Whilst supping a small pint of Guinness this evening I saw one of
the new MR2s drive past my local hostelry. Upon discussion and reflection I came to the
conclusion that this has to be one of the most backward styling steps made in recent
years. What's got into Toyota? The MR2 looks like it was made from an old washing machine.
Both previous incarnations were aesthetically pleasing but this looks like a school
project. And what have they done to the Celica? What's happened to curves?!
When I was a kid, we all drew cars in the traditional three box design. Boot big enough
to lock someone in, a passenger compartment (complete with vinyl seats) and a huge box up
front for a weenie four cylinder Ford lump. The cars of the future that we sketched with
our crayons were all curves and swoops. So come the 21st century, I'm looking for a
delivery on my childhood dreams. But oh no, the design students of today think straight is
sexy. Designers of the eighties were brought up on a diet of Sam Fox and Linda Lusardi.
Spotty oiks studying the automotive form these days have Kate Moss and Jodie Kidd on their
walls. Well that's no good lads - bony cars don't do it for me.
I remember when I first saw a Sierra. Having finished my paper-round (and not won Sun
bingo again), I copped my eyes on a stunning beige Jellymould Sierra. It was truly
exciting - the future had arrived and in the shape of an aerodynamic Dagenham Dustbin. If
Ford could do it then surely exciting designs were only months away. My dreams of entering
the 21st century in something Buck Rogers might drive were sadly disappointed.
So what the hell has happened to car design? Well aside from the feminine influence
it's those damn computers I reckon. Car designers have dumped their crayons and their
interesting collection of pencils and have been designing point and click cars. I don't
want a drag and drop styled car, I want a car that has curves like a woman. Curves are
sexy, curves sell. I want to look at a car and feel my blood pumping, be reminded of why
I'm alive, not be reminded of Pythagoras.
Even the great stylists of the past seem to have been caught napping. What's happened
at Ferrari? They produce the gorgeous little 355, a real Liz Hurley with just enough on
show and teasing you with so much more. The 456 cuts the mustard too - an older more
sophisticated type, yet still dignified, still sexy. Then they roll out the 550 Maranello.
Well it's just a fat bird isn't it? I'm sure, mechanically it's a very pleasing car to
drive, but it's a big old girl isn't it? If the 550 needed to buy clothes it would squeeze
into a size 22 and sweat too much.
Still there's hope yet. Who's producing curves still? Rover! That nice old 75 has the
right idea. Rip that chrome trim off and underneath there's a curvaceous if somewhat plump
old girl. Or have I just got my beer goggles on...?