Mini Cooper S JCW (R56) | PH Fleet

The Mini is a goner. Guess what Matt Bird has replaced it with?

Pride comes before the fall, or so they say. Doesn’t seem so long ago (because it wasn’t) that I was contemplating a few upgrades for the Mini to get the best from a car I was really enjoying; some road trips, maybe a track day, that sort of thing. And here I am with an old man’s Mazda in front of the house and not a Mini, with barely a few hundred quid to show for it. Bloody cars.

This era of Mini doesn’t have an engine temperature gauge. Which hadn’t ever really been an issue, as it was always given a few minutes before going over 3,000rpm and the turbo always given a chance to cool down after a longer run. The Cooper S was running great. Then it wasn’t. Steam that I had (very optimistically) hoped would be some of the constant rain we’ve experienced getting hot somewhere was nothing of the sort. It was proper steam, because the radiator had sprung a leak, the engine had run out of coolant, then overheated, resulting in head gasket failure. Probably a keener eye should have been kept on the coolant, but I never even saw the leak because it’s not always parked in the same place and there’s been so much rain. Still, not a single warning light has ever illuminated. Maybe I should have been more diligent, though it does still feel a tad unlucky. 

My local garage that gave the diagnosis was willing to take on the remedial work, but reckoned it wasn’t really economically viable given their estimate (which would have gone into four figures) and the value of the car (which was likely even less than I thought it was). If I’d got it fixed then I would have felt obligated to keep the Mini for many more years to justify the outlay. Which I didn’t really want to do. Not least because I’d always be worrying about another big bill lurking. 

But it seemed too good for scrap (which was their suggestion) given the time and money that’s gone into it. Perhaps I could have saved it more cheaply myself, though that seemed far from guaranteed. So instead, it’ll go to Alex Kersten (aka AutoAlex on YouTube) who can hopefully resurrect the Mini and have some fun with it. It’ll be missed, for sure, though having spent so much in a little over a year it won’t be the fondest farewell in the world. 

Initially, the replacement seemed obvious: I wanted a Toyota GT86, and have done since having a long-term test car in 2015. My son had barely travelled in the Mini, so having limited rear room didn’t matter too much; they’re pretty tough and relatively simple, as well as great fun. There were plenty around locally but, as you can probably see, I bottled it. With a budget of around £9k (thanks interest-free credit card and some measly savings), it was only the highest mileage, oldest cars I could afford. As well as the concern at stuff wearing out now the cars were 12 years old, I knew I’d want to modify and upgrade as I went. It’s that kind of car. With outgoings currently being what they are, that’s just not viable. I needed a car that would offer precious little temptation to tinker with but also wasn’t completely joyless for a year or two of (hopefully) stress-free motoring. 

A Swift Sport would have worked, but my partner Alice didn’t want one. She suggested a 1 Series without a straight six, but I didn’t want one. Neither, really, did I want to spend ages researching 1.0-litre turbo hatchbacks. Then up popped this Mazda, just listed and without pics, but two miles from home, in a good spec (a 2.0 Sport Nav manual) and painted Soul Red. Just before leaving to have a look, the pics went live and it seemed just as good as a low-mileage, low-owner, 2016 car should look. 

The 3 had been taken in part exchange at the local JLR dealership (I’d like to think it was traded in for an F-Type as a retirement gift) and was apparently too good just to send to auction. There was lots of main dealer history, barely a blemish inside, and really nicely presented wheels. A couple of scratches would be sorted, it would be serviced before collection, with July’s MOT included as well, on top of an approved used warranty.

That favourable first impression was backed up by the drive (not sporty, but with a lovely engine and gearbox) and a deal was done for £9,500. So that’s the most expensive (because the old 3 Series wagon was the family car) and one of the least powerful (120hp) cars I’ve ever owned. Doesn’t seem very PH, though it’s perfect for the current situation: £35 a year road tax, same insurance as the older Mini that cost thousands less, more than 40mpg without thinking about it. 

Of course, I’ve looked at BBR’s range of upgrades for this era of 3 (because we all do with new cars, right?), but it’s also perfectly fine as is. I’ve already done a few hundred miles and the Mazda is quiet, refined, and a real pleasure to drive. It won’t thrill with insatiable rev happiness or turn every roundabout into a drift circle (or make for very interesting updates), but all the crucial bits operate with the slickness and precision that’s come to characterise so many Mazdas. And that’s nice. Rest assured a fun car will return as soon as possible - but for now I’m content (enough) with the easy life.

FACT SHEET 

Car: 2016 Mazda 3 2.0 Sport Nav
Run by: Matt Bird
On fleet since: April 2024
Bought for: £9,500
Mileage: 47,789
Last month at a glance: Mini moves on; Mazda moves in

Previous reports (Mini)

• Matt wanted an RX-8 - he ended up with a Mini
• Honeymoon period commences…
• … Honeymoon period finishes 
• Freshly Michelin’d Mini much improved!
• Time for the track?