I had to write a statement, it involved a st. A human st.

Obviously, I wasn't going to write "there was what appeared to be a human st on the floor" so I made a little mental list of alternatives.

Poo, too childish, similarly, doodoo.
st, too naughty.
Dump, too crude.
Stool, that's a maybe, possibly a bit medical though.
Movement, unclear.
Turd, yes, that's the one!

So, I used the word "turd". There was what appeared to be a human turd on the floor.

My boss has a right pop at me! "If you want to progress in this job, Papa Hotel, you can't go using words like turd."

I asked for a reasonable alternative. He said "faeces". I said "fair enough."

I just never thought of "turd" as a vulgar word. So is it?

It's a bit crude, I'd have described it as excrement.

I'd be giggling at the turd on the floor though in private.

It did make me laugh a little after I'd behaved suitably outraged at the time.

Excrement is a good one, I should remember that.

Faeces

at poshest level "there was what appeared to be human excreta..."
or "the perpetrator appeared to have defecated on the floor/ceiling/filing cabinet"
would probably do the job?

A Richard.

Jobby

No, that's something else completely.

A thesaurus app might be a good idea, Papa Hotel.

^^^ this.

Toldey