What has been your most embarrassing drunken misdemeanour?
Discussion
Few years ago, at the end of summer, i had been steadily working on getting in with a female work mate. Things were showing signs of a good thing.
While on a night out with mates from my running club, we had started in local town, drinking gin, pints of stuff and racing cocktail pitcher's with each other, we were "merry" by the time we got into Glasgow.
Went to one place, The old Sport's cafe for our Glasgow and PH'rs who know me...
Was drinking away happily and getting my arse kicked at pool as i was rather drunk and i'm crap at it when sober anyway. One of the group spots a punching machine, so we all take turns at throwing a punch, i punch worse than i play pool. Guy in our group can get a better score than me, by headbutting the damn thing.
Anyway, after more drinks we think of our final place to go to. I have a great idea to see this girl, so we head round to the place she's in, Bouncer knocks us all back as we are all totally hammered at this point. I somehow talk him into letting me in...
Go down, see said girl, who can tell straight away, im hammered. She gets me some water, she sits me down. I take 1 sip, and start to throw up..
I lead a trail to the guys toilets, and spew in a toilet long and hard, the same bouncer has to get her, to come in and get me out the guys toilet and she takes me outside to walk me round Blythswood Square to sober me up before getting a taxi.
As she's dragging my drunken sick self around, we walk upto 2 police officers, Just as we're about to pass them. I loudly state quite possibly one of my finest comments ever. "The next time i see you, will i need condoms?" She says the police could barely contain their laughter at it all.
She sticks me in a taxi, with the last of her cash and sends me home.
We actually went out of over a year after that.. and no i didn't..
While on a night out with mates from my running club, we had started in local town, drinking gin, pints of stuff and racing cocktail pitcher's with each other, we were "merry" by the time we got into Glasgow.
Went to one place, The old Sport's cafe for our Glasgow and PH'rs who know me...
Was drinking away happily and getting my arse kicked at pool as i was rather drunk and i'm crap at it when sober anyway. One of the group spots a punching machine, so we all take turns at throwing a punch, i punch worse than i play pool. Guy in our group can get a better score than me, by headbutting the damn thing.
Anyway, after more drinks we think of our final place to go to. I have a great idea to see this girl, so we head round to the place she's in, Bouncer knocks us all back as we are all totally hammered at this point. I somehow talk him into letting me in...
Go down, see said girl, who can tell straight away, im hammered. She gets me some water, she sits me down. I take 1 sip, and start to throw up..
I lead a trail to the guys toilets, and spew in a toilet long and hard, the same bouncer has to get her, to come in and get me out the guys toilet and she takes me outside to walk me round Blythswood Square to sober me up before getting a taxi.
As she's dragging my drunken sick self around, we walk upto 2 police officers, Just as we're about to pass them. I loudly state quite possibly one of my finest comments ever. "The next time i see you, will i need condoms?" She says the police could barely contain their laughter at it all.
She sticks me in a taxi, with the last of her cash and sends me home.
We actually went out of over a year after that.. and no i didn't..
Erm....Sunday night would be up there for me. Just returned back onshore from a 2 week offshore stint in Holland. Had a Night in Amsterdam before my flight home on Monday. Spent quite a while in the Bavaria bar then moved onto the Grasshopper. That's when it all went wrong. I just remember waking up in the recovery position on the floor with a barman trying to get me drink some concoction. Unable to walk, talk or basically do anything my colleague had to carry me round for the rest of the night. I was sick on some girls bike. We made a swift exit. I was then sick in a taxi, the taxi driver demanded €350. We made an even swifter exit that time!!
Oh the shame in the morning. It's not something I am going to live down for a long time!
Oh the shame in the morning. It's not something I am going to live down for a long time!
J4CKO said:
CommanderJameson said:
J4CKO said:
Went to bed after the pub, having picked up a kebab, decided to just have a little kip before I ate it, woke up with it perfectly wrapped, being used as a pillow.
You ate it for breakfast, right? Right. Good man!
Ate half, used other half as pillow, we applauded his genius as we were sleeping on the floor in a mates dorm at Uni.
It was only when we were halfway down the M6 the next day on the way home I could smell his Subway again, I looked in rear view mirror and saw him eating the Subway!
Early one morning, like 7am, I'm drinking at an outdoor bar in Angeles bar strip, after an all night session. I was drunken that drunk, hardly able to walk, sitting there concentrating on keeping my eyes open and keep my balance on the stool.
I feel the urge to cut a fart, so I eased it out, then felt the horrible sensation of carry-through.
