bored???...lonely???, instant chat to Barclays in India!!!

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Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
You have been connected to Pawan Sharma.
Pawan Sharma: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Pawan, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Good evening, my name is Mark
Pawan Sharma: Hi Mark, how are you?
Customer: good thankyou
Customer: and yourself?
Pawan Sharma: I am fine, thank you. How can I help you today?
Customer: i have a question that i require an answer to...
Pawan Sharma: Please go ahead Mark.
Customer: If a plane is traveling at takeoff speed on a conveyor belt and the belt is matching that speed in the opposite direction can the plane take off?
Pawan Sharma: I am not aware.
Customer: oh that is a shame, i do however have another question with regards to banking
Pawan Sharma: Yes please. I'll be happy to answer any relevant question.
Customer: with the current "credit crunch" would it be wise to buy shares in Barclays?
Customer: will their vaule rise or fall?
Pawan Sharma: I cannot comment on that, Mark.
Customer: hmm
Customer: i think you have been less than helpful today Pawan, i would like to speak to your team leader
Pawan Sharma: I am a specialist on e-savings account, e-savings Reward account, loans and Online Banking registrations. You can ask me relevant questions on these.
Customer: oh a loan, that would be good, can you give me some further information on these "loans"
Pawan Sharma: I am a specialist on e-savings and e-savings Reward accounts and can provide you the facts and features of these two.
Customer: i'm now confused as i was after a loan of about £20000, now you say you only do e-savings?
Pawan Sharma: You can apply for a loan Online, Mark.
Pawan Sharma: You asked me about a plane taking off.
Pawan Sharma: Are you a Barclays customer?
Customer: thanking you please..when do i recieve the monies?
Pawan Sharma: Do you mean money?
Customer: i did ask about a plane, but that doesn't matter now....
Customer: no i am not a Barclays customer at present
Customer: yes to the monies
Customer: can you put it in my bank account?
Pawan Sharma: Sorry, I don't understand that word.
Customer: if not i can come to your office and collect it
Pawan Sharma: I would appreciate if you could write correct English
Customer: which word do you not understand?
Pawan Sharma: "monies"
Customer: my english is correct
Customer: monies is the plural of money
Pawan Sharma: Perhaps.
Customer: theres no perhaps about it please feel free to check a dictionary
Pawan Sharma: Thank you for the information. Do you have further questions related to the products or services that we offer?
Customer: yes the loan....when do i recieve the money?
Pawan Sharma: Depends on how you submit the application form.
Pawan Sharma: It depends on how you sign your loan agreement. If you are registered for online banking and sign your loan agreement online you'll usually get your money within 3 hours, provided you have signed before 2 p.m. on a working day. If you sign after that time, you'll get your money the next working day. If you choose to print, sign and send the loan agreement in the post it will take approximately 3-5 working days. Finally, if you request the loan agreement to be sent in the post for signing and return, it will take approximately 7-10 working days.
Customer: and can you put it in my bank or do i need to collect it?
Pawan Sharma: Please read the above explanation.
Pawan Sharma: It will be put in to your bank account.
Customer: even if i do not have a bank account with yourselves?
Pawan Sharma: Then you cannot apply for a loan.
Customer: why?
Customer: do i have bad credit history?
Pawan Sharma: You would not be eligible to apply for a loan.
Pawan Sharma: For further information please contact our Lending Specialist Team, Telephone Number: 0800 716 598, 7 days a week, 08.00 - 22.00
Details of our call charges are available on the attached link.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...
Customer: that is bad news
Pawan Sharma: I cannot comment on that.
Customer: can i have a bank account or am i not eligible?
Pawan Sharma: .Do you have a current account with us?
Customer: no
Customer: can i have one?
Pawan Sharma: Please contact Central Telephony - Customer Services, Telephone number: 08457 555 555, 7 days a week, 07.00 - 23.00 Details of our call charges are available on the attached link.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...
Customer: are you a computer or a real person?
Pawan Sharma: I am a real person.
Pawan Sharma: I am a trained Barclays webchat advisor.
Customer: ok my questions are now finished!
Pawan Sharma: I hope I was helpful?
Customer: not particularly, but hey ho not to worry
Pawan Sharma: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.

Swapnajan M C: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Swapnajan, can I please ask what your name is?

Customer: Dirk diggler

Swapnajan M C: Hello Dirk, how are you doing today?

Customer: not so good as it happens my piles are painful, how are you?

Swapnajan M C: I am fine, how can I help you today?

Dirk Diggler: i have a great business idea, and i need a loan

Swapnajan M C: We offer both secured and unsecured loans. Can you please tell me what type of loan are you looking for?

Dirk Diggler: a loan where i can buy some planes and convert them into flying brothels, i think it could go global

Swapnajan M C: That's an interesting idea, you may find the following link helpful to find out which loan would be better for your needs. http://www.barclaysmicrosites.co.uk/loanschooser/c...

Dirk Diggler: thank you for your help i will take a look, bye

That's got to be newsworthy, surely?

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
You have been connected to Kubra Tabassum.
Kubra Tabassum: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Kubra, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: arthur dent
Kubra Tabassum: Hello Arthur, how are you?
Customer: rather worried
Kubra Tabassum: Can I be of any help?
Arthur Dent: possibly,
Kubra Tabassum: How can I help you?
Arthur Dent: there appear to be a fleet of vogon demolition ships surounding the planet waiting to demolish the earth to make way for a cosmic by pass
Arthur Dent: I need GBP24,000,000 to buy passage off the planet, could i raise that against my property in Knightsbridge?
Kubra Tabassum: You need to speak to our Lending specialist team, I can give you there number.
Arthur Dent: Please do.
Kubra Tabassum: Lending Specialist Team on 0800 716 598, 7 days a week, 08.00 - 22.00. Please see the attached link for details of our call charges.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...
Arthur Dent: Does this mean I can raise money against condemned property?
Kubra Tabassum: I have no information about that, Please speak to our Lending team.

Student loans? I've just got a £1k unsecured overdraft and new credit card from *drumroll* HBOS after leaving my job. Ironically I couldnt get a credit card from them when I'd been working for four years straight at teh same company.

I was wondering... is it possible that the Barclays share value has fallen due to reduced profits due to time wasting by PH users using their online chat facility?

at least they use their actual names instead of claiming to be 'kate' from milton keynes like they used too!.

I'm surprised noone has asked if they do loans for remapping of 335Ds or for taking girlfriends up the OXO Tower

Awesome stuff keep it up

I think they might be getting a bit wise to the piss taking, the early conversations were quite short but now they seem to be playing along a bit more.

I like yer thinking... it's just like the plot of Casino Royale. But not quite.