Parents moving away
Discussion
My youngest sister is visiting my Dad at the moment with her husband - kids both working so couldn't make it (one in Houston, the other lives in Washington DC) - and it is the first time in over 8 years that she is seeing him.
Yet they have a great relationship, literally on the phone to each other nearly every day. He lives in South Africa, she in the USA.
I was permanent in Portugal until this year with my ex, my stepkids in Sweden and Denmark, her parents in Belgium, my elder sister in the UK (one kid with her in York, the other with her husband in London).
Now I'm back in the UK, Harrogate, with a new partner, and only planning to spend a few months in Portugal for the moment until back retiring there permanently later.
My family has been 'nomadic' since I was 5 years old. I went to 7 different schools growing up in two countries and I've lived in four. I saw my Grandparents once a year until they passed. I see my Dad a few weeks a year.
Yet, we consider ourselves a close family, each living where they want to. Social media, FB, Whatsapp etc are important to us given how far away we are so we share each others lives that way.
Let your parents do what they want!
Yet they have a great relationship, literally on the phone to each other nearly every day. He lives in South Africa, she in the USA.
I was permanent in Portugal until this year with my ex, my stepkids in Sweden and Denmark, her parents in Belgium, my elder sister in the UK (one kid with her in York, the other with her husband in London).
Now I'm back in the UK, Harrogate, with a new partner, and only planning to spend a few months in Portugal for the moment until back retiring there permanently later.
My family has been 'nomadic' since I was 5 years old. I went to 7 different schools growing up in two countries and I've lived in four. I saw my Grandparents once a year until they passed. I see my Dad a few weeks a year.
Yet, we consider ourselves a close family, each living where they want to. Social media, FB, Whatsapp etc are important to us given how far away we are so we share each others lives that way.
Let your parents do what they want!
OMITN said:
OP - you’ve been open here and have received a variety of feedback. Fair play for continuing to seek opinions and to explain where you’re coming from.
Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
I think this is a brilliant post and a felt myself nodding a great deal. Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
Edited by OMITN on Monday 11th September 13:14
Families will not always be, or act like, who you’d like them to be. I clung on to anger surrounding this for a good many years until I grew to accept it, and move on myself.
Shnozz said:
OMITN said:
OP - you’ve been open here and have received a variety of feedback. Fair play for continuing to seek opinions and to explain where you’re coming from.
Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
I think this is a brilliant post and a felt myself nodding a great deal. Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
Edited by OMITN on Monday 11th September 13:14
Families will not always be, or act like, who you’d like them to be. I clung on to anger surrounding this for a good many years until I grew to accept it, and move on myself.
This.
.but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
.but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
Mr Magooagain said:
This.
.but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
It's been said, but I am starting to see that the relationship here is potentially beyond repair, unless both of you have a huge turnaround in your world views, and I think you are going to have to admit to yourself that your mum just isn't that into you. Which is harsh but from what you're saying and the words you're using you know this already, deep down..but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
Your best chance of restoring a good relationship here is to send her off with your full support and best wishes - let her make her own mistakes, if necessary. Either she will be happy there, in which case there is a strong chance that being further away will in fact improve your relationship, or she won't. In which case you still won't have a happy mum but you can at least bask in the warm glow of being right.
Move with them. I moved from Kent to West Mids to get more bang for buck and better life which we have. My parents live here. When I lived in Kent parents used to visit for weekends which were pretty hard work to be frank and likewise when we trudged up there to see them (some journeys taking 6,7 or 8 hours!
Now we do small and regular visits which is ideal.
In laws are like your mum but with a dog. They sacrifice everything for dog at the expense of their grand daughter which I find astonishing but each to their own.
Now we do small and regular visits which is ideal.
In laws are like your mum but with a dog. They sacrifice everything for dog at the expense of their grand daughter which I find astonishing but each to their own.
Shnozz said:
OMITN said:
OP - you’ve been open here and have received a variety of feedback. Fair play for continuing to seek opinions and to explain where you’re coming from.
Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
I think this is a brilliant post and a felt myself nodding a great deal. Being honest - and this is meant with kindness - but your relationship with your mother and stepfather from your childhood until now does not sound that healthy.
I don’t think you can - or should be expected to - fix that relationship or make your mother and stepfather into the sort of people you would like them to have been all along. You can only play your part in it. Trying to do any more than that is going to turn you inside out more than you already have been. Don’t feel guilty about this.
