Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
My wife and I are expecting our very first baby, due in January. One scan down, all looking good, wife showing a bit of a bump, all the sickness signs and lack of appetite/change in appetite.
This is exciting times for us both, of course. Now, I am sure, the real fun begins. Or ends, depending on your viewpoint. If this was NP&E you could all shame me for creating another tax burden that you're paying for, but this is the Lounge where we can chill with a beer instead of pedantically ranting about nothing at all.
Are any fellow members in this same exciting/terrifying position?
Any advice will be graciously received, even if it doesn't get used.
So far, this is the most useful thread going...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
This is exciting times for us both, of course. Now, I am sure, the real fun begins. Or ends, depending on your viewpoint. If this was NP&E you could all shame me for creating another tax burden that you're paying for, but this is the Lounge where we can chill with a beer instead of pedantically ranting about nothing at all.
Are any fellow members in this same exciting/terrifying position?
Any advice will be graciously received, even if it doesn't get used.
So far, this is the most useful thread going...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Toyoda said:
At this point you're very much in the 'feathering the nest' stage. Think of the practicalities, what will you need to buy for the baby's bedroom? Wardrobes, drawers, rocking chair, changing table, cot, moses basket etc, as well as the buggy aka 'travel system' and car seat. Everyone you come into contact with who has ever had kids will feel the need to tell you what to buy but it's up to you to do what you think's best. Nobody has all the right answers! If your mrs is the type who feels the need to over prepare, then avoid visiting shops like Mamas and Papas where cheap flat pack furniture is sold with a ridiculous mark up cos it's for babies, innit. As it stands, you're prime candidates for a good milking by so many companies who want your hard earned, a bit like when you're planning a wedding.
One thing we did find useful was ante-natal classes. Not the free couple of hour session you get on the NHS which all kinds of expectant parents go to. I'm talking about paid-for classes - ours was with the NCT although alternatives are available. They're basically workshops for groups of about 6 couples, all with babies due around the same month. Think there was about 6 workshops in total as part of the package. You learn in more detail about how to prepare for the birth, the birth itself and a little about the early days. I wanted to run a mile at the start, as it's very 'new age', almost hippy-ish however it's a good laugh as everyone's in the same boat, with the same apprehensions about the birth, so suddenly sitting in a room listening to whale music whilst your mrs practices breathing techniques isn't so bad. However the main benefit of it is that you get to meet people in the same stage of pregnancy as your mrs, all from the same local area, so it creates an instant 'support network' for the ladies. Our lot set up a WhatsApp group and chatted with each other along the way and all keep in touch after the birth and still meet up. Never underestimate the sense of loneliness your mrs will face once you go back to work after the birth. Even with family nearby, it's important she has friends she can call on and what better than several other girls, all on maternity leave and who they can arrange to meet up with and attend baby yoga/singing/swimming/gym or whatever is the fad at the time.
You've hit directly with the current 3 responsibilities I have been given by my wife:One thing we did find useful was ante-natal classes. Not the free couple of hour session you get on the NHS which all kinds of expectant parents go to. I'm talking about paid-for classes - ours was with the NCT although alternatives are available. They're basically workshops for groups of about 6 couples, all with babies due around the same month. Think there was about 6 workshops in total as part of the package. You learn in more detail about how to prepare for the birth, the birth itself and a little about the early days. I wanted to run a mile at the start, as it's very 'new age', almost hippy-ish however it's a good laugh as everyone's in the same boat, with the same apprehensions about the birth, so suddenly sitting in a room listening to whale music whilst your mrs practices breathing techniques isn't so bad. However the main benefit of it is that you get to meet people in the same stage of pregnancy as your mrs, all from the same local area, so it creates an instant 'support network' for the ladies. Our lot set up a WhatsApp group and chatted with each other along the way and all keep in touch after the birth and still meet up. Never underestimate the sense of loneliness your mrs will face once you go back to work after the birth. Even with family nearby, it's important she has friends she can call on and what better than several other girls, all on maternity leave and who they can arrange to meet up with and attend baby yoga/singing/swimming/gym or whatever is the fad at the time.
1. NCT group - where, when etc. We are due in January so expecting classes to be Oct/Nov time
2. Car seat "System" - which one is best, what to do etc. I am aware that the most important factor, really, is having the child securely strapped in. The rest is then the aesthetics and the practicality of the unit, but something which clips in and out of the car in a simple motion is going to be the best bet I reckon.
3. Redecorating the spare room and finding the appropriate furniture for it. Well aware that many, many places have enormous mark ups on it. IKEA however, seems to actually prove remarkably practical and I am quite happy with those little Allen keys and a bit of music to listen to. Just have to endure going to IKEA but I can cope, just...
