Carol concert - Am I over reacting?
Discussion
Right, I need the balanced opinion of the PH collective.
It's the school carol concert next Wednesday. It was all arranged as usual that I meet the ex outside the school and we watch the concert.
Here's the problem, there are only two tickets per family, but the ex says "I have asked for another so my boyfriend can come. Do you mind"?
MIND, the top of my head nearly came off!
Absolutely I
mind.
First, she chose to leave when my youngest was eighteen months old. I have struggled along as a single parent having my kids half the time etc. I do my best for them, and have worked hard to remain amicable for their sake, but this feels a bit like she is taking the piss.
She lives with her boyfriend (He's not the one she had the affair with) and I am ok with it, but he pretty much blanks me. I have made the effort to be friendly, but he rarely speaks unless absolutely necessary.
In my mind it sits something like.... Why should there be an atmosphere when it's MY kids carol concert. He is her boyfriend, but it stops there as far as am concerned.
Am I being precious about this or am I right to protect my paternal position?
I didn't blow my top, but I was quite short in my answer.
I'm off to kill some foxes and gas some cute furry animals to calm myself down
It's the school carol concert next Wednesday. It was all arranged as usual that I meet the ex outside the school and we watch the concert.
Here's the problem, there are only two tickets per family, but the ex says "I have asked for another so my boyfriend can come. Do you mind"?
MIND, the top of my head nearly came off!
Absolutely I
mind. First, she chose to leave when my youngest was eighteen months old. I have struggled along as a single parent having my kids half the time etc. I do my best for them, and have worked hard to remain amicable for their sake, but this feels a bit like she is taking the piss.
She lives with her boyfriend (He's not the one she had the affair with) and I am ok with it, but he pretty much blanks me. I have made the effort to be friendly, but he rarely speaks unless absolutely necessary.
In my mind it sits something like.... Why should there be an atmosphere when it's MY kids carol concert. He is her boyfriend, but it stops there as far as am concerned.
Am I being precious about this or am I right to protect my paternal position?
I didn't blow my top, but I was quite short in my answer.
I'm off to kill some foxes and gas some cute furry animals to calm myself down
Thanks for the "balanced view of the PH collective" 
Yup, there's only two tickets per family... probably for this exact reason. She hasn't asked me to give up my ticket, I don't think she'd dare
Had she approached things differently, I might not have felt the need to put my foot down.
If the approach was "I am thinking about inviting my boyfriend, how do you feel about bringing someone along" or similar I would probably have chuntered for a day or so and thought "Why not"
I've calmed down a little now as usually happens, but I like to keep some lines drawn in the sand. As long as these remain, I feel more comfortable. Unfortunately as we weren't married, the courts still need a few years to catch up on fathers rights.
When we next discuss it, as I am sure we will I'll put the "how would you feel if I decided to tell you I had asked for another ticket for a girlfriend" approach.
Having been bought up mainly by my father, the sitting apart bit is tricky. I remember not being sure where to look when my parents were at opposite sides of the room so as not to offend either one. I would rather my kids didn't have to think about this when they should be basking in the limelight as their parents watch them.
I don't intend to be deliberately confrontational, just firm about my views. Another year circumstances might be different and perhaps I'll have a different view.
Yup, there's only two tickets per family... probably for this exact reason. She hasn't asked me to give up my ticket, I don't think she'd dare
Had she approached things differently, I might not have felt the need to put my foot down.
If the approach was "I am thinking about inviting my boyfriend, how do you feel about bringing someone along" or similar I would probably have chuntered for a day or so and thought "Why not"
I've calmed down a little now as usually happens, but I like to keep some lines drawn in the sand. As long as these remain, I feel more comfortable. Unfortunately as we weren't married, the courts still need a few years to catch up on fathers rights.
When we next discuss it, as I am sure we will I'll put the "how would you feel if I decided to tell you I had asked for another ticket for a girlfriend" approach.
Having been bought up mainly by my father, the sitting apart bit is tricky. I remember not being sure where to look when my parents were at opposite sides of the room so as not to offend either one. I would rather my kids didn't have to think about this when they should be basking in the limelight as their parents watch them.
I don't intend to be deliberately confrontational, just firm about my views. Another year circumstances might be different and perhaps I'll have a different view.