They are not going to be the grandparents you hope they might be. They won’t be the same as your in-laws. That’s ok. Kids often grow up closer to one set of grandparents. It happened to me. It’s happening to my daughter - I’ve given up trying to come up with all the solutions; their choices, their consequences.
You’ve said your bit to your mother. Now let her get on with her life. If she sees less of your kids (and she will, inevitably) then so be it.
And - more importantly than anything - you, your wife and your children need to get on with your life together.
PS Kirby Stephen is like a one horse town that’s lost its horse. You won’t be missing anything by not visiting..!
Edited by OMITN on Monday 11th September 13:14
Families will not always be, or act like, who you’d like them to be. I clung on to anger surrounding this for a good many years until I grew to accept it, and move on myself.
Tango13 said:
So your step dad isn't a particularly nice person, as a child your mum cared more about the horses than you and you're complaining that they're moving six hours away?
I can see why you're pissed off tbh, I'd want people like that to move even further away to somewhere like Australia or perhaps Mars...
I can see why you're pissed off tbh, I'd want people like that to move even further away to somewhere like Australia or perhaps Mars...
deckster said:
Mr Magooagain said:
This.
.but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
It's been said, but I am starting to see that the relationship here is potentially beyond repair, unless both of you have a huge turnaround in your world views, and I think you are going to have to admit to yourself that your mum just isn't that into you. Which is harsh but from what you're saying and the words you're using you know this already, deep down..but on the other hand I'm finding the idea incredibly selfish on their part. It seems that horsey lifestyle takes priority for her (as it has done my whole life tbf) and she is willing to move 300 miles, 6hr drive away from us and my kids so she can play horses.
There is no reasoning with horsey women but you already know that.
Your best chance of restoring a good relationship here is to send her off with your full support and best wishes - let her make her own mistakes, if necessary. Either she will be happy there, in which case there is a strong chance that being further away will in fact improve your relationship, or she won't. In which case you still won't have a happy mum but you can at least bask in the warm glow of being right.
She even said the other day that we don't have dinner with them or spend much time with them, which is mostly down to the behaviors mentioned previously, and us having to step on eggshells whenever we are there, so naturally we limit visits to a shorter time.
ChocolateFrog said:
It rains A LOT in Cumbria. That is going to be a culture shock moving from the south coast.
I hope they realise that. Feels like 9 times out of 10 It's wet when we cross the Pennines to visit my dad.
This I've not mentioned yet, but having looked the average temp is much lower over the winter (obviously) etc. She believes her life will be much better up there but I fear it'll be pretty miserable, but they are grown ups and can make their own mistakes. I'll have a weird smug feeling when she complains its wet all the time or she can't ride because its icy etc etc.I hope they realise that. Feels like 9 times out of 10 It's wet when we cross the Pennines to visit my dad.
Brief update to this, as so many took the time to reply.
We've not really spoken much since this has happened. One quick call last week where I kind of just said you're going to do what you're going to do, I don't think it's a great idea but it's up to you.
I popped round the other day too to collect some stuff she was sorting I'm advance of "the move". It was a really brief visit as stepdad was particularly offish, so best just to get out of there.
Their house is now on the market, has been since last Friday but no interest, as far as I'm aware.
My Nan has been a great sounding board, she was with me the other day when I popped in, and she's confirmed that she doesn't plan on going. Her life is here, her friends are her and with her failing eyesight she needs people she knows around, not trying to make new friends at 87, stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm happy to help her as much as she needs obviously.
Spoke to stepsister the other night, she had no idea they were going and she's pretty unhappy about it, but not surprised. We had a good conversation and both have similar feelings.
"It’s exactly the same for me. Whenever I go there, I feel like a stranger and have to be hyper aware of what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, how long I’m “allowed” to be there. I have to make an appointment to go see them in case they’re busy. It’s honestly exhausting"
Just a short snippet from that chat.
My Nan isn't convinced it'll happen, she thinks reality will kick in soon enough, and they'll struggle to sell in the current market, but I'm not so sure. She also said they are going back up to visit this new place at the end of the week, which is news to me.
That's about it really. This is damaging what limited relationship we all have, but as one poster pointed out earlier, the relationship was already pretty damaged. I'm now at the point of if they go, they go. Good luck to them. Hopefully it's everything they want and the damage can be undone so at least we can visit without feeling like an inconvenience.