Toyoda said:
Shakermaker said:
You've hit directly with the current 3 responsibilities I have been given by my wife:
1. NCT group - where, when etc. We are due in January so expecting classes to be Oct/Nov time
2. Car seat "System" - which one is best, what to do etc. I am aware that the most important factor, really, is having the child securely strapped in. The rest is then the aesthetics and the practicality of the unit, but something which clips in and out of the car in a simple motion is going to be the best bet I reckon.
3. Redecorating the spare room and finding the appropriate furniture for it. Well aware that many, many places have enormous mark ups on it. IKEA however, seems to actually prove remarkably practical and I am quite happy with those little Allen keys and a bit of music to listen to. Just have to endure going to IKEA but I can cope, just...
Very good. In that case allow me to elaborate. 1. NCT group - where, when etc. We are due in January so expecting classes to be Oct/Nov time
2. Car seat "System" - which one is best, what to do etc. I am aware that the most important factor, really, is having the child securely strapped in. The rest is then the aesthetics and the practicality of the unit, but something which clips in and out of the car in a simple motion is going to be the best bet I reckon.
3. Redecorating the spare room and finding the appropriate furniture for it. Well aware that many, many places have enormous mark ups on it. IKEA however, seems to actually prove remarkably practical and I am quite happy with those little Allen keys and a bit of music to listen to. Just have to endure going to IKEA but I can cope, just...
1. NCT Group - worth booking well in advance. We left it a bit too late and had to travel a little further to the next nearest class. It was no bad thing though, as several people had done the same and so a few lived relatively nearby, which is handy for them all keeping in touch and meeting up during maternity leave. Just be prepared for potential one upmanship when discussing jobs/home/outlook on parenthood/purchase of baby items etc. Shouldn't be a problem for all of us powerfully built company directors though!
2. Whatever system you get, make sure you can get adapters to fit the car seat to the buggy frame You can possibly buy all the same brand to make it easier however what we did was get a maxi cosi pebble car seat with the separate isofix FamilyFix base, so you could just 'dock' and 'undock' the car seat to its base (permanently in place in the car) with ease. We had a silver cross buggy, so got some silver cross adapters which clipped to the car seat (and could stay clipped in place all the time), so undocking from the car then docking into the buggy was straightforward. Didn't bother with a flat carrycot attachment for the buggy frame, just the pushchair style seat, which came with a newborn insert to provide a flat bed. But for quick in and outs (popping to shops/docs etc) we just left baby in the car seat, clipped to the buggy frame.
3. Funnily enough we went with Ikea for most furniture following a fortuitous balls-up with the colour scheme of some more expensive flat pack tat the mrs originally ordered. Drill driver and a some locktite threadlocker and you're away.
The one thing we weren't sure about buying was a rocking chair but it's been one of our best purchases, especially as we bought it second hand. Whether you're up in the middle of the night or trying to get baby off to sleep by day, a lovely padded rocking chair is comfy for all involved and I can't see how we'd have managed without one. Something like this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Glider-Chairs-Ottomans-...
Good to know about the "travel system" things. My wife is very particular about what pram/pushchair thing she wants, and its something her mum is happy to purchase for us, so I just need to suggest one that is at least compatible with the car seat bases?
Right now January seems ages away. I'm sure it won't be!
Peanut Gallery said:
Eddie Strohacker said:
Then there's the lies. The glorious, delicious, spun out for years lies. I told mine the world was in black & white until about 1967, when scientists invented colour & gradually set it free round the world. Showed her a couple of Pathe news reels to prove it.
This is payback for the first few months, which are literally s
t.
May I refer you to one thread, aptly named Lies to tell your children - This is payback for the first few months, which are literally s
t.https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
I got a good few laughs out of that one!
I am looking forward to it all, still mega nervous, D-day is Tuesday, but who knows!
lufbramatt said:
Some people get a lot out of them, meeting new people in the same boat etc. but the one we went to was full of mid thirties estate agents/sales reps/ yummy mummy types in brand new A class mercs who I had no time for whatsoever...
I'll fit right in then as soon as I become a sales rep and lease an A180 BlueEfficiency then?Here's a question for those of you with children:
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
What did you get from your employer in the way of time off when the baby arrived?
My company policy is that I am entitled to the basic, 2 weeks of paternity leave at whatever pittance they can get away with as a minimum. I'd certainly be looking to take off an extra couple of weeks, if I can.
