The SECU

I am, it seems, as good as dead. Well, according to the SECU I am, since my account is blocked. I went there today and they told me that my account is closed since they haven't had proof that my pension is still being paid, so I must be dead. I got out my driving licence, my business cards, my credit cards et al, but he was obdurate; until they have a letter from the UK saying I am alive and in receipt of my pension my account stays closed so I must pay for my medicines. I asked why I should need medicines if I am dead. No answer to that.

So I rang Newcastle and spoke to one of the English fonctionnaires. Yes, I can have a letter confirming I am in receipt of a UK state pension but since they have a bulk deal elsewhere and don't use the Post Office it will take six weeks until I receive the letter. I suggested that paying the Royal Mail might be more efficient, but that fell on deaf ears.

"Can't you email it" I timidly asked.

"Not permitted" was the stern reply; "but we can fax it within one working week".

"Can't you just press a button and fax it to me now" I asked

"Oh no, it has to be typed manually, then printed and returned to us for faxing, and that takes five days".

So for now I have to pay for my own prescriptions, until one glorious day I can present to the SECU the official letter4 confirming I am alive. Wonderful world we live in, isn't it?