Living in a very old house ( it was built in 1469 ) we are well aware that it has at least one ghost. Although she hasn't appeared for about ten years, things happen from time to time to convince us that she is still around. Indeed, even now none of our dogs will go into the gun room without showing signs of being terrified. Pumpkin, my wife's ten year old Border
Terrier bh, who normally wouldn't hurt a fly, actually bit me quite badly when I tried to take her into that room and Buster, my English Bull Terrier, who is as brave as a Lion, pissed all over the floor in terror.

However, we live with all of this, secure in the knowledge that the worst ghost was exorcised about thirty years ago when my Old Man ( whose normal response to priests, monks and padres was to set the dogs on 'em ), persuaded a Catholic
Priest to conduct three lengthy and dramatic exorcism ceremonies.

BUT, something has now happened to cause me to consider asking the Priest to make a return visit ! For the several nights I have heard a rhythmic squeaking noise in my bedroom ( no, it is not bed springs ! ). It sounds like a small piece of machinery. I have turned off all the machinery and equipment that operates within my wing of the house and the noise remained. It appeared to be coming from behind a very heavy oak bookcase that took two of my workers to move. And then we found the source of the noise !!!! Some years ago on holiday in Tijuana, Mexico, I visited an old junk shop where I found in a dusty corner a little plastic monkey about four inches tall who was stretched out on a park bench. Upon being wound up he would then commence to masturbate frantically, finally collapsing like he'd been hit with a hammer.

My wife hated this little monkey, who I called J. Arthur. She maintained he was " vulgar ". Sure enough, the next time we moved house he went missing. The wife blamed the removal men. Now, I know that my Old Man coveted J. Arthur, so he may have knicked him, or my wife may even have given him away, but how did J. Arthur wind up behind that book case ?
More intriguingly, how did his clockwork mechanism get wound up every night ?

That's a very old house.

There is no such thing as ghosts.

You obviously have a suggestable personality from the fact that you consider asking a priest to come and sort out your imaginary happenings, a viable option.

Worst 'Ive got a wking ghost' thread ever

If you can provide me with one scientific fact, provable under laboratory conditions, that suggests any existence of ghosts or the like, I will happily back down from my assertion.


As that won't happen (because the only "facts" that you will find are perpetuated either by people who stand to gain financially from the "existance" of ghosts, or by vulnerable people who desperately wish to cling on to the memory of a deceased person.)I'll carry on sleeping well and not worrying about imaginary friends.

It's very odd, but ghosts are always from about the 15thC onwards. Victorian usually, but occasionally a bit earlier.

Where are all the Neanderthal ghosts, the caveman ghosts, the Roman ghosts, the Viking ghosts?

Of all the millions of people that have died in Britain, why are ghosts no more than about 400 yrs old. Do they die of old age???

In short, it's a load of absolute cobblers, there's no such thing and anyone who seriously believes otherwise is bonkers.

They get reincarnated

maybe they are scared of guns?

its all part of the modern, bespoke service we offer nowadays. there just isn't the demand for for a traditional rattling chains apparition any more. shame if you ask me. these more modern hauntings are all well and good for a supermarket or a dual carriageway, but in older properties they are just out of place. i've always said you can't beat a good disembodied head haunting, but the demand just isn't there anymore. nowadays it's all about ipod enchantments, flickery lights and the occasional possession. have to move with the times though.

I assume the woman in black is winding him up?