I slipped off my bar stool, staggered across the small courtyard to the toilet, found the cubicle and released the few remaining chocolate soldiers. Damn, never checked the bog roll situation, and predictably there is none, so I decided to clean up the accident with my underwear. For some reason I decided to throw the festering, poo-stained garment out of the window instead of putting it on the floor (there was no rubbish bin, this is a seriously third world bar strip)
After I was done I staggered and stumbled back to the bar and took my stool.
Everybody was staring at me. Did I have poo on my face? Were my shorts inside out??? The serving girls were tittering and giving me weird looks. I tried to pretend I wasn't bothered and turned round the other way, and only then did I notice a pair of disgustingly poo-stained Y fronts laying for all to see in the centre of the open courtyard behind the bar......
I feel the urge to cut a fart, so I eased it out, then felt the horrible sensation of carry-through.
I slipped off my bar stool, staggered across the small courtyard to the toilet, found the cubicle and released the few remaining chocolate soldiers. Damn, never checked the bog roll situation, and predictably there is none, so I decided to clean up the accident with my underwear. For some reason I decided to throw the festering, poo-stained garment out of the window instead of putting it on the floor (there was no rubbish bin, this is a seriously third world bar strip)
After I was done I staggered and stumbled back to the bar and took my stool.
Everybody was staring at me. Did I have poo on my face? Were my shorts inside out??? The serving girls were tittering and giving me weird looks. I tried to pretend I wasn't bothered and turned round the other way, and only then did I notice a pair of disgustingly poo-stained Y fronts laying for all to see in the centre of the open courtyard behind the bar......
Anyone who has been to a Polish wedding will know the format, loads of food, vodka, dancing and that they are a two day event.
First course eaten and the vodka shots begin (on top of a load of beer) with a shot with all my new friends. Night went will until the drink hit home, all I can remember is being ill outside then being carried outside and put in a cab by the best man and groom.
Next day the OH filled me in; apparently I had been dancing with every girl there, drinking vodka with every guy there and generally staggering about. I was sick outside and all over myself in the cab in a horrible purple vomit from the beetroot soup I had been eating (don’t remember that).
Next day I wake up with the hangover from hell, still half pissed with more purple vomit over the floor and a rather miffed OH. Cleaned my suit trousers in the sink and put my suit back on with a clean shirt and back down to the reception of the hotel a good 45 minutes late to be taken back to the venue by the brides Dad.
Back at the venue for day 2, everyone knows me, I don’t know them. One girls moans at me for standing on her feet while dancing and I wince every time the kids play near the pile of purple sick that no one has noticed.
Generally everyone took my drunken behaviour in good spirits, my OH said I didn’t make too much of a idiot of myself but that is only the 2nd time I’ve had memory loss, I won’t tell you the story of the first.
First course eaten and the vodka shots begin (on top of a load of beer) with a shot with all my new friends. Night went will until the drink hit home, all I can remember is being ill outside then being carried outside and put in a cab by the best man and groom.
Next day the OH filled me in; apparently I had been dancing with every girl there, drinking vodka with every guy there and generally staggering about. I was sick outside and all over myself in the cab in a horrible purple vomit from the beetroot soup I had been eating (don’t remember that).
Next day I wake up with the hangover from hell, still half pissed with more purple vomit over the floor and a rather miffed OH. Cleaned my suit trousers in the sink and put my suit back on with a clean shirt and back down to the reception of the hotel a good 45 minutes late to be taken back to the venue by the brides Dad.
Back at the venue for day 2, everyone knows me, I don’t know them. One girls moans at me for standing on her feet while dancing and I wince every time the kids play near the pile of purple sick that no one has noticed.
Generally everyone took my drunken behaviour in good spirits, my OH said I didn’t make too much of a idiot of myself but that is only the 2nd time I’ve had memory loss, I won’t tell you the story of the first.
16 Years old, I'm going to a female friends for her 16th Birthday, we had just met.
Huge Party, everyones going.
Dad kindly, but stupidly, buys me 2 huge bottles of white lightning (Classy) which I drink as fast as possible leaving me with a completely blank memory from about 2 hours in the proceedings until the morning.
Turns out, I had woken up in the night next to a couple getting it on, pulled my trousers down before falling to my knees, taking a piss and passing back out in the puddle of my own shame.
However during this, my best mate at the time had walked in and yelled for everyone to come watch.
Had to be told all of this in the morning as I simply had no idea what had happened, carrying on about my business as usual.
Huge Party, everyones going.