I have pondered about this. There's only two tickets and I suspect this is the reason.
If it was me wanting to take someone then yes, I probably would feel differently. Perhaps if her boyfriend was a bit more sociable I might not feel quite so irked but I'm not happy about doing the sitting at different sides of the room thing.
It's tricky, we weren't married, so legally I am on a slippery wicket and can't really throw my toys out of the pram. I am quietly working on that for the future though.
All the mums at the school already give me a look as if I was the one who did wrong..... "Ooh, look at him, drives a Porsche, bet he went off with his secretary" etc. I don't enjoy it, but I keep quiet and get on with it.
As far as I'm concerned, it just sends out all the wrong messages!
I have spoken with her and she's going to say she couldn't get an additional ticket. I made my feelings clear and my reasons too. Hopefully, that's the crisis over for now.
If it was me wanting to take someone then yes, I probably would feel differently. Perhaps if her boyfriend was a bit more sociable I might not feel quite so irked but I'm not happy about doing the sitting at different sides of the room thing.
It's tricky, we weren't married, so legally I am on a slippery wicket and can't really throw my toys out of the pram. I am quietly working on that for the future though.
All the mums at the school already give me a look as if I was the one who did wrong..... "Ooh, look at him, drives a Porsche, bet he went off with his secretary" etc. I don't enjoy it, but I keep quiet and get on with it.
As far as I'm concerned, it just sends out all the wrong messages!
I have spoken with her and she's going to say she couldn't get an additional ticket. I made my feelings clear and my reasons too. Hopefully, that's the crisis over for now.
caro said:
At least she's listening to you, at the moment. From what you said earlier, you do have your child/ren's interests very much at the heart of your behaviour, so do consider piglet's post, it's well worth absorbing.
Good luck with everything...are you exploring the possibility of formal adoption?
Adoption
AAAAArgh, they are my own kids FFS.... Now you've gorn and done it.... 
Nope, I am thinking about a joint parenting order/agreement or something. Not too much of a problem right now, but if she wants to get married, then I'll want something formal protecting my rights
I have tried to get on with him. While things aren't tense, he generally avoids me. From what I can tell he's fine with my kids and they seem to get on with him, so that's ok for now.
Any idea where you can get those forms? I would certainly feel happier with one signed. I don't think it's necessary at the moment, as in fairness, she doesn't try to stop me seeing the kids and the majority of my mates have had it much rougher than I have. I have the girls half the time, can't say fairer than that.
If they get married, which may well happen I would be very keen to have something official in place beforehand. I'm not looking to unnecessarily antagonise things for the sake of it right now though as the better we get on, the better it is for my kids
We've been seperated for about three years now and have managed to avoid any official involvement and the longer I can keep it that way the better it is.
Things could be a lot worse, but it doesn't take much to put my back up. Perhaps it would make sense to get the form done sooner rather than later to put my mind at rest?
I have avoided broaching it thus far, as if things do go wrong I feel it strengthens my position if I can demonstrate that I have done everything possible to be their father.... But that may be a whole other thread
Any idea where you can get those forms? I would certainly feel happier with one signed. I don't think it's necessary at the moment, as in fairness, she doesn't try to stop me seeing the kids and the majority of my mates have had it much rougher than I have. I have the girls half the time, can't say fairer than that.
If they get married, which may well happen I would be very keen to have something official in place beforehand. I'm not looking to unnecessarily antagonise things for the sake of it right now though as the better we get on, the better it is for my kids
We've been seperated for about three years now and have managed to avoid any official involvement and the longer I can keep it that way the better it is.
Things could be a lot worse, but it doesn't take much to put my back up. Perhaps it would make sense to get the form done sooner rather than later to put my mind at rest?
I have avoided broaching it thus far, as if things do go wrong I feel it strengthens my position if I can demonstrate that I have done everything possible to be their father.... But that may be a whole other thread
Miss Pilgrim, is she the one I hope she is??? wedge girl said:
You shouldn't need a solicitor, I believe that as you were not married you may not be able to consent to your children having emergency treatment without one of these (although things might have changed and I could be wrong) so it would be in the childrens best interests for your ex to comply with one of these.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for that. Whoops, I always sign for my kids... It usually says parent/guardian, and I am, so I will 
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