But I really want to know how best to approach asking them for what I really want: A month off, paid, in addition to my normal leave entitlement. I don't know how likely this is, but I think I have a few things running in my favour:
I will have been with the company for 14.5 years at around the time of the due date, and I would hope that given I'm still there, I have made a good impression. I believe I am well liked by the senior team members. I also know the value of discretion - if I did get what I wanted, I wouldn't be bragging about it to all the others in the company who might be also expectant dads/mums etc.
thanks for all the replies so far!
Just over 16 weeks in now, wife had a check up appointment yesterday with the midwife to just see how she's doing - all is good, heartbeat is there etc. Baby sitting quite low apparently, which is fine, but a little more uncomfortable for my wife at the moment.
One frustrating thing is how the information she has been given is indeed very comprehensive about all the stages of pregnancy, all of the "what to do in this situation" type thing, plus of course, the leaflets on some of the potentially bad outcomes if the baby develops some syndromes etc. But what it misses, is practical information about what she needs to have prepared for each midwife appointment. Last time she went, she knew to expect some blood to be taken, but didn't get told about a urine sample she was meant to give etc. She then asked "What will I need next time?" and was told to bring said sample with her (or be prepared for one) but what she actually needed, was a complete family medical history check to be carried out for both of us - so without having any chance to prepare or find out from her mum, or more importantly know anything about my side of the family, she had to just say "she didn't know"
Fortunately, there isn't anything to worry about from my side of the family, but I don't think it is the kind of question you can expect to know off the top of your head about your other half's family history? It certainly isn't a topic of conversation that we have had - "Oh yes, great uncle Fred had the plauge, and then Aunt Flo had cancer, and my grandad who died 11 years before I was born had certain things"
Anyway - mostly just happy that all is going well.
Will make a start decorating the small bedroom soon whilst the weather is good and I can have decent access to it with natural light in the evenings still. Then will come the investigations into the car seat world etc...
Just over 16 weeks in now, wife had a check up appointment yesterday with the midwife to just see how she's doing - all is good, heartbeat is there etc. Baby sitting quite low apparently, which is fine, but a little more uncomfortable for my wife at the moment.
One frustrating thing is how the information she has been given is indeed very comprehensive about all the stages of pregnancy, all of the "what to do in this situation" type thing, plus of course, the leaflets on some of the potentially bad outcomes if the baby develops some syndromes etc. But what it misses, is practical information about what she needs to have prepared for each midwife appointment. Last time she went, she knew to expect some blood to be taken, but didn't get told about a urine sample she was meant to give etc. She then asked "What will I need next time?" and was told to bring said sample with her (or be prepared for one) but what she actually needed, was a complete family medical history check to be carried out for both of us - so without having any chance to prepare or find out from her mum, or more importantly know anything about my side of the family, she had to just say "she didn't know"
Fortunately, there isn't anything to worry about from my side of the family, but I don't think it is the kind of question you can expect to know off the top of your head about your other half's family history? It certainly isn't a topic of conversation that we have had - "Oh yes, great uncle Fred had the plauge, and then Aunt Flo had cancer, and my grandad who died 11 years before I was born had certain things"
Anyway - mostly just happy that all is going well.
Will make a start decorating the small bedroom soon whilst the weather is good and I can have decent access to it with natural light in the evenings still. Then will come the investigations into the car seat world etc...
Animal said:
Very, very early days for us - only 5 weeks' gone.
Bookmarked this thread though!
Many congratulations! Bookmarked this thread though!
It is all starting to sink in now. We went to look at pushchairs/buggies/strollers/whatever you call them yesterday. What a world of choice and expense this is going to be. Although I am fortunate in that my mother-in-law is VERY generous and my wife has her wrapped around her finger on some things, so whatever she wants, she gets...I just had to offer some "practical" advice that the one she really wanted, was unsuitable for me as the handles didn't go high enough for me to comfortably push, and didn't actually fold very well with just one hand!
Frio3535 said:
We had our NCT course (paid for, not NHS) this past weekend. Worthwhile for the reassurance it gives your partner and the ability to discuss issues with other women in an open and inclusive environment. Do you as a new dad learn anything new? You might or you might not, but as above its good to discuss issues with other expectant dads. Would recommend if it's possible to attend one.
Cheers, yes I'll be looking into those, they'll be around November for us with the expected birth in early January. Might start decorating in the next couple of weeks if the weather stays decent enough...
We have 16 weeks or so to go now... getting a bit more real.
Happily my parents have offered to buy us the car seat etc that we will need, and her mum is buying us whichever pushchair system my wife wants, a huge saving to be made there so very happy with that.
Next up... having the kitchen redone and possibly the entire downstairs of the house.