We've not really spoken much since this has happened. One quick call last week where I kind of just said you're going to do what you're going to do, I don't think it's a great idea but it's up to you.
I popped round the other day too to collect some stuff she was sorting I'm advance of "the move". It was a really brief visit as stepdad was particularly offish, so best just to get out of there.
Their house is now on the market, has been since last Friday but no interest, as far as I'm aware.
My Nan has been a great sounding board, she was with me the other day when I popped in, and she's confirmed that she doesn't plan on going. Her life is here, her friends are her and with her failing eyesight she needs people she knows around, not trying to make new friends at 87, stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm happy to help her as much as she needs obviously.
Spoke to stepsister the other night, she had no idea they were going and she's pretty unhappy about it, but not surprised. We had a good conversation and both have similar feelings.
"It’s exactly the same for me. Whenever I go there, I feel like a stranger and have to be hyper aware of what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, how long I’m “allowed” to be there. I have to make an appointment to go see them in case they’re busy. It’s honestly exhausting"
Just a short snippet from that chat.
My Nan isn't convinced it'll happen, she thinks reality will kick in soon enough, and they'll struggle to sell in the current market, but I'm not so sure. She also said they are going back up to visit this new place at the end of the week, which is news to me.
That's about it really. This is damaging what limited relationship we all have, but as one poster pointed out earlier, the relationship was already pretty damaged. I'm now at the point of if they go, they go. Good luck to them. Hopefully it's everything they want and the damage can be undone so at least we can visit without feeling like an inconvenience.
Thanks for sharing an update OP, albeit one that sounds like it’s been quite painful arriving at.
I think you’re right in letting them get on with it. And, in turn, is essential you get on with what you need to do with your family. Time waits for no-one - be in the present with your wife and children and you’ll be all the happier for it.
Good luck.
I think you’re right in letting them get on with it. And, in turn, is essential you get on with what you need to do with your family. Time waits for no-one - be in the present with your wife and children and you’ll be all the happier for it.
Good luck.
Edited by OMITN on Monday 25th September 08:29
OMITN said:
Thanks for sharing an update OP, albeit one that sounds like it’s been quite painful arriving at.
I think you’re right in letting them get on with it. And, in turn, is essential you get on with what Toy bored to do with your family. Time waits for no-one - be in the present with your wife and children and you’ll be all the happier for it.
Good luck.
And if they do move, think "well at least we can visit and be made a fuss of, once a year" I think you’re right in letting them get on with it. And, in turn, is essential you get on with what Toy bored to do with your family. Time waits for no-one - be in the present with your wife and children and you’ll be all the happier for it.
Good luck.
Can he borrow thier house when they are on holiday for a cheap holiday in the Lake District?
Interesting reading.
From my perspective commentators are focusing on the OP, his kids and their relationship with their grandmother.
What jumps out to me is that the OP's mother is effectively abandoning her mother just as she needs someone to look out for her as she gets older.
My feeling is that the OP will be stuck in a care sandwich with a grandmother to care for and kids to care for because their retired mother has f
ked off up north to ride sodding horses in the rain. Pretty selfish behaviour of his mother IMHO.
Sadly I have no words of comfort or wisdom to offer but, personally, I'd put the onus on the mother to visit rather than the other way round.
From my perspective commentators are focusing on the OP, his kids and their relationship with their grandmother.
What jumps out to me is that the OP's mother is effectively abandoning her mother just as she needs someone to look out for her as she gets older.
My feeling is that the OP will be stuck in a care sandwich with a grandmother to care for and kids to care for because their retired mother has f
ked off up north to ride sodding horses in the rain. Pretty selfish behaviour of his mother IMHO. Sadly I have no words of comfort or wisdom to offer but, personally, I'd put the onus on the mother to visit rather than the other way round.
Edited by CoupeKid on Monday 25th September 13:34
Slightly off topic, but I had a friend who moved away many moons ago.
Twice. a bunch of us went to visit him and see the area for a weekend. I then made the effort to go and see him on a number of occasions (as well as calling in on more distant family who lived not too far away), but not once did he return home to visit me or the other mates.
The last time I went to see him was in 2018 and one my colleagues asked me how many times had he been to see me. I told him never. My colleague told me he thought it was all one way traffic and that the onus should be on the person who has moved away to make the effort to visit (if they so wish).
I keep in touch with the friend on FB but that's about it now.
