The shoes and socks are off. Our English-spec legs are gleaming. The sun is shining and, once again, we're about to defy gravity and traction by launching nearly three tonnes of Ford Raptor up a soft sand dune nearly 10 metres high.
Boys with toys? Absolutely, and space to play
Life, as they say, doesn't get much better than this.
After the track day antics I was invited to join Phil Craven (PH username 'shirt') and Sam North ('samnorthy') on a very mild adventure across some real desert. Because, being true PHers living the ex-Pat, Arabian dream, they don't just have track day cars. They also have whopping great off-roaders too.
And two more disparate hunks of American 4x4 iron you couldn't hope to meet.
Weapons of choice
Sam's machine for this little adventure is his brand-new 2014 Ford Raptor, packing a 411hp 6.4-litre V8 with automatic transmission, high- and low-range and all the mod cons. But don't be fooled by its polished appearance. Underneath those metallic blue panels there lies some of the finest off-road shocks to ever grace a production vehicle, courtesy of Fox Racing.
Two 4x4s, a whole desert to play with...
He grins. "Fuel's cheap. This is actually my daily driver."
Phil's modified Jeep Wrangler is also his daily driver, though it's not exactly the comfortable high-riding V8 barge that Sam's machine is.
"It's not great around town," admits Phil. "The steering is completely devoid of feedback. It wanders everywhere. The off-road tyres howl like a Stuka and it has gear ratios that seem to make no sense at all. The only place it's great is here."
No pressure at all
We've hummed, wandered and howled our way well out of Dubai city limits and way out towards the desert. Actually, that was just Phil. The luxurious ride in Sam's Raptor was air-conditioned bliss. But now we've stopped at the point where the tarmac disintegrates into the sandy dunes of the Fossil Rock trail.
Phil drops the pressures to 15psi for sand blasting
While the track day at Dubai was 99 per cent pale-skinned Europeans sweating profusely, this staging area is definitely a more authentic Dubai experience. The ratio of local petrolheads to imported ones is the exact opposite of the track day.
As mentioned before, we're soon shedding shoes and socks as we methodically work around the two off-roaders setting tyre pressures.
"I've got bead-locks," explains Phil. "So that means I can drop the pressures right down to something like 15psi with no worries about the tyres rotating on the rims or coming off completely."
The low pressures are essential to get traction on the loose sand. One by one, a variety of 4x4s of all shapes and sizes erupt into the desert at maximum speed using what seems to be the recognized form of Dubai traction control - the rev limiter in first gear.
From racing track to desert track in one day
The start of the trail is simple enough, cruising through a Wadi (dry desert river basin) but it soon toughens up. Giant dunes rear up each side of the trail, over a dozen metres high in many cases. Tell-tale tyre marks break out of the well-trodden path to document where previous drivers have made daring runs up and over the dunes.
Flicking the big Raptor into low-range and 4WD, Sam's soon gunning the 411hp truck up a particularly big one.
I cling on to my thoughtfully supplied grab handle.
It's not the going up that's scary though. Oh no, it's a dead heat between being at the top and coming back down again.
Local boys are well into their dune bashing fun
"There's this moment at the top where you just think, 'I wonder what's on the other side?" laughs Sam. And then, whichever way you come back down, there's always that slight tension as gravity takes over. "I've seen some rolled trucks around here," Sam admits. "I don't want to be one of them."
Local boys do it properly
As we're resting on the top of one dune, there's a fantastic sound emanating from near the horizon. It's a big American V8 wrung out at something approaching 8,000rpm. We all stand in awe as a paddle-tyred Baja truck wails past us at something approaching 80mph. On sand. The truck is a weird, solid, floating constant. Only the wheels seem to move.
When he wheels around and comes to a halt at the bottom of the dune, we just have to go and have a closer look.
Just your average runabout in these parts
It's immense, and the driver and co-pilot both have those casual looks on their faces that say "Yeah, we're just doing 100mph through the desert, jumping over rocks bigger than your kids. It's normal." At least, I think that's what they were saying. The truth is they didn't speak much English to us, and I certainly couldn't ask more about the spec in Arabic either.
And, to be honest, they weren't the only locals we saw giving it large. Huge turbos and balloon tyres seem to be the choice modification for your Land Cruiser or Patrol.
Sunset and stupidity
The afternoon dissolves into a spectacular orange sunset in no time at all. It's honestly one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Desolate, harsh and very dry. But still gorgeous. I've swapped over to Phil's more hardcore Jeep. It really doesn't lack any speed at all over this terrain, even though it only has a percentage of the Raptor's headline power figure.
Green laning in Hampshire this is not
"It has that feeling it'll go over anything," Phil smiles. "Two solid axles, big tyres, lots of torque and low ratios. All the stuff that makes it hideous on the road makes it wonderful out here."
As fossil rock appears in the distance, the sun is already on the horizon. And there's one more example of Dubai crazy to behold.
Sam's Raptor splits away from our Jeep at 45 degrees and skids to a halt in a cloud of sand. There stands a mad Russian with a home-built 'thing'. Contraption. I don't know what to call it. Sand buggy? No. It's built around a home-welded steel chassis, with three balloon tyres made from that rubberized cotton you find on airbeds. And it's powered by a single four-stroke generator motor. But it's not driving the wheels.
What's the Russian for health and safety?
It's powering a massive, six-bladed propeller. With no safety guards, no seat belts and no cage. Both Phil and Sam have a background in aeronautical engineering, and even though our new crazy Russian friend speaks only a couple of words of English, we spend the next 20 minutes marveling at his creation - see it in action
in his vid here
It's all over
All too soon the whole afternoon is already finished. Now it's dark, and we're wobbling down the highway at 30mph on under-inflated tyres, staring into the gloom for a petrol station and an air pump. It's been an amazing day, full of adventure, amazing cars and friendly PHers.
And there's plenty more to come.
Crazy Russians in their prop-driven sand buggies
[Sources and info: Victor Gabov, via YouTube; Fossil Rock trail info]