gold, frankincense and myrrh whenever they click their fingers, whilst you, the person working 80+ hours a week, 7 days a week, will have to beg, plead and argue to even get any scraps.
To any of you out there who happen to be reading this who are considering having children, I have only one word of advice…..
RUN !
I'm also a reluctant father.
My Wife has a 4yo when we first met. We got closer, moved in together and without his biological father being in the picture (nor wanting to be) I asked him if he wanted me to be his Dad, he said yes and that was about as formal as our adoption process got. When we got married, we changed his surname by deed poll and that was that.
Within weeks of getting married my Wife was dropping big hints about wanting another Kid, I was steadfastly against it. I'd been made redundant a few months before we got married and came very close to having to cancel it. We were broke, living in social housing and barely scrapping by. I'd always said we needed to buy our own place before we got married, let alone had another child. I'd also been told, in a roundabout sort of way, it was 'get married, or we're done' so we had a modest wedding.
Our Daughter was born 14 months after our wedding day. 'An accident' apparently, I'd be amazed, staggered actually if even 50% of the people who have children by 'accident' actually did, it's a fairytale told to some expectant Dads.
I love my Children, my Son had a very troubled time through High School, it was a hellish journey for all of us, and he's prone to Narcissistic meltdowns which is horrible to be part of, but at 18 he seems to be coming out of it and slowly we're figuring out how he wants to start life as an Adult with him. My Daughter is the absolute apple of my eye. She has her moments when you wonder if you might need a pint of milk all of a sudden, but for the most part, it's fantastic.
That doesn't mean I've changed my mind though, the first few years of having my Daughter were hellish, we were broke before, but suddenly needing to find £900 a month in Child Care, just to hand her over for 8 hours a day is not an experience I'd wish on anyone. I don't covet shiny things, but being on the breadline is incredibly tough, even decision seems like life and death and it took a huge toll on me. Raising small kids is incredibly tough for anyone, but doing it under those circumstances... I missed a lot of experiences with her, simply because we couldn't afford it, or I was working so much to keep the lights on at home.
We own our own place now, which was another big challenge, and life is pretty good. We always seem to be broke, or maybe those tough days have scarred me to the point I never feel comfortable about money however much I earn.
Ultimately though, as much as I love my family, I'm not one of those people who lives through them, I'm not content to go to work all week, just to spend my free time watching TV or taking the kids to all the clubs and sports stuff. The life I had mapped out for myself involved lots of travel and experiences, relaxed living, Sunday afternoons in the Pub and early retirement. Some of those things I can do when my Kids are grown, but some I will never have.
A few months after my Daughter was born, I booked myself in for the snip, it's not the nicest thing in the world to do, but I've no intention of being the victim of any more 'accidents'.
My Wife has a 4yo when we first met. We got closer, moved in together and without his biological father being in the picture (nor wanting to be) I asked him if he wanted me to be his Dad, he said yes and that was about as formal as our adoption process got. When we got married, we changed his surname by deed poll and that was that.
Within weeks of getting married my Wife was dropping big hints about wanting another Kid, I was steadfastly against it. I'd been made redundant a few months before we got married and came very close to having to cancel it. We were broke, living in social housing and barely scrapping by. I'd always said we needed to buy our own place before we got married, let alone had another child. I'd also been told, in a roundabout sort of way, it was 'get married, or we're done' so we had a modest wedding.
Our Daughter was born 14 months after our wedding day. 'An accident' apparently, I'd be amazed, staggered actually if even 50% of the people who have children by 'accident' actually did, it's a fairytale told to some expectant Dads.
I love my Children, my Son had a very troubled time through High School, it was a hellish journey for all of us, and he's prone to Narcissistic meltdowns which is horrible to be part of, but at 18 he seems to be coming out of it and slowly we're figuring out how he wants to start life as an Adult with him. My Daughter is the absolute apple of my eye. She has her moments when you wonder if you might need a pint of milk all of a sudden, but for the most part, it's fantastic.
That doesn't mean I've changed my mind though, the first few years of having my Daughter were hellish, we were broke before, but suddenly needing to find £900 a month in Child Care, just to hand her over for 8 hours a day is not an experience I'd wish on anyone. I don't covet shiny things, but being on the breadline is incredibly tough, even decision seems like life and death and it took a huge toll on me. Raising small kids is incredibly tough for anyone, but doing it under those circumstances... I missed a lot of experiences with her, simply because we couldn't afford it, or I was working so much to keep the lights on at home.
We own our own place now, which was another big challenge, and life is pretty good. We always seem to be broke, or maybe those tough days have scarred me to the point I never feel comfortable about money however much I earn.
Ultimately though, as much as I love my family, I'm not one of those people who lives through them, I'm not content to go to work all week, just to spend my free time watching TV or taking the kids to all the clubs and sports stuff. The life I had mapped out for myself involved lots of travel and experiences, relaxed living, Sunday afternoons in the Pub and early retirement. Some of those things I can do when my Kids are grown, but some I will never have.
A few months after my Daughter was born, I booked myself in for the snip, it's not the nicest thing in the world to do, but I've no intention of being the victim of any more 'accidents'.
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