Dad kindly, but stupidly, buys me 2 huge bottles of white lightning (Classy) which I drink as fast as possible leaving me with a completely blank memory from about 2 hours in the proceedings until the morning.
Turns out, I had woken up in the night next to a couple getting it on, pulled my trousers down before falling to my knees, taking a piss and passing back out in the puddle of my own shame.
However during this, my best mate at the time had walked in and yelled for everyone to come watch.
Had to be told all of this in the morning as I simply had no idea what had happened, carrying on about my business as usual.
walsh said:
.......Mostly, this is due to a peculiar, but potentially widespread condition I shall dub "CNBT" (compulsory Non-cognitive beer taxi syndrome).
Put simply, I will be talking to friends, or some randomer, and will (whilst Mid flow into a gripping/absolutely Pointless story) Simply place my beer down, and walk home, from wherever I am, with no recollection of this happening in the morning. I am told I continue to talk whilst I am on the way out, as if I haven’t moved.
The amount of times I have awoken to a flurry of missed calls and texts, asking where the hell I am, or why I left with no notice at half ten, Or why I was so bloody rude to jeff, etc etc….
Oh good; not just me then! Put simply, I will be talking to friends, or some randomer, and will (whilst Mid flow into a gripping/absolutely Pointless story) Simply place my beer down, and walk home, from wherever I am, with no recollection of this happening in the morning. I am told I continue to talk whilst I am on the way out, as if I haven’t moved.
The amount of times I have awoken to a flurry of missed calls and texts, asking where the hell I am, or why I left with no notice at half ten, Or why I was so bloody rude to jeff, etc etc….
Years ago when i lived with my parents i went out one night ended up bladdered after clubbing etc.
Went home couldnt get my key in the door for some reason, normally after a few drunken wobbles i manage it no problem. Must of been trying for what felt like 20 min ( prob 5 actually ) i gave up banged on the door. Hopeing not to get a crack off my old man for waking him up.
Im leaning against the door and when it opened suddenly i end up face first in the porch with some guy going mad at me. Who are you, baby in bed, 3.30am blah blah blah something along those lines.
It seems i forgot we moved house the day before :-)
Went home couldnt get my key in the door for some reason, normally after a few drunken wobbles i manage it no problem. Must of been trying for what felt like 20 min ( prob 5 actually ) i gave up banged on the door. Hopeing not to get a crack off my old man for waking him up.
Im leaning against the door and when it opened suddenly i end up face first in the porch with some guy going mad at me. Who are you, baby in bed, 3.30am blah blah blah something along those lines.
It seems i forgot we moved house the day before :-)
Rotaree said:
walsh said:
.......Mostly, this is due to a peculiar, but potentially widespread condition I shall dub "CNBT" (compulsory Non-cognitive beer taxi syndrome).
Put simply, I will be talking to friends, or some randomer, and will (whilst Mid flow into a gripping/absolutely Pointless story) Simply place my beer down, and walk home, from wherever I am, with no recollection of this happening in the morning. I am told I continue to talk whilst I am on the way out, as if I haven’t moved.
The amount of times I have awoken to a flurry of missed calls and texts, asking where the hell I am, or why I left with no notice at half ten, Or why I was so bloody rude to jeff, etc etc….
Oh good; not just me then! Put simply, I will be talking to friends, or some randomer, and will (whilst Mid flow into a gripping/absolutely Pointless story) Simply place my beer down, and walk home, from wherever I am, with no recollection of this happening in the morning. I am told I continue to talk whilst I am on the way out, as if I haven’t moved.
The amount of times I have awoken to a flurry of missed calls and texts, asking where the hell I am, or why I left with no notice at half ten, Or why I was so bloody rude to jeff, etc etc….
jontysafe said:
Years ago, like 18 years ago, one evening my wife and I went out with her brother and his wife for a few drinks. Me being the "sensible chap" drank my usual snakebite and black whilst everyone else was on session lager.
Fast forward about 3 hours and of course I was completely bladdered and needed to go home to where my mother in law was baby-sitting our 2 yr old boy. I was obviously in no state to look after the little chap so she stayed on until my wife returned in a few hours. I retired only to wake up in a couple of hours needing a wee and very confused. Apparently I walked into our living room and turned off the telly the MIL was watching, opened the curtains and peed all over the windowsill in front of her. Then apparently wandered outside and eventually bumbled off to bed again.
Fast forward to morning we were having Sunday lunch with said MIL who was decidedly more frosty than was usual. My wife (now ex) also had a right go at me as she`d been running her hand over the very damp carpet that morning wondering why it was wet.
Oh how we laughed.......NOT!
