Carol concert - Am I over reacting?

Mrs BlueCerbera said:

mrs fish said: Ahhh, I did read it wrong then, seem to be doing a lot of that today You'll be doing plenty of that over the next few months. I think I remember doing exactly the same. I say 'I think' because I'm fairly certain my memory went too !

I blame it on the fact that I am hardly sleeping at the moment and when I do I am having very vivid dreams, so I wake up in the morning feeling as if I have had no sleep.

mrs fish said:

I blame it on the fact that I am hardly sleeping at the moment and when I do I am having very vivid dreams, so I wake up in the morning feeling as if I have had no sleep.

Well if it makes you feel any better, I mis-read (or mis-understood) Lazy's post earlier as well and was sitting here feeling desperately sorry for him !! FFS, I've never even met the guy !!

I hope that your sleep troubles pass soon, in my experience they do. Do you get the chance to nap at all during the day (eg. when you get home from work) ?

Thanks for the "balanced view of the PH collective"

Yup, there's only two tickets per family... probably for this exact reason. She hasn't asked me to give up my ticket, I don't think she'd dare

Had she approached things differently, I might not have felt the need to put my foot down.

If the approach was "I am thinking about inviting my boyfriend, how do you feel about bringing someone along" or similar I would probably have chuntered for a day or so and thought "Why not"

I've calmed down a little now as usually happens, but I like to keep some lines drawn in the sand. As long as these remain, I feel more comfortable. Unfortunately as we weren't married, the courts still need a few years to catch up on fathers rights.

When we next discuss it, as I am sure we will I'll put the "how would you feel if I decided to tell you I had asked for another ticket for a girlfriend" approach.

Having been bought up mainly by my father, the sitting apart bit is tricky. I remember not being sure where to look when my parents were at opposite sides of the room so as not to offend either one. I would rather my kids didn't have to think about this when they should be basking in the limelight as their parents watch them.

I don't intend to be deliberately confrontational, just firm about my views. Another year circumstances might be different and perhaps I'll have a different view.

bigandclever said:

Balance you say? OK then.... I found out this week that my ex has changed my kids surnames by deedpoll and is moving to the States. Does that put your hour sitting uncomfortably, near to someone you don't particularly like, at a concert into perspective?!

I'm sure that in my divorce papers it states that I couldn't change Trace's name or even take her out of the UK without permission of the other parent...
Still managed continental holidays though, so who's checking?

BliarOut said:

Having been bought up mainly by my father, the sitting apart bit is tricky. I remember not being sure where to look when my parents were at opposite sides of the room so as not to offend either one. I would rather my kids didn't have to think about this when they should be basking in the limelight as their parents watch them.

I'm gonna quote this back at you and then be fairly harsh. I don't have kids though so perhaps some of the emotions are lost on me....

However, having been brought up by parents who divorced when I was under three my comment would be
do not involved your kids in your interparental bickering.

The happiness of your kids is the most important thing in all of this and I know from your posts that you know that. Do not put them in the position where they feel difficult about who they mention in front of you, who they want to come for birthdays etc. etc. If this is their mum's new boyfriend you have two choices, live with it and get used to it or allow it to fester and grow into something nastier.

You and your ex are the adults in this relationship, perhaps it depends on the nature of the kids relationship with their mother, how well they know the bf etc., but I'm not sure I can see anything fundementally wrong with her wanting to bring her new man to the concert. At least she's going.

My dad didn't ever go to anything of this kind, partially because he and my mum avoided each other like the plague (which was difficult in a small town environment). I'd rather have had him their with a new partner than not at all.

I'm sure it's incredibly difficult but your relationship with their mother is over, for the kids sake you need to accept the reality of that and be big enough to deal with all that this brings.

I hope you work it out and to the guy who's kids are being taken abroad, my heart really goes out to you.

wedg1e said:

I'm sure that in my divorce papers it states...

There's the key word mate - divorce. Which means you had parental rights by default.

I have pondered about this. There's only two tickets and I suspect this is the reason.

If it was me wanting to take someone then yes, I probably would feel differently. Perhaps if her boyfriend was a bit more sociable I might not feel quite so irked but I'm not happy about doing the sitting at different sides of the room thing.

It's tricky, we weren't married, so legally I am on a slippery wicket and can't really throw my toys out of the pram. I am quietly working on that for the future though.

All the mums at the school already give me a look as if I was the one who did wrong..... "Ooh, look at him, drives a Porsche, bet he went off with his secretary" etc. I don't enjoy it, but I keep quiet and get on with it.

As far as I'm concerned, it just sends out all the wrong messages!

I have spoken with her and she's going to say she couldn't get an additional ticket. I made my feelings clear and my reasons too. Hopefully, that's the crisis over for now.

caro said:

At least she's listening to you, at the moment. From what you said earlier, you do have your child/ren's interests very much at the heart of your behaviour, so do consider piglet's post, it's well worth absorbing. Good luck with everything...are you exploring the possibility of formal adoption?

Adoption AAAAArgh, they are my own kids FFS.... Now you've gorn and done it....

Nope, I am thinking about a joint parenting order/agreement or something. Not too much of a problem right now, but if she wants to get married, then I'll want something formal protecting my rights

ooops sorry I meant some formal way of cementing y0ur rights...I should know better than to speak up in the pub, in always ends in tears....

mrs fish said:

I blame it on the fact that I am hardly sleeping at the moment and when I do I am having very vivid dreams, so I wake up in the morning feeling as if I have had no sleep.

You and me both Mrs F, although for different reasons!!!!
I did'nt get to sleep till 5.30am last night. 2 nights ago... I did'nt sleep at all!!