Therefore I agree with an above poster, the onus should be on your mother to visit, not the other way round.
Twice. a bunch of us went to visit him and see the area for a weekend. I then made the effort to go and see him on a number of occasions (as well as calling in on more distant family who lived not too far away), but not once did he return home to visit me or the other mates.
The last time I went to see him was in 2018 and one my colleagues asked me how many times had he been to see me. I told him never. My colleague told me he thought it was all one way traffic and that the onus should be on the person who has moved away to make the effort to visit (if they so wish).
I keep in touch with the friend on FB but that's about it now.
Therefore I agree with an above poster, the onus should be on your mother to visit, not the other way round.
My grandparents moved from Doncaster to Cornwall when I was around 9, a similar travel time but without todays keep in touch gadgets.
We would go to them a couple of times a year, and they would do one or two tours of the country (my aunt lives in Edinburgh).
When I was a little older we would get dropped off for two weeks, eventually at the age of 12 I and my younger brother were put on the train which was exciting, although staff seemed to pop up everywhere to make sure we were ok.
The childcare caused my parents a bit of an issue, but we loved the trips down and I don't think it should be the end of the world.
We would go to them a couple of times a year, and they would do one or two tours of the country (my aunt lives in Edinburgh).
When I was a little older we would get dropped off for two weeks, eventually at the age of 12 I and my younger brother were put on the train which was exciting, although staff seemed to pop up everywhere to make sure we were ok.
The childcare caused my parents a bit of an issue, but we loved the trips down and I don't think it should be the end of the world.
Swervin_Mervin said:
You've done the right thing in making that suggestion to them. Cumbria is wet and cold most of the time, and very busy. And when it's not wet and cold it gets oustandingly busy - to the extent that, imo, it becomes pretty awful in a lot of places and getting around can become a nightmare.
Yes there can be a big issue in only seeing these places in holiday season.An example is my Dad. He and my Mum are not formally divorced but have their issues and he has moved to Ilfracombe in North Devon, taking equity release from the house in London to pay for it.
He has long been fed up with London and hates living there (which I can understand), whereas my Mum has most of her friends around her and doesn't find all the busyness and traffic anything like the same problem.
He spent a long period down in Woolacombe during last year's heatwave. Basically they went down for a holiday in a caravan park for a week or two and he just stayed on for many more weeks. All during that summer heat. He then decided to buy down there and moved in during February.
For the first couple of weeks I don't think he could see much as there was a drizzle combining with a sea mist, a bit different to the same area in July and August
. Since then he has had a mixture of weather, with some very nice spells, but he was fed up in August with the constant rain. He will now face the months when North Devon has the most rainfall on average and I think it comes close to the Lake District in terms of annual rainfall.
In terms of visiting him. I went down three times taking my Mum, and my Brother has been down about the same, and my Sister once. But that hasn't really been enough for him in terms of contact. So even living in a holiday destination older parents may overestimate how many visits they get and whether even multiple longish visits is enough to make up for more frequent shorter contact.
Edited by JagLover on Wednesday 27th September 12:03
It's been some months since I last updated this, as there had been no real news until recently, so thought it only fair to continue the thread.
The last 6 months have been fairly strained being honest. The relationship we had before this has totally gone. The last time I went around to my mum and stepdads house was September when this all started. My kids have not been there either. Apart for a very brief passing when my Nan moved flat in December I've not seen my stepdad at all. I've seen my mother a handful of times, a couple of dog walks with the kids and I looked after their dog last week whilst they were away, and she popped round for a quick visit on mine and my eldest birthdays, but that's it really.
As mentioned above my Nan has moved flat to one a few miles closer to me and is happy as it means she can walk to more stuff locally rather than getting the bus.
The house my mother wanted up in Cumbria was removed from the market as the people decided against moving, so they were in a weird limbo of wanting to move but nothing falling into place...until last week it seems. She picked her dog up on Saturday evening when returning from holiday, and then sent a message on Sunday saying they had agreed a sale and found another house in Cumbria to purchase and that the chain was all in place and progressing. She clearly knew when getting the dog but decided against saying anything at the time.
Assuming all goes well with their chain I assume they'll be off in a few months, and I'm still fairly angry about it all to be honest. I've not replied to the message as there is nothing much to say positive from my end, and I doubt she'll want my honest opinion about wanting to play horses and get pissed with her mate rather than have anything to do with her grandkids. I'll go back and re-read this thread in a moment as I recall opinions on both sides of the fence and I think that will be good for perspective.
