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Flying Fish
314 posts
35 months
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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong WALKED on the MOON. Michael Jackson.... f  ked little boys.
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Jonboy_t
2,536 posts
52 months
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(courtesy of Dylan Moran)
Woman are like canoes full of soup. At first, most people are suspicious, but eventually everyone is going to want one.
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IanUAE
1,192 posts
33 months
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Following the death of Neil Armstrong, his family have asked to be given space. Ambitious, but certainly better than a plaque.
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mattnunn
4,101 posts
30 months
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I like my women like I like my paralympians.
Legless with their own transport and not caring if they come first or second.
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Cock Womble 7
29,908 posts
99 months
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Jonboy_t
2,536 posts
52 months
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mattnunn said: I like my women like I like my paralympians.
Legless with their own transport and not caring if they come first or second. Very good!!
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fatboy18
8,528 posts
80 months
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McAndy
4,927 posts
46 months
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Gwagon111
3,365 posts
30 months
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ATTAK Z said: What about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac animal lover who who stayed up all night long, wondering if there really was a dog He died, at the ripe old age of 256.
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Toni896
2,137 posts
95 months
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My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my f king eye out.
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Laurel Green
14,874 posts
101 months
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ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory... I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
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PoleDriver
20,229 posts
63 months
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What do an eagle and a mole have in common? They both live underground, except for the eagle! 
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Morningside
16,777 posts
98 months
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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
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PoleDriver
20,229 posts
63 months
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If I have 50 chocolate bars and eats 45, what do I have left? Diabetes! 
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alfa pint
3,856 posts
80 months
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Phoned a gang of Mercenaries, and they sent me a load of Wildebeest.
Turns out I'd called 'Gnus for Hire' by mistake.
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Hugo a Gogo
15,141 posts
102 months
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didn't they ask you "Do you want the good gnus or the bad gnus?"
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Pixelpeep
821 posts
11 months
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Hugo a Gogo said: didn't they ask you "Do you want the good gnus or the bad puns?" fixed that for you
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PoleDriver
20,229 posts
63 months
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Laurel Green
14,874 posts
101 months
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^^^ Then she would still be stuck up there! 
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andyjo1982
4,158 posts
79 months
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PoleDriver said: What do an eagle and a mole have in common? They both live underground, except for the eagle! Hmmmm, me thinks you follow an unfunny cat on Twitter...
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