So, in our best Comic Relief-style heartfelt celebrity voiceover tones (we're imagining Lenny Henry, but feel free to pick your celebrity of choice), we present you with the tragic case of F200 OLH...
"F200 OLH was born in the summer of 1988 and, for a while, life was good. It had a spec list from BMW as long as a long-armed man's arm, including a fashionable car phone and the sought-after limited-slip differential.
"But fast forward 22 years and things aren't looking so good for our beleaguered BMW. Yes, it has an MOT, but 187,000 hard miles have taken their toll. Yes, there's a valid MOT, but it's only going to last until June, the engine only just splutters into life and the bodywork has seen better days with rust patches here and there and peeling lacquer in places. If something isn't done soon, then F200 OLH is going to be put down by its current owner.
Anyway, enough of that nonsense. This car is undoubtedly a gamble. It's hardly a cheap option either - the price might be low, but its new owner will have to throw a lot of cash its way to get it back into shape - but Hartge-tuned 5-series don't come up for sale everyday. For 700 notes it's a mighty tempting choice - come on, people, it's even got a working car phone...
Advert is reproduced below.
Bmw e34 535i hartge h5 sport (1994)
BMW E34 535I HARTGE H5 SPORT
218 ALPINE WHITE BUILD DATE JULY 1988
Genuine hartge for those of you that think it is not I have spoke to the first owner
and it has had the full hartge upgrade and has the paperwork to go with thanks
Hartge 245 PS Engine modification
Hartge sport suspension
Hartge 17" monolithic wheels upgraded
Hartge aerofoil rear wing
Hartge accessory pack
Hartge transformation costs £6500
0-60 - 7.0 seconds
0-1000m - 27.5 secs
Has the the following spec listed from BMW on print out has extensive paperwork all mots from new 3 previous owners tax discs and loads of bills for work done.
209 - Limited slip differential
291 - Wider alloy wheels and tyres
482 - 459+BMW Cloth Sport seats
708 - M tech steering wheel
401 - Electric sliding roof
500 - Headlight wash system
226 - Sports suspension
320 - No model inscription (de badged just hartge badge)
534 - Auto air conditioning
200 - Delete catalysor
459 - 458+Memory
498 - Rear head restraints
Also has a phone in there which apparently works.
Also has a nice plate F200OLH which is inlcuded.
Has mot until June 3rd 2010!
No tax but can tax if needed.
When i got this car I could not get it to start , It has now started and runs but very spluttery
The bodywork is clean but needs cleaning properly has a few blemishes and some laquer is off in one bit on right rear and slight bit of rust in the usual place but not alot have taken pic of the biggest bit and looks to be surface as the paint is still on generally it needs bringing up to speed
price is £700 or will break for parts