Discussion
Cap'n Custud said:
I am a bit scared about the suicide texts though, I have a horrible memory of a PHer last year whose brother comitted suicide over a woman.
Whilst it happens, and it is not nice for anyone around that person, (I had a friend who just decided one morning to step off the platform in front of a through train!) You should not take on this worry.As the professionals surrounding my friends death said at the time, there are 2 kinds of people - Attention seekers who threaten suicide, and perhaps take a handful of pills, or cut their wrists but not enough to do any damage. The others are the people who are genuinely thinking about ending it all, and quite often don't speak of it to anyone, until you get the knock on the door at 3 in the morning. Summed up as "Them that do, and them that shout about it!"
Sounds very much like your ex is the former.
I know this is a hard time for you, I've been there myself, so you have my sympathy. Keep your chin up chuck!
Cap'n Custud said:
I am a bit scared about the suicide texts though, I have a horrible memory of a PHer last year whose brother comitted suicide over a woman.
D - sorry, I missed this bit!!! (God only knows how 
)He won't do it.
Some threaten suicide, but it is the ones that don't you need to worry about.
I'd not go so far as to call those that threaten attention seekers, as some of them do succeed (but this is often by accident). I think these people are those that are really 'hurt' and don't know how to get the help they need any other way - maybe people don't listen to them/take them seriously when they say how upset they are?
And if he does do it again now - well, he called wolf... But you know him well enough to know whether the wolf is really there or not
Cap'n Custud said:
Update: Well the break up hit an all time low yesterady night. The build up was 10-15 calls, 10 emails and then 25 texts where he was telling me he was cutting himself 
this came to a close about 3 this morning.
I was really scared at this point but called his bluff and told him I was sending over help. At this point he admitted that it was a ploy to get me to come over. I have had about 3 hours sleep.
Today is a new tactic, 1 marriage proposal, one email with registry office details and 2 texts so far telling me run of the mill things.
My new tactiq...ignore them. I am at meltdown.
I am a bit scared about the suicide texts though, I have a horrible memory of a PHer last year whose brother comitted suicide over a woman.
I am not being a b
h, honest guys, I just want him to accept it is over and move on with his life. I am being as nice as possible but am now wondering if I am doing the right thing by being gentle. I am escaping from a very manipulative person with a big drink problem and anger issues.
Hi Honey, I know you're going through a s this came to a close about 3 this morning.I was really scared at this point but called his bluff and told him I was sending over help. At this point he admitted that it was a ploy to get me to come over. I have had about 3 hours sleep.
Today is a new tactic, 1 marriage proposal, one email with registry office details and 2 texts so far telling me run of the mill things.
My new tactiq...ignore them. I am at meltdown.
I am a bit scared about the suicide texts though, I have a horrible memory of a PHer last year whose brother comitted suicide over a woman.
I am not being a b
h, honest guys, I just want him to accept it is over and move on with his life. I am being as nice as possible but am now wondering if I am doing the right thing by being gentle. I am escaping from a very manipulative person with a big drink problem and anger issues.t time and you know I will be there for you at whatever costs. I really don't know what else to suggest regarding your ae of an ex. keep your chin up, you have loads of mates that can rally round at any stage, and you have pistonheads to vent !! Both me and Andy are thinking of you and if you ever need us just call and we will be there.:hugs:
In light of what's happened recently maintaining your stance of being gentle is the right way to go about things. There has been an escalation in terms of his behaviour to you in the threats to self harm and commit suicide and it's imperative for your sake and his that you don't respond. It might help to conceptualise this in another way; as it dawns on him that you've gone, his attempts to get you to come back become more desperate. This is tied in to the fact that there seems to be an issue of control for him with regards to you and should you not respond to this, he becomes more frantic and his anger escalates. However it's important that you bear in mind that his anger will fade and only flare up at certain times, generally when he becomes frustrated., At this particular time, you are the focal point of that frustration and anger but (hopefully) that will pass.
Good luck
D
Good luck
D
I must confess to not reading all of this thread but from what you tell of his recent actions you need to log calls and messages, maybe even record them.
What would he do if you did change your number and how easy would it be for him to obtain your new one? Would he come knocking on the door?
If he threatens suicide once more report it to the police and log a harrassment claim. He probably only does it when he's at the bottom of a bottle of vodka by the sound of it.
Some people are vile with what they think is acceptable behaviour to levy on others. Try and cut all communication.
Be careful.
What would he do if you did change your number and how easy would it be for him to obtain your new one? Would he come knocking on the door?
If he threatens suicide once more report it to the police and log a harrassment claim. He probably only does it when he's at the bottom of a bottle of vodka by the sound of it.
Some people are vile with what they think is acceptable behaviour to levy on others. Try and cut all communication.
Be careful.
Cap'n Custud said:
Hi all.
Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a bh I am more than anything.
good on you.Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a b
h I am more than anything.just stop worrying about what he does now though.
Cap'n Custud said:
Hi all.
Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a bh I am more than anything.
make all contact through a 3rd party then.Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a b
h I am more than anything.Cara Van Man said:
Cap'n Custud said:
Hi all.
Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a bh I am more than anything.
make all contact through a 3rd party then.Thank you for the messages and PM's of support. I have been away the last couple of days moving out and into my new place.
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
Moving day on Wednesday was awful. He was at home and just hanging around watching me struggle. I have to say it got a bit much and I left before I got all my stuff. Ill be back next week when he is away to get the rest in peace and quiet.
All in all I am feeling a lot better but am worried that he is still not leaving me alone, but at least I have my own place and can turn off my phone when I want quiet.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a b
h I am more than anything.
^^^ what he said I few days ago, not on here though !
Cap'n Custud said:
CVM questioned why I am keeping in contact. The answer is simply that we have a home and a mortgage together and we can't sell due to neg equity and a horrid fine if we do sell before next year. So I have to keep in contact until then. Also he owes me a substantial amount of money which I can't really afford to walk away from.
He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a bh I am more than anything.
Keep the contact down to purely just things to do with the house or mortgage, and even then get him to forward details via a letter or email. You could probably get you mortgage company to send copies of any letters etc to you as well as him thus cutting down the need to have any contact with him.He had cut himself but to be honest I have done worse shaving my legs so I am not as worried as I was. I think it was just so he had some evidence to show me on wednesday what a b
h I am more than anything.Otherwise, do not call him or take his calls. Get caller ID on your landlines, and turn your mobile off or on to silent at night.
And for what it is worth, you are not a b
h so don't let him or anyone else tell you different.Chin up if you can, there are plenty of us on PH that are in similar posistions as you, so we know what it can be like.
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