Tales from the workshop
Discussion
grumpy52 said:
Not all the tales come from classic workshops.
A guy that was none too bright was the general labourer in a Ford dealership back in the days of the 3ltr Capri. He took a fancy to a brand new demonstrator on the forecourt and hid the spare keys and took them home. In the dead of night he returned to work and had the car away .
The police found the car and him at the weekend when he was spotted standing in the road with paintbrush in hand painting the car . When asked why he said I like blue and this one was white.
Also the tale of a London BMW dealership that got hit one night and a transporter full of new and unregistered cars was loaded up and they were gone ,never to be seen again.
The dealer's insurance excess was so high the didn't even claim for the cars . Remember that when you look at your insurance when renewing it . Another reason why the main dealer rates are so high .
Reminds me of the Nigerian gentlemen that came to look at the LHD W140 S500 we had in. He asked to see the spare key and did a key swap on me when I went to get it.A guy that was none too bright was the general labourer in a Ford dealership back in the days of the 3ltr Capri. He took a fancy to a brand new demonstrator on the forecourt and hid the spare keys and took them home. In the dead of night he returned to work and had the car away .
The police found the car and him at the weekend when he was spotted standing in the road with paintbrush in hand painting the car . When asked why he said I like blue and this one was white.
Also the tale of a London BMW dealership that got hit one night and a transporter full of new and unregistered cars was loaded up and they were gone ,never to be seen again.
The dealer's insurance excess was so high the didn't even claim for the cars . Remember that when you look at your insurance when renewing it . Another reason why the main dealer rates are so high .
Arriving at work the next morning I assumed my boss had parked it in the barn. He hadn't. It had been nicked and was on its way to Africa.
Edited by Turbobanana on Monday 27th March 22:18
For a while in the 80s I worked part time for a car hire company that did a lot of high end cars , Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini etc . We had branches dotted all over the country including Heathrow and Gatwick airports . The villains had a method of stealing passport, driving licence and gold card credit cards ( American express or Diners club ) in the Mediterranean holiday resorts . This was in the pre internet/ computer age and immediate alerts . They would hop on a UK flight preferably to Gatwick and on arrival rock up to our hire desk and book the best we had available using the recently stolen licence and credit card. ( High end cars could only be hired via a company arrangement or certain credit cards ) The cars were then driven to a container or a ferry and then disappeared often to the middle east or North Africa.
This often happened before the people who have lost their license and cards had realised they were a victim.
In these cases none of the stolen cars were ever recovered.
The other scam was with the bread and butter cars , people would hire one the same as they owned but had just damaged the engine or running gear . They then reported it stolen, stuck it in a workshop somewhere and remove the bits that they needed then dump the remaining body and burn it .
Gatwick lost a high end car every couple of weeks and us at Heathrow lost one each week .
We also had a system where account customers could leave cars in the airport carparks and leave a location message on our answer phone. They were supposed to leave the keys above the sun visor.
So many didn't do either and we often had calls from the carpark management or airport police about cars being left for weeks.
This often happened before the people who have lost their license and cards had realised they were a victim.
In these cases none of the stolen cars were ever recovered.
The other scam was with the bread and butter cars , people would hire one the same as they owned but had just damaged the engine or running gear . They then reported it stolen, stuck it in a workshop somewhere and remove the bits that they needed then dump the remaining body and burn it .
Gatwick lost a high end car every couple of weeks and us at Heathrow lost one each week .
We also had a system where account customers could leave cars in the airport carparks and leave a location message on our answer phone. They were supposed to leave the keys above the sun visor.
So many didn't do either and we often had calls from the carpark management or airport police about cars being left for weeks.
I'm enjoying your posts Grumpy keep them coming. I don't know if you were expecting others to join in and post their own experiences? I've not worked in a classic car workshop but I bugger around in my own garage on various cars. So, here goes with an amusing anecdote about my 1933 Lagonda:
Back in June '21 I decided to adjust the tappets because of a bad misfire the last time drove it. After completing this job I hit on another problem in that my engine would not turn over, locked solid, but only occasionally and fixing that became quite a journey! The jammed starter turned out to be a stray screw wedged between teeth on the flywheel. If the flywheel settled on that same spot then the starter would jam on the flywheel, locking the whole lot. Stray screw retrieved and all seemed good, so I decided to replace the aluminium push rods with steel ones (Lagonda used ally rods on some cars which expand more quickly than steel causing the tappets to go out of adjustment). That's a simple job but I then found another problem, I couldn’t get the petrol pump to draw fuel from the tank. It would suck petrol from a tea mug, Jerry-rigged to the bulkhead but not from the tank. An afternoon was spent with a friend of mine who is also a Lagonda specialist and we eventually diagnosed an empty tank despite me having put two gallons in only days before: predictably my wife did keep saying "Perhaps it’s not got any petrol in it?" You guessed it, the petrol tank was empty and leaking... badly. No wonder people kept telling me the garage stank of petrol. Car went off to Bishopgrey (the afore mentioned specialists), fuel tank repaired and fitted. But then, going right back to the misfire I was trying to cure 6 months previously, turned out one of the cam followers has broken meaning n matter how one adjusted the rockers the valve wasn’t opening properly which equals very rough running. So in the end; new pushrods, repaired tank, replaced cam follower, cleaned starter motor, hopefully nothing else could go wrong! Had some fun driving it in 2022. New tyres and reconditioned the wheels later that year but now it's pissing oil so I need to get it up in the air and tighten all the sump bolts!
