Parents moving away

We intend to do exactly the same thing as the OP's mother with one slight exception, not until my 90yr old MIL who lives closeby has passed - but the way she is going I may well pass before she does.

I like horses, but couldn't eat a whole one. Seriously, I fking hate horses. Never trust anything that doesn't stop for a poo. And people who are big into horses are the world's most boring people. No matter what the subject, in 30 seconds they've turned it back round to effing horses.

"So, did you see that documentary last night about American govt involvement in Central America in the late 70s and early 80s?"
"No I didn't, but 4 years ago we went horse riding in Nicaragua. Ooo, it was marvellous............."

OP, if she's in to horses, you're well rid of her. And she's moving away, so the onus is on her to visit you. When she hasn't seen you for 6 months and is complaining about it, just reply "well you know where we are". And of she ever says they're getting to old to do the journey, tell her she should have thought about that before fking off to the arse end of nowhere.

Why should the OPs parent stay in an area they don’t want to? If the OP is so concerned about keeping the family unit together, perhaps he should move to Cumbria with them?

You (and the OP) are in no place to decide what will make his parents “happy”

You have one life, don’t live it for others.

It's come as a bit of a shock if I'm honest, especially given their negativity to their friends moving a few months back. They had a lovely big house, land etc, everything you could want and my parents didn't understand this desire for more. My parents have a nice house, stables in the back garden, open access to the forest etc, yet here they are wanting "more" when sometimes what you have is already enough. They already have more than most people will ever have.

Potentially but they seem pretty set. Valuations coming on their house this week, particulars of places up there being shared etc. They seem pretty set on the idea.

I think its the distance mostly. If it was the Cotwolds, we could see them whenever (within reason) but as mentioned by several other posters, Cumbria, and the areas they are looking at are a bloody long way away. Weekends aren't really viable.

The thing is, they've been very happy where they are for years and years. They've everything already, but they are looking at moving 300 miles for a paddock and their friends. My mother was waxing lyrical about the riding up there and how wonderful it is. This all boils down to bloody horses and stuff the rest of us, or at least that is how it feels currently. She has said my stepdad (who is a tricky character) was like a different person up there, seemed much happier etc so maybe it is what he wants, needs in the latter years of his life, but it just feels like a rather extreme decision to me, moving away from everything. We'd not be going up there because my wife doesn't want to leave her elderly father, unlike my mother. Who knows, maybe when he's passed on we'd move to North Wales taking MIL with us, and that way we'd be a bit closer, but for now she's not willing to move away from him.

Sounds like your mum might want to be getting away for the responsibility of looking after your gran. As for your stepfather he sounds like he will need to be near a damn good hospital and living in Cumbria may mean trips to Manchester or Liverpool if things get complicated.

If something happens to them and it will, there is no way you are going to be able to help them with anything and your mum may have to give up her beloved horses sooner than if she stays put, if she ends up with multi hour trips to Cumbria everyday.

Cumbria can be miserable with all the rain it gets compared to the South Coast, certainly a lot less opportunity to ride in good conditions.

Of course it is up to them, but I can still think, and say I think that it's a foolish mistake.

My view is that when you have kids you do live for others whether you want to or not. Not just like a sort of lease agreement until they're 18 but as a lifetime commitment, your most meaningful legacy and your link with the future of humanity. Obviously not to the exclusion of everything else, but to actually go and move 6 hours away from them so you can have more room for horses seems completely absurd to me.

You’ve mentioned this multiple times… is there something you’d like to talk more about?

There is an awful lot to unpack there but that's not for this thread. Funny you should say that however as my half brother (dad/stepmum) has said similar before.

I forgot to add. His daughter lives locally (shes a couple of years older than I) with her teenage son. They have barely seen each other for the last few years, despite proximity. I've no idea if she knows of their plans, but its doubtful.

Someone was telling me of a couple whos daugther moved to Wales so they moved to be close to her. The daughter and her husband then had to move so he was closer to work. They are now stuck in Wales and don't know anyone, imagine if you mums freinds pass away, they won't know anyone.

I'm going to add further to my previous comment, maybe you can relate, maybe you can't but i will say it anyway.

My Mrs side of the family live around 8 -9 hours away from us, so as others have said similar on here it's not exactly around the corner and not something you'd do a weekend trip for and for the most part we see them around twice a year, sometimes only once and if it is twice a year its a mix of us travelling all the way to the top end of Scotland and them visiting us in Yorkshire as well as them heading down to London to see their other two daughters and partners too, they adore their grandchildren and are regularly updated with what's going off through pictures on Facebook or telephone calls, video calls etc in between those visits, and i would go as far as to say that works for us as when we do see each other properly it's really good to catch up face to face, and on the off chance something did happen that needed us to be there then that would always take priority over work and we would be there as quickly as possible, obviously that works for us but everyone is different.

Now here's where i have the opinion on you're mum moving etc and how her opinion has changed since what she said before, very recently we have had two deaths within my family and both of those very close to me, my mum been one of them who died of a health condition i too share, she was only 61, the other been my grandfather who i had a special bond with throughout my life so far, for reference I'm 38 years old, now having seen what those that have been left behind are now like, they are mere shells of themselves living in regret of things they didn't do and things they've said to which my grandmother at 83 years old said to me to live my life to the fullest and if something makes you happy then do it because at the click of your fingers your life can change as did hers with no prior warning.

I appreciate this has gone slightly off course with what I've said here, but what i am saying i guess is that you're mother maybe have said one opinion at one given time and now it's different but lives change and if moving to where she now wishes to locate to makes her happy then surely you want that for her? You've voiced you're concerns and you are right to but you also have to listen to what she wants too, I am also going to assume that she is well off with having stables in the garden, horses etc so money shouldn't be an issue of not been able to afford to see one another.

Life is great until the one day it isn't, let her live her life and hope it all works out.