I was horrendously ill-prepared for driving Matt Neal's Honda Civic Tourer BTCC car, what with not being a professional racing driver and all that. Conscious that I was skipping whole decades of career development by stepping into the Team Dynamics machine green - intentionally green, to maximise the 'one of us gets to drive one of their cars' angle - I concentrated, hard. And double-bluffed myself: how hard can it be?
Overalls? Shedden '06. Fear? Model's own
Sat low and far back, I craned around the B-pillar to hear Matt telling me about critical oil and water temperature differentials, when and how to use the clutch and the frightening severity of the Xtrac gearbox. "If you even touch it, it'll change down" he said, gently suggesting a popped Neil Brown motor wouldn't be ideal. Oh, and "be positive with it" because a racing car has a wicked streak that will mercilessly take advantage of someone it knows hasn't a clue. Lordy.
So, nervously sat in my borrowed 2006-era Gordon Shedden overalls, in Matt's borrowed helmet, a remarkably trusting three-time champion smiles reassuringly, slams the flimsy door and signals my first challenge: starting it up. First mistake. Know how on modern road cars you must press the clutch to clear safety hurdles? Anything but on a racer - the car fails to start, the team panics, notices my error; cue a firm instruction to get my foot off. Try thumbing the starter again and, joy, 300hp-plus of 2.0-litre turbo engine comes loudly, gruffly alive.
As if Matt Neal couldn't look any taller
Just like with the pros, the team push me back and then give the thumbs up. Clutch down for the only time until I return to the pits, it's back into first and then that famous novice test, pulling away without stalling. It almost went, but didn't (phew) and as I kangaroo'd down the pitlane, all could easily have overwhelmed me as I lived a 20 year-old dream. Bugger that, I thought: Matt had issued firm instructions to get stuck in and enjoy it. So, liberated, I did.
Driving a touring car to a certain level is, I soon found, surprisingly easy. These new turbo engines have loads of torque so numpties like me can quickly get up to speed without the sheer terror of having to loudly scream a knife-edge motor to release any power. The gearbox would have your hand off as soon as look at it but pretend you know what you're doing and it works with stunningly satisfying positivity. Despite being cold, the AP Racing brakes flood me with feel on braking for Redgate and, boy, does it turn in. On the nose isn't the half of it: even the mightiest road-going track special can't begin to match how much directness, feel and response the Civic Tourer has. The power steering may be light but it's so direct and I immediately get the sense I could choose individual pebbles on the tarmac to tag as I drive through. 20 seconds after getting out on track, I felt heroic.
Surprisingly confidence inspiring on first lap
The tightrope horror of the Craner Curves tempered things and the rest of the first laps were spent surging on middling torque, understanding how to drive the thing from the front and devouring the rich focus of a top-line racing car. Damping, for example, had untold depth, with staggering body control and compliance. Racers are anything but stiffly one-dimensional and this was a joy to experience even on Starkeys Straight. More feelings of heroism onto the brakes, a laser-accuracy turn through Goddards and then deploy over 300lb ft of torque through the diff straight to the tarmac. Confidence, worryingly, was rocketing. Then I noticed they were timing me...
So I braked late, punching in late downshifts to prevent over revving the engine, sensing never-before-felt braking feel (that's how they can be so precise, then...) and feeling another level of turn-in and mid-corner confidence. Pure controlled aggression from the hard-working diff pulls you out - the turbo surge is ever present - and the compressor's smoothness and eagerness saw the redline lights flow up with surprising ease. Obviously lift and fumble through Craners (confidence hadn't stemmed that terror) but relish the wonderment of god's own front-drive car for the rest of the lap to, they later tell me, clock 1:17. Five seconds off the back of the grid but I knew where a few more could be gained.
Brake later, brake later, BRAKE LATER
And then, sensing this idiot reckons it's easy, the car reminded me. Through Craners, I nudge faster and have THE most frightening high-speed moment. Despite backing off, it's the same through Schwantz just before McLeans. You can do parade laps easily enough in BTCC cars, and feel like a hero while doing so, but this only makes getting to their level all the more difficult. That's why the racing is so close, and grids so tight. And that's why I came back and parked it. Matt was racing it at Silverstone five days later and I had a few years of race driving experience to start planning, with the goal of one day doing this again, properly.
HONDA CIVIC TOURER (2KW)
Engine: 2,000cc four-cylinder turbo DOHC VTEC (Honda Civic Type R K20 tuned by Neil Brown)
Transmission: 6-speed Xtrac 1046 6-speed sequential (AP Racing carbon clutch), front-wheel drive
Power (hp): 300+ (claimed)
Torque (lb ft): 300+ (claimed)
Top speed: 150mph (claimed)
Weight: circa 1,300kg (claimed)
Front suspension: Penske dampers, Eibach springs, BTCC NGTC subframe
Rear suspension: Penske dampers, Eibach springs, BTCC NGTC subframe
Wheels and tyres: Team Dynamics Pro Race 1.2 18-inch race wheels, Dunlop BTCC race tyres
Brakes: AP Racing calipers and discs