Dealing with stress and anxiety

Really, I'd love to be able too but I know my wife would hate it.

Best thing for nerves ever but I can't with drug testing at my work.

I suffered absolutely debilitating anxiety as a young man I was actually quite ill when I look back 25 years later but I have come through it. I think many people that know me personally would be absolutely amazed as I hid it very well. There was a stigma back then too of course.

I always get shot down for this but please at all costs avoid SSRIs I understand for many people they rely on them but they are absolutely horrible drugs when you want to come off them. I believe they are massively over prescribed it's a scandal really. I think I spent 6 months on them before realizing it was the wrong approach and it took the better part of 3 years to get off them and be rid of the horrible side effects. Beta blockers are a win they helped me a lot back in the day. Haven't had any meds for 22 years luckily now.

I have developed coping techniques over the years and now I'm older I don't really get stressed in the same way but one thing I always think of which was a light bulb thing for me back then was to think of yourself as a glass and the water in the glass is stress. When you panic or feel highly stressed that water is brimming over as your brain can only take so much stress. The biggest help I have found in life generally is just to recognize when that stress is building up so you can deescalate it before it becomes too much. This is not as easy as it seems and took me a long time to get a handle on.

If you are finding certain situations stressful like social anxiety this is perfectly normal but if your background stress is high the perfectly normal social anxiety can tip that water level over so you blame or associate that specific situation but it can actually be just your general stress levels that are to blame.

We live in a very highly pressured world with all kinds of worries and stresses it's no surprise that things can get a bit out of hand now and again it's a normal reaction and loads of people suffer to varying degrees. At age 19 I wouldn't have thought I would be capable of handling the pretty considerable stresses I deal with now today (self employed in the motor trade the very worst job for a stress head!) The little stress devil is always there but you can learn to manage it. Taking some action to reduce even low level stress for a time is a start. Give your brain some breathing space. Sometimes you just need to slow down.

One other thing that might be a slightly unfashionable thing to say but is how I dealt/deal with it is I was always absolutely determined to overcome it. I always had a sheer bloody minded attitude towards it and although it's good to vent and certainly good to talk about it I always avoided taking too many steps towards wallowing in it. That might sound really harsh but I think some people do allow themselves to slip into a mindset that's not helpful as they make themselves feel helpless and it's not a helpless situation for the vast majority of people. It's brain chemistry at the end of the day and recognizing that things like over breathing alter this chemistry and these physiological changes actually change your thought processes.

I would add before signing off that my experience was/is competitively "easy" as there's no underlying trauma. These issues are far more serious if you have trauma and will be more suitable for professional help and meds. I was just burned out at work (at the age of 19/20!) I would say I was late 20s before I'd really got a proper grip of it so there are no quick fixes but you can do it.

Best of luck OP please stay positive though!

I found the beta blockers far more useful too. They helped me see the anxiety attacks as false alarms, which meant I could start to deal with them more logically. It's probably been a few months since I've used them, and I was down to a quarter of a tablet. I have to go to a week-long trade show in February and will have them with me.

I was OK getting off SSRIs - but I was on the lowest dose, do I halved three times over two months. I know others have had real trouble tapering, and I'm not sure how much they helped me.

As a separate thing, for noisy places I have Vibes and Flare earplugs, the firmer are better overall, bug the latter better when eating.

That's the ones.

I found a whole one made me feel very cold and "slow". Half was better, and as I felt more "aware" of the anxiety as a false response I could use just a quarter to stop that initial agitated feeling.

I think over time I've accredited most of my anxiety to certain factors, primarily job satisfaction, relationship health, alcohol consumption levels and finances. I endured a break up last year, 13 years (we'd been together since school practically) so my entire world as I knew it fell apart. I had to leave our home, and move into a family members house with nothing but four bags and a suit case. I'd just finished a degree also so had no job. Safe to say it was probably the lowest point of my life, I was suffering (and still do) panic attacks and I went off the rails a few times with the drink.

I've arrived at a much better headspace, not through medication or therapy or any traditional methods but just through sheer determination and I suppose, sutbborness. I was determined not to let my head win and started to take things a day at a time, started picking up old hobbies that I never had time for or cared for. I started to eat better and really take note of what I was consuming. Back to basics, I suppose.