Happily my parents have offered to buy us the car seat etc that we will need, and her mum is buying us whichever pushchair system my wife wants, a huge saving to be made there so very happy with that.
Next up... having the kitchen redone and possibly the entire downstairs of the house.
Zammy said:
About to be a first time Dad in a couple of weeks, to be honest I'm bricking it, I think we have the main things we need, travel system, cot, moses basket, first clothes and newborn nappies for the baby.
We have pretty good family/friends support but I guess it's just nerves now.
Best of luck, you'll have to let us know how it goes. We have pretty good family/friends support but I guess it's just nerves now.
First little 'scare' this afternoon of the pregnancy. My wife is a teacher and this afternoon one of the kids at school has hit her reasonably hard in the stomach. Not cool at all. Cue a panicked phone call from my wife's boss saying that her colleague is taking her to the hospital to check up. Lucky I'm only at my normal office 20 minutes away.
Fortunately all is ok, wife just having an anti-d injection as a precaution as she is has a rhesus negative blood type.
Fortunately all is ok, wife just having an anti-d injection as a precaution as she is has a rhesus negative blood type.
Buggles said:
Shakermaker said:
First little 'scare' this afternoon of the pregnancy. My wife is a teacher and this afternoon one of the kids at school has hit her reasonably hard in the stomach. Not cool at all. Cue a panicked phone call from my wife's boss saying that her colleague is taking her to the hospital to check up. Lucky I'm only at my normal office 20 minutes away.
Fortunately all is ok, wife just having an anti-d injection as a precaution as she is has a rhesus negative blood type.
Bloody hell mate, I'll keep everything crossed that she's ok, I'm sure she will be. Fortunately all is ok, wife just having an anti-d injection as a precaution as she is has a rhesus negative blood type.
School are dealing as they can of course. My rational brain knows that the child, aged 6, won't understand the consequences of what could have happened. But also... I just want to make sure the parents of that kid know what has happened and I worry that they will think that because nothing serious did happen, they don't need to do as much....
Animal said:
How do I work out which car seat/pushchair combo to get?!
We are going to go with the MaxiCosi Cabriofix to begin with, as many of our friends have this and it seems to work well, along with the FamilyFix base to live in one of our cars. My parents are kindly gifting this to us, to save some expense.This all seems to fit together with a few different pushchair manufacturers, the wife has her heart set on the iCandy, and I like either that or the UppaBaby because both have handles which extend far enough up that I can push without being stooped over. Both of these have adapters to fit on to the pushchair chassis. And her mum is buying this.. another expense we can save.
Now to decide which nursery furniture to get!
26-and-a-bit weeks now, 13-and-a-bit to go! Over the weekend we attended one of the "Window to the Womb" 3D scanning clinics, as we had a special offer voucher.
I was a little dubious to begin with given the proposed cost of this (usually as much as £150, we paid half that) for a 10-15 minute appointment. But, actually, it was really quite good. The ability to see features was very impressive.
I was right to expect that some of the other people attending would be a bit council but the person we dealt with was very good... I kind of got the feeling they know that my wife and I were not council (Nandos and TGI friday's excepted) but they were certainly very enjoyable.
We did then find out what we are expecting - a little girl is on the way! Whilst I hadn't really wanted to know, my wife definitely did, and since she's doing all the hard work I relented and I'm happy knowing. My parents and her mum are all also delighted with this of course, but we would be either way, a healthy baby girl.
Started thinking about shortening down the list of names that we both like, this is an area where there is little argument thankfully, we both have similar taste in names with only a couple of vetos from each side. Especially good given how my wife being a teacher would usually mean that at some point in her career, there has been a horrible child with a name I would have chosen!
Been offered some furniture as well to start putting in the nursery, always on the lookout for secondhand items that others no longer need so I am off this week to collect a nursing chair and a cot, for a nominal sum, rather than the £100s these can go for!
Now, in true PH style... how do I apply for a shotgun licence?
I was a little dubious to begin with given the proposed cost of this (usually as much as £150, we paid half that) for a 10-15 minute appointment. But, actually, it was really quite good. The ability to see features was very impressive.
I was right to expect that some of the other people attending would be a bit council but the person we dealt with was very good... I kind of got the feeling they know that my wife and I were not council (Nandos and TGI friday's excepted) but they were certainly very enjoyable.
We did then find out what we are expecting - a little girl is on the way! Whilst I hadn't really wanted to know, my wife definitely did, and since she's doing all the hard work I relented and I'm happy knowing. My parents and her mum are all also delighted with this of course, but we would be either way, a healthy baby girl.
