If I don't get a decent night's sleep I'm going to go postal.

I moved into my new house in February and what started off as some minor faint scratching now sounds like that scene from Rio where all the birds are having a stand off with the monkeys. I don't think I have monkeys. All night and all day they chirp as loud as possible and scratch and thump about in my loft and quite frankly I've had enough. I was under the impression it would be a few weeks but its going on months now.

As postal as I'm becoming I'm not quite at the air gun stage just yet but its getting close.

The issue I have is my house is for want of a better description. "L" shaped. Its not quite but that gives you an idea. The problem I have is that the birds have nested in the section that I can't get through due to the beam spacing.

I was thinking of buying one of these to scare them off.

http://www.bird-stop.co.uk/ShowDetails.asp?id=199

or these

http://www.bird-stop.co.uk/ShowDetails.asp?id=195

Do these things work? I know that I should leave the birds be but its really getting me down not being able to sleep at night to the point I'm starting to get angry at work. Its only a matter of time before I start swearing down the phone at customers and suppliers and at managers and I want to avoid that.

The only other option I have is converting the lounge into a downstairs bedroom but Mrs Alvarez doesn't approve.

Forever greatful

Miguel "Grumpy bks" Alvarez

Cheers. I know where they are getting in. At the inside corner of the L (outside) there is a hole inbetween the tiles and the guttering and they are getting in that way. I plan to cover it up with some mesh of some sorts. I just need them out. I was toying with the idea of smoking them out but then thought better as I'm not sure how I'd explain burning the house down.

Indeed all wild birds are by default protected except a few exemptions that are considered pests.

How about, PH style, gas bird scarer?

Disclaimer: A repetative fuel/air explosion designed to clear a field, in your loft, may disturb your sleep

We have the same problem, except it got a bit worse...

The scuffling and running around I could deal with (although at 5am it's pretty frustrating). Discovering what looked like shredded paper all over the drive was weird, before I realised they had pecked through into the cavity wall and that was our insulation.

But then one day I was in the bath, and heard this weird noise. I totally freaked out thinking something was coming up the plug hole. Properly freaked - needed coaxing out of the bath by my husband.

Tentatively we took the side panel off the bath to discover a bird in there. It had pecked through, fallen down the cavity wall, and popped out in a hole int he plasterboard where the waste pipes go.

I *hate* flappy birds - cue half an hour or so of laurel and hardy style action - me running around panicking, husband trying to corral the bird, both cats chasing it, bird terrified ended up downstairs hiding underneath the AV wiring.

Eventually it flew out, and we've blocked up the plasterboard hole with expanding foam, but sounds like we will need to get someone out to try and block in the hole in a few weeks when the chicks have left home!

They've nested there for years and it's never been a problem, but they've clearly caused some damage now

Now why did you tell me that. I need to take the afternoon off and get these birds out now.

Lol I'll probably still scream like a little girl if that was to ever happen.

A little bonus, just to help you sleep better - birds often have wingless bloodsucking flat flies like these parasitic upon them. This one is common on swifts and house martins. When the chicks fledge, any of these things left behind start getting a bit peckish and go off looking for food. I once had house martins nesting outside the window of my room when I was a student. I was stood at the window wearing a dressing gown one morning when one of the fkers ran up my leg. Freaked out doesn't cover it.

How big is that freak?
It looks massive, but I guess the camera was well zoomed in?

W. T. F.

Holy crap

I think it's because even though there always seems to be dozens and dozens of them, they're actually in decline so I guess the powers that be determined they needed to be afforded some protection. I can imagine they must be a real pest for farmers though.