Bit of a long one, but I'd be interested in getting people's opinions on this. I'll try to keep it brief, but hitting the key points.


I have a friend (I'll call him John) who is nearly 30. His whole life he has worked for his parents; who own a succesful business moving machinery. He isn't paid a wage as such, he just gets stuff bought for him and the odd bit of liquid cash. He still lives with his parents, although they had a large extension build so he has his own space. He works 6 days a week and about 12 hours a day on average.
All of his bank accounts, phone contracts, bills, general life paperwork are dealt with by his mum who pretty much runs the whole show. He has very little concept of the 'real world' and has no idea about things like credit ratings, paying bills etc.
That said, he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. He do anything, for anyone and is always offering to help out with things. He's a really nice guy and a good friend within our social circle.

His family are currently building a very large villa abroad, which he has been over there dealing with on and off over the last few years. Last year he met a girl (Lisa) and they started dating. John hasn't really had a serious relationship as his life revolves around working for the family, so this was all very new to him.

Initally his mum was very happy for him and loved the fact he had found himself a girlfriend, especially a local as it made things easier for them with regards to building the villa (paperwork etc). Everything was great for 12 months and they decided to get married. A date was booked over there and everything was pretty much sorted.

Last month there was a huge bust up between John's mum and Lisa, resulting in John's mum booking the next available flight back home and promising never to speak to Lisa again. The bust up was basically caused by a power struggle between John's mum and Lisa over control of John. John's mum is extremely controlling and can be unbearable if things are not done her way.

John stayed out there for another few weeks and then drove back with Lisa as we were going as a group on holiday. In the meantime, John's mum had burnt her passport, burnt all the wedding clothes and banned Lisa from coming to the house.

John kind of buried his head in the sand over all of this and was hoping it would blow over, sadly it has not and has now escalated very quickly. Lisa has tried to apologise for things getting heated and she just wants things to go back to normal, John's mum is not interested and completely ignores her.

Over the last few weeks, another friend (Craig) has been dragged into it. He also works for the family, but on a wage. John's mum has been talking to him and said that she will never forgive Lisa and, as his friends, we need to make John realise this. She ask Craig speak to John and convince him to leave Lisa. In the meantime, John's mum has emptied John's bank accounts, removed cash from his bedroom, taken his passport and basically cut him off from the family.

Last night we sat down with John and tried to make him understand how serious this was. John's mum had told Craig to pass on a message to John and make him aware she was eadly serious. He had three choices on her eyes:

1) Leave Lisa, stay in England, they will leave the villa to rot (bearing in mind it's cost them nearly £500,000 to build!) and everything will be forgotten about and go back to normal.

2) Marry her, move to England, work for the business but get paid a wage, have no support from the family and Lisa is not allowed near the house.

3) Marry her, stay in the foreign country and get cut off from the family. End of.

I have never felt so upset/sick/nervous/depressed/shocked as I did last night when I sat down with John and two mates, looked John in the eyes and told him that if he marries the woman he loves then his family will cut him loose forever.

Watching a grown man slowly realise how serious this had come, trying desperately to think of a solution to keep everyone happy, failing and then just cracking up as he realised he was doomed whatever course of action he took. This happy-go-lucky guy suddenly started talking openly about suicide as his whole world came crashing down around him. I have never felt anything like I did last night and I pray to God I never find myself in a similar situation.

The impression Craig gave was that John's mum expected us to convince John to leave Lisa and come back to the family. After a good 4-5 hours of talking, we decided there was only really one course of action.

So last night, at 11pm, we booked a one way ticket to the country where Lisa lives, Craig gave him £600 and picked up the passport from John's mum and then drove him to Gatwick for a 6am flight.

We have no idea if he'll be back, although we are hoping his sudden departure will shock John's mum into realising how crazy she is being and the fact she is driving her son away.

I have no idea why I have written this really, maybe it just seems a little more real.

So yeah, last night I hatched a plan with friends to send our mate to a foreign country to be with the woman he loves and save him from his control freak mother...

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent this

Nightmare and strikes a chord with me...

My girlfriend is currently 'banned' from the family home and dispised by my family (although I've always been independant so dont have the control issues). Not the best situation tbh

Definately the right thing to do though, things only get better in time! (my hope anyway!)

fk me - how the other half live eh.

TBH - his mum sounds like a top class fkwit who he is better off without.

Not much else to add really but good work from you and his other mates!

Very unpleasant situation but definitely the right decision.

That is very admirable. Well done!

Another vote here!

You've been good friends and backed up "John" in a crisis, helping him to think his way through the mess he's been put in. Good luck to him.

What an absolute she is!

I know it's easy fr me to say but I'd be inclined to let her get on with it!

Indeed, but remember he doesn't understand a 'normal' life as such. He has everything sorted for him.

He has gone abroad with only the money that Craig could pull together short notice. He doesn't really have any job skills, so his likelyhood of getting a job is slim.

He hasn't even got the option to move over here with her, as he doesn't have anykind of credit rating. He'd struggle to get a phone contract, let alone rent or buy.

Yes, except there is a little more to it than that.

If you are raised in that enviroment, you don't know any better. I'll mention that he has a brother who met a girl a fe years back and a similar thing happened, except this girl was English.

The mum hated her immediately, put the son on a wage and refused to do anything to help him. The guy is earning minimum wage, yet pretty much runs the company when the dad is not around. Hell, Craig gets paid more than the brother, all because the mum hates his girlfriend.