And now all good except she leaks a bit of oil
Back in June '21 I decided to adjust the tappets because of a bad misfire the last time drove it. After completing this job I hit on another problem in that my engine would not turn over, locked solid, but only occasionally and fixing that became quite a journey! The jammed starter turned out to be a stray screw wedged between teeth on the flywheel. If the flywheel settled on that same spot then the starter would jam on the flywheel, locking the whole lot. Stray screw retrieved and all seemed good, so I decided to replace the aluminium push rods with steel ones (Lagonda used ally rods on some cars which expand more quickly than steel causing the tappets to go out of adjustment). That's a simple job but I then found another problem, I couldn’t get the petrol pump to draw fuel from the tank. It would suck petrol from a tea mug, Jerry-rigged to the bulkhead but not from the tank. An afternoon was spent with a friend of mine who is also a Lagonda specialist and we eventually diagnosed an empty tank despite me having put two gallons in only days before: predictably my wife did keep saying "Perhaps it’s not got any petrol in it?" You guessed it, the petrol tank was empty and leaking... badly. No wonder people kept telling me the garage stank of petrol. Car went off to Bishopgrey (the afore mentioned specialists), fuel tank repaired and fitted. But then, going right back to the misfire I was trying to cure 6 months previously, turned out one of the cam followers has broken meaning n matter how one adjusted the rockers the valve wasn’t opening properly which equals very rough running. So in the end; new pushrods, repaired tank, replaced cam follower, cleaned starter motor, hopefully nothing else could go wrong! Had some fun driving it in 2022. New tyres and reconditioned the wheels later that year but now it's pissing oil so I need to get it up in the air and tighten all the sump bolts!
And now all good except she leaks a bit of oil
RichB , it's amazing how many vehicles arrived for an expected simple job can end up with a major rebuild.
On the other hand I was given the job of a blowing exhaust manifold on a Mk2 Jag .
Already diagnosed by the owner, several of his club friends and another mechanic.
I checked it over and fixed it in two minutes. Plug no 6 was missing it's seating washer .
So often people fail to check the basics or obvious . Even more common these days with mechanics/ technicians that rely on diagnostic tools instead of close inspections.
On the other hand I was given the job of a blowing exhaust manifold on a Mk2 Jag .
Already diagnosed by the owner, several of his club friends and another mechanic.
I checked it over and fixed it in two minutes. Plug no 6 was missing it's seating washer .
So often people fail to check the basics or obvious . Even more common these days with mechanics/ technicians that rely on diagnostic tools instead of close inspections.
I too love this thread but can add nothing much other than a tale from my teenage years working at a used car dealership on weekends and school holidays.
Mornings were spent valeting but afternoons could be anything. I frequently helped out in the workshop.
We had taken in a Mk2 Granada and were instructed to remove the towbar. Up on the ramp it went and we started by disconnecting the wiring. All was going well until the foreman, Al, unbolted an innocuous looking bolt attaching the towbar to somewhere central. Once undone the whole rear suspension collapsed and left the Granny with about 45 degrees of negative camber and what we'd now call a slammed stance.
I had never seen Al move so fast: he was right under the car and thought the whole thing was coming down on top of him.
Mornings were spent valeting but afternoons could be anything. I frequently helped out in the workshop.
We had taken in a Mk2 Granada and were instructed to remove the towbar. Up on the ramp it went and we started by disconnecting the wiring. All was going well until the foreman, Al, unbolted an innocuous looking bolt attaching the towbar to somewhere central. Once undone the whole rear suspension collapsed and left the Granny with about 45 degrees of negative camber and what we'd now call a slammed stance.
I had never seen Al move so fast: he was right under the car and thought the whole thing was coming down on top of him.
I recall a workmate, previous Ford main dealer mechanic with workshop keys, working privately on a weekend for cash with an apprentice helping out for £20.