She did say "please don't be disappointed in us for wanting this adventure". As I have mentioned before I can see why they might want to do it, but I can't help but feel really angry about the whole thing too. She will have almost zero relationship with her grandkids, as visiting and staying isn't really going to be an option due to the distance and the breakdown of the relationship, and she is leaving her elderly mother at this stage of her life which I think is pretty poor.
I don't know what I expect to happen next. I cant, and don't want to, stop them going if that's what they really want it just feels really quite pathetic on her part, and feels like they want nothing to do with us which is obviously quite hurtful. They've not even spoken with my step sister since September, she has no idea (from them) that this is all happening.
It's just a really stty situation all round really 
The last 6 months have been fairly strained being honest. The relationship we had before this has totally gone. The last time I went around to my mum and stepdads house was September when this all started. My kids have not been there either. Apart for a very brief passing when my Nan moved flat in December I've not seen my stepdad at all. I've seen my mother a handful of times, a couple of dog walks with the kids and I looked after their dog last week whilst they were away, and she popped round for a quick visit on mine and my eldest birthdays, but that's it really.
As mentioned above my Nan has moved flat to one a few miles closer to me and is happy as it means she can walk to more stuff locally rather than getting the bus.
The house my mother wanted up in Cumbria was removed from the market as the people decided against moving, so they were in a weird limbo of wanting to move but nothing falling into place...until last week it seems. She picked her dog up on Saturday evening when returning from holiday, and then sent a message on Sunday saying they had agreed a sale and found another house in Cumbria to purchase and that the chain was all in place and progressing. She clearly knew when getting the dog but decided against saying anything at the time.
Assuming all goes well with their chain I assume they'll be off in a few months, and I'm still fairly angry about it all to be honest. I've not replied to the message as there is nothing much to say positive from my end, and I doubt she'll want my honest opinion about wanting to play horses and get pissed with her mate rather than have anything to do with her grandkids. I'll go back and re-read this thread in a moment as I recall opinions on both sides of the fence and I think that will be good for perspective.
She did say "please don't be disappointed in us for wanting this adventure". As I have mentioned before I can see why they might want to do it, but I can't help but feel really angry about the whole thing too. She will have almost zero relationship with her grandkids, as visiting and staying isn't really going to be an option due to the distance and the breakdown of the relationship, and she is leaving her elderly mother at this stage of her life which I think is pretty poor.
I don't know what I expect to happen next. I cant, and don't want to, stop them going if that's what they really want it just feels really quite pathetic on her part, and feels like they want nothing to do with us which is obviously quite hurtful. They've not even spoken with my step sister since September, she has no idea (from them) that this is all happening.
It's just a really s
tty situation all round really Edited by S100HP on Wednesday 20th March 03:09
This may be very diverse and is certainly very personal/ subjective, however…
Living your own life just to satisfy others isn’t the objective here, certainly not to me.
Yes it’s sad that it will reduce any relationship with you and the grandkids and her mum. But in reality, do the kids care?! Probably not. You clearly are angry OP but the relationship as-is isn’t a positive one. Ive zero idea about the relationship with her mum - however it seems like she in independent and living her own life how she wants it too.
Yes it’s selfish, but sometimes you really have to be. Life is too short to just service others’ needs in sake of your own IMHO.
Living your own life just to satisfy others isn’t the objective here, certainly not to me.
Yes it’s sad that it will reduce any relationship with you and the grandkids and her mum. But in reality, do the kids care?! Probably not. You clearly are angry OP but the relationship as-is isn’t a positive one. Ive zero idea about the relationship with her mum - however it seems like she in independent and living her own life how she wants it too.
Yes it’s selfish, but sometimes you really have to be. Life is too short to just service others’ needs in sake of your own IMHO.
It can be difficult when you have an idea of what should happen and things don't evolve into the mould you've imagined they should. I can guarantee your kids will be fine though.
There are families in all sorts of situations, the important bit is that the people your kids live with (you) instill the right attitude into them.
Your kids would not be "better off" spending loads of time with their grandparents, they'll just have different experiences growing up.
There are families in all sorts of situations, the important bit is that the people your kids live with (you) instill the right attitude into them.
Your kids would not be "better off" spending loads of time with their grandparents, they'll just have different experiences growing up.
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