Started thinking about shortening down the list of names that we both like, this is an area where there is little argument thankfully, we both have similar taste in names with only a couple of vetos from each side. Especially good given how my wife being a teacher would usually mean that at some point in her career, there has been a horrible child with a name I would have chosen!
Been offered some furniture as well to start putting in the nursery, always on the lookout for secondhand items that others no longer need so I am off this week to collect a nursing chair and a cot, for a nominal sum, rather than the £100s these can go for!
Now, in true PH style... how do I apply for a shotgun licence?
Vaud said:
Shakermaker said:
Started thinking about shortening down the list of names that we both like, this is an area where there is little argument thankfully, we both have similar taste in names with only a couple of vetos from each side.
My only advice on names:1) google it. check you aren't calling them after a paedo, etc
2) Ask close trusted friends what it will be called in the playground. Kids are cruel, etc
3) Double check the initials. Being called Petra Isabelle Gabriella is all very pretty but not if it spells PIG.
"Why don't we call it Larry?"
"Nah the kids will all call him Larry Fairy"
"Louis?"
"Screwy Louis"
"Marcus?"
"Mucus"
"What about Bart?"
"Bart, Art, Cart, Dart, Ee-art... nope can't see a problem with that!"
fizz47 said:
Went to the Baby and Toddler show yesterday in Sandown Park.
I honestly thought it would be a waste of time and pointless £8 or so per person ticket but O/H wanted to go so thought why not...
It actually turned out pretty good and purchased a couple of larger items that were cheaper than hightstreet or amazon.
It was only useful as we had done a lot of research beforehand (mainly on PH) about items we know we wanted already. If we did not know what items we wanted then easy to get sucked into buying stuff that looks good at the time...
Some of the things we got at the show:
SnuzPod
I paid : £180
JL / Mothercare price : £200
Sleepyhead
I paid £105
JL / Mothercare price : £120
Ewan the Sheep
I paid £25
JL/ Mothercare price: £30
MAM Anti-Colic Self-sterilising Bottle Set (Large)
I paid £29
Boots/ amazon price: £52
There was also a large area for lots of different pushchairs and babyseats and I assume there would be savings to have there as well - as we have already chosen our baby seat and pushchair (both Recaro which they did not have there) we didn't bother looking at them.
Also got the chance to try on different baby carriers which they had a discount on but will purchase at another time...
If there is a baby show nearby it may be worth checking out for some especially if you have a short lists of certain items..
We also went to this over the weekend, with some free tickets. I honestly thought it would be a waste of time and pointless £8 or so per person ticket but O/H wanted to go so thought why not...
It actually turned out pretty good and purchased a couple of larger items that were cheaper than hightstreet or amazon.
It was only useful as we had done a lot of research beforehand (mainly on PH) about items we know we wanted already. If we did not know what items we wanted then easy to get sucked into buying stuff that looks good at the time...
Some of the things we got at the show:
SnuzPod
I paid : £180
JL / Mothercare price : £200
Sleepyhead
I paid £105
JL / Mothercare price : £120
Ewan the Sheep
I paid £25
JL/ Mothercare price: £30
MAM Anti-Colic Self-sterilising Bottle Set (Large)
I paid £29
Boots/ amazon price: £52
There was also a large area for lots of different pushchairs and babyseats and I assume there would be savings to have there as well - as we have already chosen our baby seat and pushchair (both Recaro which they did not have there) we didn't bother looking at them.
Also got the chance to try on different baby carriers which they had a discount on but will purchase at another time...
If there is a baby show nearby it may be worth checking out for some especially if you have a short lists of certain items..
It was worth the overly crowded nature of the place (if you're running a trade show for babies, remember that half the people going will have pushchairs to get around and need wider aisles to do so)
We saved over £300 on the price of the pushchair, car seat combo that we had already decided was "the one" that my wife wanted (and therefore, the one we wanted) and so her mum was happy to shell out for that - mother in laws aren't all as bad as some men make them out to be...
I also saved £10 on signing up for Costco which I'd been looking to do for a while anyway.
The only thing left for us to buy now is a changing table and a cot - and we have sourced the cot already, so just on the hunt for a changing table now.
Animal said:
Checking in to see how everyone's doing.
We're now at 18 weeks and everything seems to be going well - 20wk scan next Thursday!!
Excellent stuff!We're now at 18 weeks and everything seems to be going well - 20wk scan next Thursday!!
are you planning on finding out whether it is a boy or a girl?
I didn't want to, but my wife really did and since she's doing all the hard work we did find out, we're having a little girl, 10-11 weeks to go depending on how accurate the scan is and how patient/cosy she is!
Just a few more bits to get now, a cot, changing bits and pieces, and then paint the room and we'll be ready as we can be!
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