"How Dare You".

I thought up 'Rarer than Muslim pornography' but haven't found an excuse to use it.

re: Peter Kaye-

"Is that scaffolding? Look, that's dangerous"
"Cover it in bubble wrap, that's the way forward"
"what's that?"
"a ball pool. Kids love ball pools"
"Where did you get the balls?"
"off the roof"
"Is that a condom machine?"
"Sweetie machine, for the kids"
"and who's that?"
"That's you"
"what?!"
"You're Jerry 'The Berry' Perry"

And

"Why is there a bike on the wall?"
"It's a theme bar"
"What's the theme? Hiroshima?"

Face like a blind cobblers thumb

Face like a robbers dog

She had a complexion that looks like it comes with free garlic bread

Mate of mine used to eye up a young lady from across the room and, just before he went over to be turned down he'd say "Bet she bangs like the shouse door when the plague's in town". Another one of his faves was "Any hole's a goal". I can't understand why he always went home alone.

For some reason Anne from Little Britain screeching "Eh Eh Eh" always makes me laugh!

"Sweating like Gary Glitter in a playground" always goes down a treat with the missus.

A particular favourite has to be
"A face like a melted welly!!"

"As dry as Ghandhi's Flip Flop"

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bridgdav said:

Sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.....

That's a blinder!

[quote=lunarscope

"Nips like chapel hat pegs".
[/quote]

"Nips like a blind cobblers thumbs"

Sweating like a peadophile in a santa suit.

My mates and I are all quite fond of "That's Thatcher's Britain for you"

Also "He'll never do that while he's got a hole in his arse" as in "Pascal Cygan will never stop a goal as long as he's got a hole in his arse" Courtesy of the girlfriend's old man