Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.
Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and... the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs.
Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid b
h was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time.
But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not st in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the taxi was deafening.....
Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and... the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs.
Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid b
h was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time.But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not s
t in the vegetable garden again."The silence in the taxi was deafening.....
Irrationally offended, you are correct.Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the st inside!"
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the s
t inside!"Marty63 said:
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the st inside!"
More likely to be Oceanic Whitetips rather than Great Whites. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the s
t inside!"Oceanic Whitetips are the scavengers of the oceans and have been blamed for preying on survivors of ship sinkings, most famously the USS Indianapolis.
It is thought Great Whites don't intentionally prey on humans, with victims being mistaken for other prey. Also, they attack by surprise from below.
/Eric Mc
CaptainSlow said:
Marty63 said:
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the st inside!"
More likely to be Oceanic Whitetips rather than Great Whites. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the s
t inside!"Oceanic Whitetips are the scavengers of the oceans and have been blamed for preying on survivors of ship sinkings, most famously the USS Indianapolis.
It is thought Great Whites don't intentionally prey on humans, with victims being mistaken for other prey. Also, they attack by surprise from below.
/Eric Mc
CaptainSlow said:
Marty63 said:
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the st inside!"
More likely to be Oceanic Whitetips rather than Great Whites. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the s
t inside!"Oceanic Whitetips are the scavengers of the oceans and have been blamed for preying on survivors of ship sinkings, most famously the USS Indianapolis.
It is thought Great Whites don't intentionally prey on humans, with victims being mistaken for other prey. Also, they attack by surprise from below.
/Eric Mc
It's probably more for effect saying tuther one ??
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