New year, I've lost a couple of stone and currently viewing flats in a city I've never lived in before. I'm back into work, not where I'd like to be, but it's easy work and I'm surrounded by a good team. I'm seeing someone new which is a breath of fresh air. I still have plenty of bad days, but each 'good' day is a positive step in the right direction and another rung on the ladder to getting to a better place. A small victory, if you would. It can and does get better.

Some people have recommended drugs of various kinds and they can be helpful but the thing I realised when I trained in mindfulness (which I also recommend... but didn't in my first reply) is that drugs help but they mean you always have to rely on them at some point in your life whereas if you train your brain to respond differently, it means you don't have the issues you're dealing with. So whether you practice mindfulness or retrain your response via Taoism or Stoicism or by implementing the books recommended, this is how you can change things in the long run.

What you mentioned in your first paragraph is no doubt the “cause “ anxiety always has a cause , your subconscious mind was not at peace with all the background noise you had going on, your internal alarm (anxiety) was ringing loud to get your attention and make some changes.

I think you should try different therapies before any medication. Perhaps see a physiotherapist too regarding tensing up etc to see if there's any issues with your posture. How you carry yourself can have an effect on how you feel.

CBT can be done on your own or with another person - a search online will provide lots of resources.
Self-help books - read a few of them. I've personally read about a dozen. Some helped better than others.
Group therapy - would you be comfortable speaking in a group setting?
Mindfulness - breathing exercises can help in the moment, in my experience.

You might find the best thing for you is to speak to an actual therapist. The NHS is woefully underfunded in this department so going private is much better.

Ruminating and doing online tests to see if you have X or Y is a rabbit hole, so tread carefully if doing that.

Medication should be considered if the other stuff isn't working. I was on medication for a few years, took me the best part of a year to taper off them but it worked for me. It took a bit of trial and error at the start to find the right one and dosage.

Finding out what works for you is an individual thing. Good luck.

Not medical advice but things that have/are working for me... Not an exclusive list but from the top of my head...

1) ditching or seriously reducing social media. Twitter got completely ditched as it turned into negative toxic clickbait BS and I always left that site feeling more anxious than I was before. I read Instagram but don't have any personal friends on there, more for following accounts and have Reddit but again, only view the subs I've subscribed too. Both only on laptop, not mobile phone.

2) installed an ad blocker (apologies PH admins). For me it's a pain in the arse being constantly bombarded to buy stuff. Stuff I don't need but the science behind the ads keeps tempting me.

3) embraced minimalism. Can be very complicated or extremely simple. I do it the latter way - just ditched stuff I didn't use or didn't need. Quite liberating. Less processions, less stuff to worry about and maintain, less clutter, free-er mind.

4) reduced caffeine intake. I'm now pretty much an americano in the AM only. On the rare occasion I'll have one in the afternoon but PM is mostly decaf or just water cold.

5) reduced alcohol intake. This has been something I've been working on the last 5-6 months and it's really paying dividends now. Monthly alcohol consumption must be 80% lower than this time last year.

6) food and exercise - make time to prepare and eat proper food. No or limited takeaways and processed junk and make exercise part of the daily or weekly routine.

7) journaling is great for freeing up the mind. When the brain feels like it's spinning at a million mph, grab paper and a pen and write down what's flying around up there. Great for freeing up the brain again.

8) meditating is something I've added recently. People will have different methods but I just use headspace before bed.

When a therapist recommended these to me I thought what alot of middle class hippy BS. But amazingly they have worked wonders. They all help towards the most important thing for me, SLEEP. I was a horrendous sleeper before and seeing big improvements now. And the difference in anxiety between and a bad night and good night sleep is frightening.

Another huge help as mentioned above was seeing a therapist. Think I had 10 sessions at £75 a pop and worth every penny. Huge weight of my shoulders just as soon as I sat down and introduced myself to the chap.

Just to clarify - my reply wasn't haven't go at anyone nor judging anyone for taking something (because you don't need my judgement on top of whatever else you're going through!).

I agree that it can help if things are so bad that you cannot focus. In fact, The Priory do just that - if things are so bad that the client can't be helped through their service, they will administer a relevant drug to get things under control... and then begin the therapy or counselling.