Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Master Of Puppets said:
I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. i didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.
Pal of mine met a cracking girl in a night club in Phuket, they danced, cuddled and kissed.She asked him back to hers, and off they went.
She had a top of the range Mercedes, and were soon back at her place, she stopped on the road, and in one perfect precise movement reversed into her very narrow driveway.
He thought “Oh hang on a minute………..”
.There's been some good ones here recently.
I have purloined from MBClub:
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing
I have purloined from MBClub:
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing
vaud said:
If you go to see them at Las Vegas and hang around in the foyer afterwards they come out (at least they used to) for autographs, selfies etc., and Penn is actually quite chatty contrary to his stage persona. Weird to be having a conversation with him.
just saying'LimmerickLad said:
Stan the Bat said:
Master Of Puppets said:
My friend was in a quiz and phoned me, "What's the second largest state in the USA?" Me, "Texas."
A minute later he sent a message to my phone saying, "What's the second largest state in the USA ?”
Cunning.A minute later he sent a message to my phone saying, "What's the second largest state in the USA ?”
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