Could of been worse , similar thing happened to me many years ago . Got hammered , sent home , wife followed later and arrived to find me naked and pissing all over her mother .Fast forward about 3 hours and of course I was completely bladdered and needed to go home to where my mother in law was baby-sitting our 2 yr old boy. I was obviously in no state to look after the little chap so she stayed on until my wife returned in a few hours. I retired only to wake up in a couple of hours needing a wee and very confused. Apparently I walked into our living room and turned off the telly the MIL was watching, opened the curtains and peed all over the windowsill in front of her. Then apparently wandered outside and eventually bumbled off to bed again.
Fast forward to morning we were having Sunday lunch with said MIL who was decidedly more frosty than was usual. My wife (now ex) also had a right go at me as she`d been running her hand over the very damp carpet that morning wondering why it was wet.
Oh how we laughed.......NOT!
To start at the end, I woke up in my bed in the worst hostel on Ko Phi Phi (looked much like I imagine a Thai prison does) and thought 'that was lucky, I don't remember getting back here but I must not have been as out of it as I thought'.
I remember the night starting fine with a few Changs and watching a fire show with some new friends. It all started to go wrong with the 120 Baht bucket which contained a bottle of dubious Thai whiskey. I remember loosing the people I was with which was expected really, I also remember leaving the girl I was dancing with to build a sandcastle with the now empty bucket. I also have a vague memory of going up and down the beach a couple of times getting all the free shots I could, but I have no recollection beyond that. I know at some point I passed out on the beach as I had to empty it from my hair the next day. Throughout the following day I found out from various people that I'd been carried back by four girls who repeatedly asked me where I was staying but all I could remember was my bed number. Somehow they got me back to my hostel and with an audience of all the people I had now woken up, I was placed in my bed as I couldn't even manage that by myself. I woke up fully clothed even my flip flops were still on my feet! So the only time I've ever gone home with four girls, it was because I was so f
ked I probably would have drowned if they hasn't helped. I didn't enjoy being asked by many people I didn't know what had happened to me the night before.
I remember the night starting fine with a few Changs and watching a fire show with some new friends. It all started to go wrong with the 120 Baht bucket which contained a bottle of dubious Thai whiskey. I remember loosing the people I was with which was expected really, I also remember leaving the girl I was dancing with to build a sandcastle with the now empty bucket. I also have a vague memory of going up and down the beach a couple of times getting all the free shots I could, but I have no recollection beyond that. I know at some point I passed out on the beach as I had to empty it from my hair the next day. Throughout the following day I found out from various people that I'd been carried back by four girls who repeatedly asked me where I was staying but all I could remember was my bed number. Somehow they got me back to my hostel and with an audience of all the people I had now woken up, I was placed in my bed as I couldn't even manage that by myself. I woke up fully clothed even my flip flops were still on my feet! So the only time I've ever gone home with four girls, it was because I was so f
ked I probably would have drowned if they hasn't helped. I didn't enjoy being asked by many people I didn't know what had happened to me the night before. A couple of stories from uni: went to sleep and shat myself and tried to flush my boxers. Woke up in the afternoon and found a turd on the stairs and my boxers stuck in the toilet.
Another time I fell flat on my face and broke my nose and then immediately went for a curry. I ordered an extra hot vindaloo which my mate made a bet that I couldn't eat and I wolfed it down.
About 8 years ago I puked during morning rush hour on the Tokyo subway in front kids and adult commuters. Not at all proud of that one as I was in bit of a destructive/bad place. That taught me a lesson: don't spend the rest of my life being a drunken t**t. I'm more disciplined to alcohol now.
Another time I fell flat on my face and broke my nose and then immediately went for a curry. I ordered an extra hot vindaloo which my mate made a bet that I couldn't eat and I wolfed it down.
About 8 years ago I puked during morning rush hour on the Tokyo subway in front kids and adult commuters. Not at all proud of that one as I was in bit of a destructive/bad place. That taught me a lesson: don't spend the rest of my life being a drunken t**t. I'm more disciplined to alcohol now.
entropy said:
Another time I fell flat on my face and broke my nose and then immediately went for a curry. I ordered an extra hot vindaloo which my mate made a bet that I couldn't eat and I wolfed it down.
I once got bottled in a bar in Thailand, went to the hospital, got my head sewn up, 12 stitches.I then went back to my hotel for a shower, and promptly slipped on the soapy floor, fell flat on my face and put a 1 1/2" gash under my chin, down to the bone. So, I went to bed, couldn't be bothered to go to the hospital again.
The bed sheets looked spectacular in the morning.
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