Capri gearbox oil drain, the apprentice removed a bolt that was not the drain plug, but actually something that held a spring in place for reverse gear or something, the spring got lost along with the stud and a ball bearing. At 4pm, on a Sunday in a place they shouldn’t have been in.’
Apparently they did not even have a drain plug and it needed pumped out through the fill hole, which he knew, but forgot to tell the lad.
Capri gearbox oil drain, the apprentice removed a bolt that was not the drain plug, but actually something that held a spring in place for reverse gear or something, the spring got lost along with the stud and a ball bearing. At 4pm, on a Sunday in a place they shouldn’t have been in.’
Apparently they did not even have a drain plug and it needed pumped out through the fill hole, which he knew, but forgot to tell the lad.
Only one small tale from me, from my days as an apprentice in a Citroen main dealer back in the very early 90’s.
Back then, cars would have a 1000 mile oil and filter change.
On the ramp next to mine was a few week old, Citroen XM 2.1td Exclusive, the top of the range spec. The car is also an automatic.
Our oil used to come down from ‘gun’ attached to long hoses mounted to the ceiling joists. You’d pull the gun down, dial in the amount of oil you wanted dispensing and pull the trigger.
Steve was doing the 1000 mile service on the ramp next to mine. The service is all done, all he’s got left to do is fill it up with oil and pull it off the ramp. He dumps 5 litres of oil into it whilst telling another one of his poor jokes.
Unfortunately for Steve, as he’s pissing about, he’s put a decent amount of oil up the oil breather tube.
Steve starts the engine and this thing immediately revs its tits off. It’s had a taste for oil and is now sucking it all up from the sump. Literally, all of it.
The workshop rapidly fills with acrid thick smoke as everyone evacuates the area. The poor Citroen revving to about 10 million rpm before the inevitable pop, death rattle and expensive silence.
As amusing as we all found it, the service manager and the customer, (who was sat waiting in the showroom), were not amused.
Steve packed up his tools that afternoon and never came back.
Back then, cars would have a 1000 mile oil and filter change.
On the ramp next to mine was a few week old, Citroen XM 2.1td Exclusive, the top of the range spec. The car is also an automatic.
Our oil used to come down from ‘gun’ attached to long hoses mounted to the ceiling joists. You’d pull the gun down, dial in the amount of oil you wanted dispensing and pull the trigger.
Steve was doing the 1000 mile service on the ramp next to mine. The service is all done, all he’s got left to do is fill it up with oil and pull it off the ramp. He dumps 5 litres of oil into it whilst telling another one of his poor jokes.
Unfortunately for Steve, as he’s pissing about, he’s put a decent amount of oil up the oil breather tube.
Steve starts the engine and this thing immediately revs its tits off. It’s had a taste for oil and is now sucking it all up from the sump. Literally, all of it.
The workshop rapidly fills with acrid thick smoke as everyone evacuates the area. The poor Citroen revving to about 10 million rpm before the inevitable pop, death rattle and expensive silence.
As amusing as we all found it, the service manager and the customer, (who was sat waiting in the showroom), were not amused.
Steve packed up his tools that afternoon and never came back.
Ford main dealer, circa 1990, I was a low level employee in the workshop. Sierra Cosworth came in with suspected ABS fault. The mechanic tasked with diagnosing the cause drove the car into the workshop, and unadvisedly decided to test the car by taking a run up to his bay from the far end of the building. Unbeknown to him, the employee tasked with cleaning the workshop had just run a machine that involved scrubbing the painted surface with soapy water right where he hoped to stop.
Suffice to say, the customer had correctly diagnosed non-working ABS, the mechanic applied the brakes heavily just at the point where the surface was wet, the car locked up and slid gracefully into his workbench. Which then rocked sufficiently to deposit his toolbox, which was sitting astride the workbench, onto the bonnet of the Cosworth.
I departed this heavenly vision of income in favour of a more prestigious and better payed job at Lexus not long after this debacle, which was just one of many at that particular dealership. Life was better in every respect, but occasionally I was prone to letting myself down. One such opportunity presented itself in the form of the regular and utterly tedious fire drill. A number of us decided to ginger up this otherwise dull event by dousing our overalls in brake cleaner, setting ourselves on fire and run screaming and ablaze with flailing arms into the carpark. Bad plan as it turned out, as not only had the entire building already been evacuated of customers and staff, including senior management, but the health and safety officer was on hand to ensure that protocol was being adhered to. Got a written warning for that.
