bored???...lonely???, instant chat to Barclays in India!!!

Uwaiz Ahmed: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Uwaiz, can I please ask what your name is?
Uwaiz Ahmed: I note that since accepting the webchat service you haven't responded to my invitation to chat. Please be aware that if you do not respond shortly this chat will automatically conclude.
Uwaiz Ahmed: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
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You have been connected to Prema P.
Prema P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Prema, can I please ask what your name is?

Customer: Hi. My name is George

Prema P: Hello, George. How can I help you today?

Customer: What services are available here please

Prema P: We only offer Banking Services.

George: Can i transfer money?

Prema P: Yes, you can transfer money, if you are a Barclays customer.

George: Excellent...I have £20 I would like to pay in please. where do I put the money - I am using a laptop computer.

Prema P: You need to be registered for online banking if you want to transfer online.

George: Do I need a special device to insert the money or something?

Prema P: You can only transfer money between your Barclays accounts online.

George: I actually want to pay in £20...it's all that's left from my birthday money - I spent the rest on a super LEGO model.

George: Do you like LEGO?

Prema P: I have no idea what LEGO means.

George: LEGO is cool - they're like little bricks which stick together...you can make all sorts of things with them. I made a car.

Prema P: George, you can visit a branch to deposit cash.

George: Ah OK...so I can't deposit cash on-line then?

Prema P: I am so happy for you that you made a car.

George: Mummy will have to take me on Saturday I suppose

Prema P: No, George. You can not deposit cash online.
Prema P: Okay.

George: OK - thanks anyway
George: Bye
Prema P: You're welcome, George. Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Prema P: Bye

No LEGO in India then!

Brilliant!!

There used to be a search engine that had real people searching for you, you could ask them anything and they would look. It was very funny. I can't remember what it was called?

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You have been connected to Prema P.
Prema P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Prema, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Hi, I'm Fabio
Prema P: Hello, Fabio. How can I help you today?
Customer: Hi, well. My wife left me the other week, and I want to take out some money to make myself feel better.
Prema P: Well, I am sorry to hear that.
Prema P: Are you looking for a loan, Fabio?
Customer: I'm looking for a new wife, but i think money will attract women to me
Fabio: So, yes a loan
Prema P: We offer secured and unsecured loans. what type of loan are you looking for?
Fabio: Hm, I'm looking for a sylvster sta-loan. Do you have those?
Prema P: We do not have sylvster sta-loan.
Prema P: We only offer secured and unsecured loans.
Fabio: Do you know a Mr. Balsar Hughe?
Prema P: I am afraid, I don't know who he is.
Fabio: Okay, well I'd like a loan of £5 for lunch if that's ok. Hoping to meet someone at McDonalds. Do you like McDonalds, would you like to marry me?
Prema P: I wish I could,Fabio. Unfortunately I already have a boy friend.
Fabio: Oh. Thats ok.
Fabio: How are you getting along? Ok?
Prema P: Thank you.
Prema P: Do you have any questions regarding our products or services, Fabio?
Fabio: Can I just ask one question and then I'll go ahead with the loan Prema?
Prema P: I am sorry. You can go ahead with the question regarding the loan.
Fabio: Okay.
Fabio: Can i have a loan of you for a night? I'm very lonely
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Deva kumar lacks the class to make it in this business!


