Dealing with stress and anxiety

I could have pretty much written the OP myself. I've struggled a lot with this the last 10 years or so, especially since acquiring a GF, who absolutely puts no pressure on me and has been through the same herself, but the acquisition of a partner must have a big bearing, as that's when it started really.

I suffer a lot of social anxiety, and find myself, I always have to sit on the end of a row, I hate feeling trapped in the middle or not being able to find a way out.

My daily / weekly routine is very similar, not much changes. I used to love socialising in my 20s and was always road tripping somewhere, but nowadays, fear going anywhere! which is weird as I have been abroad and ill many a time but just dealt with it. I think I have some health anxieties, especially losing both parents before I'm 40.

Home life isn't exactly easy. Mrs has two kids from a previous relationship, now 11 and 15, both with Autism and ADHD, so home life is hard.

I'm about to have my first session of talking therapy next week. I'm very stubborn in my belief that it won't do jack, but its worth a go. GP prescribed me propanalol not long after we were released from Covid. Did absolutely nothing for me.

Feels a bit like I'm keeping a dirty secret, especially since I work in a mental health team for the NHS and I do actually know my talking therapist from a previous role, but that may well be a benefit rather than a negative. we'll see! I'd rather not take any SSRIs either, as I'm well aware of the side effects of most of them!

Had a bit of a crappy week this week for absolutely no reason at all. Waking up with headaches, stomach turning etc. I am currently having issues with dry eye as well, probably not helping my anxiety, especially as all my work is on a computer!

Vicious circles. Best wishes to everyone going through this, its not easy!

Well I have to admit, my job is far from stressful. I'm only Admin staff so have it easy.

It's just social anxiety and being in crowded places I struggle with. Physical disability probably doesn't help in this regard but I've been having days where I lie in bed in a morning and have the wishy washy stomach, feeling sick etc and if I had the choice I'd happily stay at home but have to get up and get my arse into gear

I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!

I don't think these are particularly unusual, much of the above seems to be quite a good description of introversion. Particularly the third point. I am an introvert and I get really worn out to the point where I have to have a day or two of enforced solitary confinement after a big social event. I get very anxious about meeting new people and speaking to people I don't know, even over the phone, and I hate 'networking' with an absolute passion. Often it feels like you have to put on a bit of an act to be sociable, like you say if I'm with people I know I can be very lively and sociable, and this is what causes the exhaustion.

For me I try to manage the situation as best I can by planning in advance (like someone else mentioned, be early and get the place you want/need for least stress) and plan for days off social activities after big events. Even so, most of the stress/anxiety in my life comes from this. Funnily enough my wife is the exact opposite but understands my need for solitude, which is a big help.

Worth a read of Quiet by Susan Cain on the subject of introversion if it's of interest.

Quick update on this. Now finished it. Did nothing for me whatsoever.

I get everything my councillor was saying, it all made sense in theory, but in practice, never worked for me at all. Still the same!

Couple of books that I found incredibly helpful. I'm very similar to how you describe yourself:

At Last A Life by Paul David - Great for anxiety.

Quiet by Susan Cain. This is less about directly helping your issues but it sounds like you are an introvert (which doesn't mean you don't like socialising, being in groups of people etc). The book helped me understand why I'm like I am and how to handle it. But also that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.

Invest in yourself, go see a counsellor they will help you understand where it's all coming from and that's half the battle, it'll be the best thing you ever do.

I've half typed out a response to this thread several times and changed my mind/got distracted. Now I know I need to get it on paper.

I am really not well. Haven't been for a long time. I had a stressful (tight deadlines, lots of unknowns) job over the last few years designing EVs. I pulled the ripcord about a year ago after a decade in the industry and moved to an adjacent one. Hoping that it would allow me to relax a bit. I'm in a more innovation/research based role now so timelines aren't as tight but the technical requirements are even higher.

But what the new role has uncovered is that I'm my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up to no end when I don't understand something. Partially because I really struggled at university due to depression/anxiety issues then, but also since I'm no longer wet behind the ears there's a lot of "should know". The university one is particularly difficult (and brings a low ability to persevere) because I convince myself I'm not capable, and brings up painful memories from uni. All this whilst having top level appraisals for my entire career. However, getting there is eating up my entire psyche. The end of each day I'm a broken person and I have been very withdrawn in my personal relationships and friendships. Surprised my other-half is still with me.

It all came to a head in March when we were taking the first roadtrip in my new Porsche (which I bought to try and make myself feel better - what a silly way to spend £80k). She has a habit of crossing her legs when in the car, with her shoes on and has scratched the interiors of our boring normal cars, but when she did it to the leather of the new car I did get snippy. I was highly strung. She turned around to say that I loved the car more than her, and reeled off the reasons why over the last at least 18 months I've been useless. Non communicative. Distant. Cold. This triggered a cascade of a major anxiety & depression episode that I'm still right in the middle of now. And it appears to have triggered a new midlife crisis too, because well I'm 36, and if I've been coasting in my relationship the last 2 years wtf am I doing? I guess the Porsche was an early sign of that crisis...

Anyway, they've upped my meds, I've been in therapy since January but things are very delicate right now. Last night got 0 mins of sleep, because my brain was obsessing how st a boyfriend I've been. I had 2 months of insomnia tail end of last year and really can't go back there - was on a handful of hours a week, and it was torture.

I've been here before. Far too many times. I've been a very existential person since my teen years (hence the midlife crisis), and this urge to know everything/be the best is tied into that - that if I'm not the best, what's the bloody point in anything? How will I be remembered? So the pain and torture is like a trial that I need to sustain on myself. But from the outside I'm sure it looks absolutely ridiculous.

So I'm really looking at my entire life and trying to throw out what I don't like and add in what I want. I don't have enough close friends (I'm not good at sustaining them as I'm too in my own head, and I'm sure rubbish company a lot of the time). I had put off the decision of wanting kids, and now this is making me feel like I need to, but making such a decision right now I know is bonkers...but it feels like time is running at 100x so I "have" to. I don't have any hobbies as I've been too drained/depressed to do anything over the last few years. What HAVE I been doing?

My job today is to not implode, and get some sleep.

Not the best solution, but have you considered an antidepressant such as Sertraline?

There's a long thread about it on here...

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

They can be helpful when you're at your wits end.

Do you have any you can recommend? It sounds worth a go. I've heard there good for joints too.

I’m eligible for it but after reading about people losing their license and having to go to court to fight it with medical defence, I decided it would cause more anxiety than it would cure.

It’s a vicious cycle of anxiety and stress not letting me sleep, I get less sleep so I get worse anxiety and stress easier. Only time I don’t seem as stressed is if I’ve had a drink but I can’t get drunk daily to get sleep and cope with life. That’ll just lead to a whole new issue in itself.

Typical meds and therapies haven’t worked and the irony is, I’ve studied psychology and worked in mental health supposedly helping support others yet I can’t even practice what I’ve preached!