Our recent review of the Claas Combine Harvester inspired PHer Craig McAteer (pictured right) to send in this excellent contribution.

It's going to be tough to beat - but size isn't everything, even when it comes to PH's 'Mr Big Stuff'. So have you got anything at work/under a tarp in the back garden that qualifies? Send it in!

Meanwhile, let's have a big PH round of applause for Craig - and hand over to him:

*****

"So, you're out shopping for a new 2 seater, what's on your list of requirements?

Large luggage capacity; check.
Comfy seats; check.
Good visibility; not really.
Fuel economy; not a chance.
Oil cooled brakes; eh..?

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the world of mining trucks. They're big in every aspect and they don't come much bigger than this. The CAT 797F.

This behemoth of a vehicle is hard to describe; nothing you'll see on the streets of the world will compare. In fact you'll never see it on the streets; it's just too big. Its working domain is in the mining environments of the world and that's where it belongs. However, if you did drive it on the motorway, it would be the ideal middle lane hogging mobile for the M25; it would take up all three lanes with about 50cm either side to manoeuvre.

It's 7M high, 9.5M wide and just a tad over 15M long. To put that into the obscure measurements - it's the size of 11 and a half Routemaster buses. You'll get three of the buses in the load bay. It's huge.

Weight on the road (unladen) is just over a mind boggling 270 tons. Fill it with an additional 400 tons of dirt in the back and you'll soon be working your way through the seven gears, getting the 4000hp, 106-litre, 20 cylinder, single block, four stroke lump towards its top speed of 42mph.

Driving it. Imagine getting into the upstairs bedroom of your two storey semi-detached house and driving both it and your neighbours' house down the road. It wallows a little, but not as much as you would expect. In fact I would say the handling when fully loaded is quite 'planted' which, given its weight is probably to be expected. Superb power steering means it turns not quite on a penny but, given its size and weight, far more tightly than you would think.

The ride, as the mine operators are keen to say, 'is much better than your average pickup'. However they're referring to the Ford F150 when they say that, which, based on personal experience, has the handling characteristics of a narrow boat with a stuck rudder.

Interested in buying one? Strangely enough, none of the car price guides include the Cat 797F in their books but let's put it this way; you're not going to get much change from $6,000,000 (about £4 million in real money), and you don't want to know about the running costs.

Oh, you do? Ok. Let's assume you want a tyre. That'll be £50,000 sir, and don't forget you're going to need six of them. So that's £300,000 for new boots all round and that doesn't include the fitting costs. I did tell you everything about this truck is big, didn't I?

Fuel economy as you would expect is an alien concept to these beasts. Their tanks will hold 1200 gallons but during a single 24-hour operation, that will be gone and it'll be time to refill it for the next day. That's works out at just under 1 mpg. No, that's not miles per gallon - it's minutes per gallon. Think of the vouchers you'd get at the petrol station.

And then there's the servicing. Oh yes, the servicing. Don't bother messing about with trivial measures of fluid either; none of your 5 Litres of Mobil 1 0w-40 here. Measurements are generally in gallons and there are multiples of them. The cooling system needs 306 gallons, the crank 84 gallons, the diffs 311 gallons and to help stop the beast when it's rolling, the 50 (yes 50) disc brakes require 441 gallons of brake fluid. Just mind-boggling.

It's built for a job, and it pulls no punches; it does it, and it does it better than any other truck of its type. A recent incident between one of these and a bulldozer resulted in the bulldozer being damaged and the CAT going on its merry way undamaged. Its planned role is to haul dirt so it can be processed to extract the oil from it, helping to ensure that we've all got a steady supply of the stuff that we need to run our own vehicles.

Still undecided if this vehicle suits your requirements for a comfortable two-seater? One thing that may sway you one way or the other - it's only available in yellow..."

Words and pics/Craig McAteer