One of several, as it turned out. We were supposed to be sacked after 3. I handed in my notice several years later while on 5. One of which involved the graceless departure from the local golf club car park in an LS400 which was on display there as Lexus were sponsoring the event. I got shafted late in the day at short notice to do the 40 mile round trip to collect the display car, and was in something of a strop when I collected the keys. The car was backed onto ramps on the grass next to the gravel car park at the club. Having dropped it off the ramps, and dumped said ramps in the boot, I dropped the hammer, throwing huge clumps of grass and earth all over the clubhouse, a not insignificant amount entering the building through the open door, before opposite locking the thing across the gravel car park, peppering everything parked there. There then followed about 10 miles of rev limiter activity before I wound my neck in and thought about the inevitable consequences of my actions.
I elected to go straight home and give myself the evening to invent excuses, but to be fair, I could have taken a month off and come up short. I crept in to work the next morning, only to be buttonholed by my line manager the minute I got there, with the line I always dreaded hearing, that being " The dealer principle wants to see you ". I got the mother of all b
kings, and still have no idea why I wasn't pedalled with immediate effect.
Suffice to say, the customer had correctly diagnosed non-working ABS, the mechanic applied the brakes heavily just at the point where the surface was wet, the car locked up and slid gracefully into his workbench. Which then rocked sufficiently to deposit his toolbox, which was sitting astride the workbench, onto the bonnet of the Cosworth.
I departed this heavenly vision of income in favour of a more prestigious and better payed job at Lexus not long after this debacle, which was just one of many at that particular dealership. Life was better in every respect, but occasionally I was prone to letting myself down. One such opportunity presented itself in the form of the regular and utterly tedious fire drill. A number of us decided to ginger up this otherwise dull event by dousing our overalls in brake cleaner, setting ourselves on fire and run screaming and ablaze with flailing arms into the carpark. Bad plan as it turned out, as not only had the entire building already been evacuated of customers and staff, including senior management, but the health and safety officer was on hand to ensure that protocol was being adhered to. Got a written warning for that.
One of several, as it turned out. We were supposed to be sacked after 3. I handed in my notice several years later while on 5. One of which involved the graceless departure from the local golf club car park in an LS400 which was on display there as Lexus were sponsoring the event. I got shafted late in the day at short notice to do the 40 mile round trip to collect the display car, and was in something of a strop when I collected the keys. The car was backed onto ramps on the grass next to the gravel car park at the club. Having dropped it off the ramps, and dumped said ramps in the boot, I dropped the hammer, throwing huge clumps of grass and earth all over the clubhouse, a not insignificant amount entering the building through the open door, before opposite locking the thing across the gravel car park, peppering everything parked there. There then followed about 10 miles of rev limiter activity before I wound my neck in and thought about the inevitable consequences of my actions.
I elected to go straight home and give myself the evening to invent excuses, but to be fair, I could have taken a month off and come up short. I crept in to work the next morning, only to be buttonholed by my line manager the minute I got there, with the line I always dreaded hearing, that being " The dealer principle wants to see you ". I got the mother of all b
kings, and still have no idea why I wasn't pedalled with immediate effect.My early years in the trade were as a radio installer based in a Chrysler dealership which was part of the Dutton For Shaw group.
One of our sister dealerships was across the road and were Jaguar,Rover and Triumph dealer . I spent many hours over the road fitting various bits of kit into mostly new cars .
The younger mechanics in the workshop thought it was great fun to shoot cars off the ramps as they descended .
As ever in these circumstances things were getting out of hand . I witnessed the final outcome .
While still about 3 ft off the ground the car revs up the reverse lights glow but the car only moves slowly due to wheel spin but fast enough to reach the end of the ramp and keep going and breaking it's back hanging off the ramp . A brand spanking new 4.2 Jag XJ6 due to be handed over that evening to its owner.
A P45 joined the mechanic as he left that day .
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
One of our sister dealerships was across the road and were Jaguar,Rover and Triumph dealer . I spent many hours over the road fitting various bits of kit into mostly new cars .
The younger mechanics in the workshop thought it was great fun to shoot cars off the ramps as they descended .
As ever in these circumstances things were getting out of hand . I witnessed the final outcome .
While still about 3 ft off the ground the car revs up the reverse lights glow but the car only moves slowly due to wheel spin but fast enough to reach the end of the ramp and keep going and breaking it's back hanging off the ramp . A brand spanking new 4.2 Jag XJ6 due to be handed over that evening to its owner.
A P45 joined the mechanic as he left that day .
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
grumpy52 said:
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
I can remember back in the late 80's popping into my local town to get a couple of tyres fitted (at ATS Euromaster) to my Mini. I saw the mechanic starting to refit my wheels and hub caps, so went to pay.As I got back I noticed the first wheel on the floor with all the wheel studs sheared off, and the mechanic halfway through shearing off the remaining studs of the second wheel with his big impact gun!