Deva Kumar Simon: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Deva, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: yes you can
Deva Kumar Simon: How can I help you today?
Customer: oh sorry i thought you were going to ask me my name
Deva Kumar Simon: Can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: yes you can
Deva Kumar Simon: Can I be of any further assistance to you?
Customer: do you want me to tell you as you are simply asking me if you can ask me, you have not actually asked me
Customer: I apolagise for being abrupt I am an english teacher and these small things do annoy.
Deva Kumar Simon: Apologies, Can I be of any further assistance to you?
Customer: No problem, My name is Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm the third Duchess of Allerton, and I require a loan.
Deva Kumar Simon: We offer both secured and unsecured loans, what type of a loan are you looking for?
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : Well I do not so much want the money, all I require is for my bank account to show that I have £25,000 for a short period of time.
Deva Kumar Simon: You can apply for a multi-purpose, unsecured personal loan from Barclays for up to £25,000.
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : sorry to be picky but my name is nothing without my full title, you have instead used my great grandfathers name
Deva Kumar Simon: Well I can change that for you.
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : That would be fantastic
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : My canundrum is this=
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : I am due to be married to a rather buxom wench on the 3rd day of the next month however her father the earl of wessex believes me not suited for his fine daughter
Francis Marmaduke Wilhelm : I require the loan only for a short period of time so that I may show the earl my bank statement and prove that I am minted.
Deva Kumar Simon: I regret that as your behaviour continues to be inappropriate I am ending this chat.
Thank you for using Barclays WebChat. You may now close this window.

If only BT did this. I actually don't mind dealing with Barclays (the business banking people are in fact very good), but a certain telecoms company drove me to the edge of insanity with their hugely incompetent Indian call centres. If only they did webchats I think it would be a source of hours of vindictive retribution.

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You have been connected to Sundharanand K.

Sundharanand K: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is
Sundhar, can I please ask what your name is?

Customer: Yes you may my friend, my name is Gordon Brown

Sundharanand K: Hi Gordon, how can I help?

Customer: Err I am not sure really, what kind of help can you offer to me?

Customer: My next door neighbour Alistair recommended you he said he gets all of his financial advice here.

Sundharanand K: I'm afraid I cannot give advice or guidance. I can help you with facts and features of some of our products and services.

Customer: Ok then can you tell me about what your bank can offer me? I am interested in borrowing some money to help with a holiday and also putting some of the gold I borrowed into a deposit

Sundharanand K: I'm afraid you can contact Customer services regarding the deposited query as they will guide you to the right department. We offer secured and unsecured loans. What type of loan are you looking for?

Customer: How is the weather there? Do you know if barclays have any vacancies in India as I am worried I may soon be unemployed and need a new career. I have financial experience.

Customer: I think an unsecured loan would be best, I could try securing one on my property but it belongs to the tax payers.

Sundharanand K: It's pleasant. Please visit www.barclays.in for job opportunities in India.

Customer: Do you think they would allow me to work there I cannot speak indian but I am fond of curry

Sundharanand K: Unsecured loans are not secured against any property. Its also called as a personal loan.

Customer: Do I need to have a job to get a loan?
Sundharanand K: Sorry, please refer to the above website for information and any further enquires regarding jobs in India.

Customer: Ok then.

Customer: So about my loan, how much can I have and when?

Sundharanand K: It's not mandatory to have a job to get a loan.

Customer: That is good because some of the people that work for me want me to leave.

Sundharanand K: How much would you like to borrow?

Customer: As much as I can I need a lot.

Sundharanand K: Since you indicated you'd like to take an unsecured personal loan, you might be eligible to borrow between £1000 to £25000.

Customer: How much could I get with a secured loan?

Customer: Does India have many jobs in politics?

Sundharanand K: Please contact our Lending Specialist team for Secured Barclayloan query at 0800 183 0513, Mon- Fri 09.00 - 20.00 & Sat 09.00 - 17.00. Details of our call charges are available on the attached link. http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...

Sundharanand K: Sorry, cannot comment on that.

Customer: When are india's next parlimentary elections?

Sundharanand K: Sorry, cannot comment on that as well.

Customer: Is there anything else you can help me with?

Sundharanand K: As stated above, I can help you with facts and features of some of our products and services.

Customer: Can you tell me what the girl on the reception desk is wearing today?

Sundharanand K: I regret that as your behaviour continues to be inappropriate I am ending this chat.

Customer: But I am lonely

Customer: No one likes me

Sundharanand K: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
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I've a funny feeling they found out about the PH thread and started commenting here (good naturedly as I recall).

Absolutely fantastic guys, well done one and all.

I can't get through, which is a shame seeing the day I've just had...