It is a point of some embarrassment that, until very recently I knew very little about the Citroen 2CV. The little deux-chevaux was already in its death-throes by the time I started reading about cars in earnest, and of the mags I consumed only Car magazine continued to show support for France's most famous flat-twin motor car. I read about it with just the sense of bewilderment you'd expect of someone who was too young be wistful about an iconic relic which had probably out-stayed its welcome. It was the mid-80s, wouldn't you just buy a 205?
Chris admits the body is 'battle-worn'...
Age has added curiosity to my already ruinous list of financial failings and, being a regular throne-reader of the Alan Clark Diaries, I have for a long time flirted with the idea of owning what he called 'the Mickey': a blue ripple-bonnet example from, I think, 1962. I'm currently abroad without a copy, so please excuse if I'm mistaken.
There is something about the look of these early 2CVs that makes them, to my eyes, far more attractive than the later 602cc models. And, just like all sparse, bare designs, earlier Deuches seem more authentic - there is more for people like us to point-at and smile. I find the same to be true of Elises and 911s. For the past few summers I attempted to buy a ripple-bonnet during holidays in the South of France, enlivened by the thought of conscripting the eldest child and adventuring back to the UK over several days of D-road adventures. But it never happened.
... but the engine is new at least
Many of us have regular objects of our classified stalker fetishes (yes, I'm talking about you Threadists), and one of mine has always been elderly 2CVs. But what I didn't want was a heavily restored car, nor did I have time for a project. I wanted something bodily authentic, with some decent underpinnings - and wouldn't you know it, just as I'd promised certain family members that the
FF
was spring's only nasty surprise, I spied the perfect car on carandclassic.com. Battle-worn on the outside, but sitting on a chassis backbone replaced 10 years ago, along with a new engine. I jumped off the plane from the Geneva motor show and headed into Sussex to see if it looked as wonderful in the flesh as it did in the pictures. Sadly for the finances, it did.
The vendor was Alan Lloyd, a chap who sources and converts those rather scrumptious H-vans you see selling costly burgers at Goodwood - so the 2CV was surrounded by a reassuring amount of French tat. I tried very hard not to squeal with delight at the heavily patinated coachwork, or the shabby bench seats, or the stick to dip the fuel tank, or the fact that this model has the roof canvass that extends all the way to the rear bumper-line. I now know that detail signifies a build date of 1957, or earlier. Becoming a geek is so exciting.
The two extremes of Chris's garage!
We went for a quick drive into the nearest village, the speedo wildly over-reading and the steering wheel a little off-centre, but otherwise I was about as smitten as I have been with any motor car. I immediately imagined myself wobbling along my home lanes, enjoying the perfect antidote to the ever-faster machinery I drive for the day job. I haggled with the tenacity of an infirm hamster, dealt and drove home stupidly happy.
A week later, I went to collect the old soldier. Towing was the easy option, but in my mind a complete cop-out, so I rattled to Reigate and then began the journey home. I am too young to have any knowledge of how long journeys used to take in pre-motorway Britain, using cars with the power output of a lawn-tractor. A small lawn-tractor at that. I budgeted four hours and made it home in six.
It was in many ways my favourite road drive of the year so far. I was constantly busy, paid respect to gradient and corner radius in a way I have never done previously and by the end I was even getting the hang of the gears - after I'd called Alan to ask where fourth gear had disappeared off to "Turn the lever before you push forwards", came the jolly reply.
A little different to the FF's steering wheel
The brakes were adequate, and on flat sections I could reach over 40mph. People were ceaselessly happy to see the little lump of vaguely oxidized metal out-and-about. Reigate to Reading took about three hours, thereafter I ignored all advice and tried some motorway - purely in the interests of science. A decent lunge down the slip-road gave me enough impetus to sustain 40mph on the flat, but the next incline completely wazzocked our momentum and we quickly became a 28mph menace to HGVs. It was on the next downslope that I realised the 425cc pilot has no greater friend on this earth than the heavy goods vehicle. Get tucked-up behind one of those and you can be dragged along for miles.
And so I decided to stay in the wake of one truck until he left the motorway, which he didn't until Bristol - at which point I was most of the way home. I'm fairly sure we exceeded 50mph at one point, causing levels of self-congratulation normally seen by Grand Prix race winners. The little flat-twin's valves must have been contemplating a break to freedom.
Rudimentary charm, right?
The reception at home was worth the purchase price alone. My family see all-manner of flash metal for photo shoots, but nothing has made them grin more broadly than this car. "What, all the seats come out so you can pic-nic?", "That can't be a speedo!" "Can we go to school in it pur-leeeeeeease?"
There is a charm and simplicity to this machine that is mostly lost on modern cars. Legislation makes it impossible to recreate such naked genius, but I'm not sure I would trust any auto-maker in the small-car business that doesn't own an early 2CV and insist all employees drive it at least once a year.
It is hard to imagine any other car in my ownership being used for round-trips of under twenty miles until the weather turns really grotty. I've a graunchy second gear - otherwise, it's perfect.
I shall expand on the driving experience in the next installment.
FACT SHEET
Car: 'pre-57' Citroen 2CV
Bought: March 2014
Mileage: The speedo says 75,167km...
Purchase price: Next!
Last month at a glance: Chris fulfils a long-held ambition and buys a 2CV!