Me shouting at him brought the manager out, all indignant, until he saw what was going on!
eccles said:
grumpy52 said:
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
I can remember back in the late 80's popping into my local town to get a couple of tyres fitted (at ATS Euromaster) to my Mini. I saw the mechanic starting to refit my wheels and hub caps, so went to pay.As I got back I noticed the first wheel on the floor with all the wheel studs sheared off, and the mechanic halfway through shearing off the remaining studs of the second wheel with his big impact gun!
Me shouting at him brought the manager out, all indignant, until he saw what was going on!
Rob 131 Sport said:
eccles said:
grumpy52 said:
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
I can remember back in the late 80's popping into my local town to get a couple of tyres fitted (at ATS Euromaster) to my Mini. I saw the mechanic starting to refit my wheels and hub caps, so went to pay.As I got back I noticed the first wheel on the floor with all the wheel studs sheared off, and the mechanic halfway through shearing off the remaining studs of the second wheel with his big impact gun!
Me shouting at him brought the manager out, all indignant, until he saw what was going on!
Rob 131 Sport said:
eccles said:
grumpy52 said:
One of our apprentices was caught using an air ratchet to install spark plugs on a Hillman Imp , he wondered why they weren't getting tight . He had stripped all the threads . He was banned from using air tools .
I can remember back in the late 80's popping into my local town to get a couple of tyres fitted (at ATS Euromaster) to my Mini. I saw the mechanic starting to refit my wheels and hub caps, so went to pay.As I got back I noticed the first wheel on the floor with all the wheel studs sheared off, and the mechanic halfway through shearing off the remaining studs of the second wheel with his big impact gun!
Me shouting at him brought the manager out, all indignant, until he saw what was going on!
So what should have been about an hours trip out ended up nearly four hours!
I still live in the area, and have never used that garage since! (not that I hold a grudge or anything!
)Not car related, but still a workshop/factory tale, making refrigeration units for commercial vehicles, so a distant relative so to speak!
Anyway, twas my first job soon after leaving school at 16. I had been there around 6 months when a new Maltese lad was employed to do the same work I was doing, so I was asked/told to show him the ropes. I gave him instructions how to fit a steel box onto the steel frame, basically drilling 4 x 3/16th holes then riveting it together. I gave him the drill and bit and went off to carry on what I was doing.
I look over to see how he is getting on and I notice he is attempting to drill but the bit is going all over the frame! Strolling over I see the frame is scratched badly and him muttering something profound in Maltese, on closer inspection he had the drill bit in the wrong way round!!!!!
Off I marched into the foreman’s office to negotiate a pay rise, which I got from 50p/hour to 55p!
Anyway, twas my first job soon after leaving school at 16. I had been there around 6 months when a new Maltese lad was employed to do the same work I was doing, so I was asked/told to show him the ropes. I gave him instructions how to fit a steel box onto the steel frame, basically drilling 4 x 3/16th holes then riveting it together. I gave him the drill and bit and went off to carry on what I was doing.
I look over to see how he is getting on and I notice he is attempting to drill but the bit is going all over the frame! Strolling over I see the frame is scratched badly and him muttering something profound in Maltese, on closer inspection he had the drill bit in the wrong way round!!!!!
Off I marched into the foreman’s office to negotiate a pay rise, which I got from 50p/hour to 55p!
Thanks for all these contributions to Grumpys thread - given me a good laugh.
My Volvo went into an indie on Monday for service and MoT, asked them to replace the locking wheel nuts as I couldn't shift them. Seems they can't either and have had to call in a specialist.
Re the mini and delay in getting back to work. I replaced a CV joint or Pot joint on a Clubby I had.. Went at lunch time to a local scrappy to collect something and a tight turn in the gravel yard and the joint pulled apart, the circlip having not seated properly. Now it may have come apart but would the damn thing feed back in, trying to keep the splines clean, line them up while lying on the mucky gravel and very late back to work.
My Volvo went into an indie on Monday for service and MoT, asked them to replace the locking wheel nuts as I couldn't shift them. Seems they can't either and have had to call in a specialist.
Re the mini and delay in getting back to work. I replaced a CV joint or Pot joint on a Clubby I had.. Went at lunch time to a local scrappy to collect something and a tight turn in the gravel yard and the joint pulled apart, the circlip having not seated properly. Now it may have come apart but would the damn thing feed back in, trying to keep the splines clean, line them up while lying on the mucky gravel and very late back to work.
Gassing Station | Classic Cars and Yesterday's Heroes | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff