What are your experiences of downsizing?
Discussion
It'll be a few years until our youngest is through school and university, but my wife and I have already started talking about moving away from the expensive, crowded South-East to somewhere more rural and relaxing.
We're surprisingly well aligned on the areas of the country we're interested in, but very much in two minds over what sort of move we want. Moving from where we are will give us plenty of financial options, but we're completely in two minds between...
1. "Downsize" to a significantly bigger place which will allow us to host all our kids and any future partners and grandchildren for Christmas and the like. The downsides of this are taking less cash out of the sale, probably having higher maintenance costs and heating bills, and spending much of the time rattling around the place on our own, but with that benefit of being able to have extended family with us whenever we want for as long as we want.
2. Actually downsize to somewhere that's the right size for a couple and maybe one family or a couple of sets of grandchildren to visit at any one time. Obvious downside here is not being able to have them all at once, but as it could potentially free up an extra £300k, investing that would allow us to take them all away on fairly frequent nice holidays to other places!
I'm more inclined to option 2, but my wife is more inclined to option 1. She points out that we see a lot less of her mother (2-bed terrace) than we do her father or my parents (both 6+ bedrooms), which I counter with the fact that the latter two live 15 minutes from each other but 3+ hours away from her mother, plus if we spend less time with her mother, that's probably as much out of choice on both sides as it is the available accommodation, given that she's only an hour or so away from us anyway!
So - for the more senior PHers who've already done this sort of thing, how did it go for you? Which option did you pick? Any regrets? Any tips?
We're surprisingly well aligned on the areas of the country we're interested in, but very much in two minds over what sort of move we want. Moving from where we are will give us plenty of financial options, but we're completely in two minds between...
1. "Downsize" to a significantly bigger place which will allow us to host all our kids and any future partners and grandchildren for Christmas and the like. The downsides of this are taking less cash out of the sale, probably having higher maintenance costs and heating bills, and spending much of the time rattling around the place on our own, but with that benefit of being able to have extended family with us whenever we want for as long as we want.
2. Actually downsize to somewhere that's the right size for a couple and maybe one family or a couple of sets of grandchildren to visit at any one time. Obvious downside here is not being able to have them all at once, but as it could potentially free up an extra £300k, investing that would allow us to take them all away on fairly frequent nice holidays to other places!
I'm more inclined to option 2, but my wife is more inclined to option 1. She points out that we see a lot less of her mother (2-bed terrace) than we do her father or my parents (both 6+ bedrooms), which I counter with the fact that the latter two live 15 minutes from each other but 3+ hours away from her mother, plus if we spend less time with her mother, that's probably as much out of choice on both sides as it is the available accommodation, given that she's only an hour or so away from us anyway!
So - for the more senior PHers who've already done this sort of thing, how did it go for you? Which option did you pick? Any regrets? Any tips?
Option 2 all the way
Im 50 and already thinking ahead to 65 and downsizing and living off the change from moving. Hopefully the children will have fckd off by then and we can get a lot smaller place
Our place has a lot of land and mature gardens - keeping on top now is hard work, never mind later on in life
Im 50 and already thinking ahead to 65 and downsizing and living off the change from moving. Hopefully the children will have fckd off by then and we can get a lot smaller place
Our place has a lot of land and mature gardens - keeping on top now is hard work, never mind later on in life
Option 2 - use the spare cash to have family gatherings at a friendly local hotel or something, let's face it they wouldn't be staying with you so some may end up in hotels when visiting anyway.
edit: we as a family frequently do this for the big dates like xmas, you pay for it but there is no cleaning or cooking to do, everybody gets to relax and enjoy themselves
edit: we as a family frequently do this for the big dates like xmas, you pay for it but there is no cleaning or cooking to do, everybody gets to relax and enjoy themselves
Edited by andburg on Tuesday 21st May 15:32
Norton850 said:
Option 2..
i am early fifties and downsized from a four bed in Kensington London to a 3 bed farm house with 17 acres for my motorcycle trials hobby and some animals.
We can still host family putting up marquees etc, though space is tight for all the family staying over but it released a decent amount of cash so we are happy.
Errr, I think that definitely counts as option 1!i am early fifties and downsized from a four bed in Kensington London to a 3 bed farm house with 17 acres for my motorcycle trials hobby and some animals.
We can still host family putting up marquees etc, though space is tight for all the family staying over but it released a decent amount of cash so we are happy.
Edited by Norton850 on Tuesday 21st May 15:41
OP, do you genuinely want to see your kids and grandchildren? If you do, then option 1 is pretty much your only option, whether it's extra rooms or land. Getting together with family in hotels, other locations etc., is actually a real faff to arrange for most people, especially if they have kids. But if you have room, you can make last minute plans and be flexible.
We have the big house with land, so we usually do the hosting for most things. Everyone turns up at ours, people drop out at the last minute because a child is ill or can suddenly get time off work and make it at the last minute. There's no stress either way, no cancellation charges to worry about or having to find extra accommodation elsewhere because the hotel you're all staying at is fully booked or only business class seats are left at £2k per seat. Mrs QQ's ex-in laws did option 2 and they never had a family gathering any more than once a year, sometimes every other year, and inevitably somebody wouldn't be able to make it. We arranged a couple of additional family gatherings at large Airbnb places, but we also had last minute drop outs due to illness.
If you want to see your family together regularly, go with option 1. If you want to leave them behind and go on a holiday yourself, then take option 2 but don't kid yourself or your wife that you'll see the children or grandchildren regularly.
How often do you and your siblings visit your parents at the same time? If you parents are no.longer around how often did this happen when they were around? Then ask why your kids will.be any different to you. If you do gather at your parents house for gatherings often, how will they feel if everyone goes to your house. Don't buy a house in case your kids decide to spend the night at your house every other christmas. Buy one that will allow you to lead the life you want.
We will shortly be moving from a 5 bedroom grade 2 listed farmhouse, to a 4 bedroom new build, so have already done the maths and had the debate. We live in the middle of nowhere and the farmhouse is a great party house and if you include the motorhome I have parked up on the yard, we can easily sleep 12/14 adults and several children. How often has this happened in the last 5 years - never, not once. My girlfriend keeps going on about Christmas/Birthdays etc and having the family over, so we need a table that can seat at least 12 people, but that has only happened a couple of times, so the moral of my story is, to live somewhere which meets your needs for >95% of the time and make separate arrangements for the rest.
My best analogy is, that if you need to take 12 people to the airport, you would hire a minibus or pay someone to take them. You wouldn’t run a minibus as your daily driver. HTH
My best analogy is, that if you need to take 12 people to the airport, you would hire a minibus or pay someone to take them. You wouldn’t run a minibus as your daily driver. HTH
We’ve been looking at smaller houses but with ancillary accommodation, not that I’m especially interested in the airb’n’b lark, but it might make sense to at least allow the possibility of additional income in retirement and/or as a fall back to ensure that our son would always have a roof over his head, given the ridiculousness of London and SE property prices.
ARHarh said:
How often do you and your siblings visit your parents at the same time? If you parents are no.longer around how often did this happen when they were around? Then ask why your kids will.be any different to you. If you do gather at your parents house for gatherings often, how will they feel if everyone goes to your house. Don't buy a house in case your kids decide to spend the night at your house every other christmas. Buy one that will allow you to lead the life you want.
On my side not that often, but my only sibling lives overseas anyway. Maybe once every 3 years or so. We're there far more frequently though.On my wife's side, between siblings and step-siblings, far more frequently. Given how close her father is to my parents, we'll have at least a couple of meals there every year with 12+ people.
With just our family, I'd say we're down at one of the other at least one weekend every couple of months plus every Christmas and the occasional Easter.
The challenge in my mind is that with three kids of our own who may or may not reproduce there's every chance we won't be able to afford anywhere big enough to house them all anyway, so if we go for somewhere bigger we run the risk of it still not being big enough to take them all whilst leaving us without enough cash to take them all away.
The alternative is a nice 3/4 bed cottage somewhere that can easily take one or two of the kids with partners/kids but then having ample cash to splash out £6-7k for a week at Christmas on something like this every couple of years that can fit everyone pretty much regardless of how many grandchildren they give us!
I'm also looking at my parents who are definitely in a house that's way to big for their needs 48-50 weeks of the year!
Option 2.
Perhaps consider buying something with a decent size garden. You could put a garden room in and it could serve as temp accom?
I don’t see the point in downsizing to a house that would have numerous spare bedrooms for the majority of the year? Especially if financially, the move doesn’t release much funds.
Perhaps consider buying something with a decent size garden. You could put a garden room in and it could serve as temp accom?
I don’t see the point in downsizing to a house that would have numerous spare bedrooms for the majority of the year? Especially if financially, the move doesn’t release much funds.
I think you’re probably right with the 3/4 bed thing, throw in a sofa bed or two and you’ll be in a good spot.
My mom has a proper downsizers house and it’s a pain. We’ve never stayed there with my now 4 year old as it’s too small. It’s also in an expensive part of the world so airbnb’s in the area cost a lot. So we probably see far less of her than we would had there been room.
I’m a way from it, but my plan would probably be 4-5 bed place somewhere more rural. Which depending where you’re moving from in London could easily still be half the price or less.
My mom has a proper downsizers house and it’s a pain. We’ve never stayed there with my now 4 year old as it’s too small. It’s also in an expensive part of the world so airbnb’s in the area cost a lot. So we probably see far less of her than we would had there been room.
I’m a way from it, but my plan would probably be 4-5 bed place somewhere more rural. Which depending where you’re moving from in London could easily still be half the price or less.
Somewhere around option 2 all day long.
A relative moved to France when there were tons of Brits floating around. Most of them built pools and extensions to entice grandchildren etc. In most cases the pool got used a handful of times before they discovered girls/ boys/ ketamine etc and they were lumbered with steaming moneypits.
My grandmother wound up living alone in a 5 bedroom house. There were a lot of memories tied up in it of course but keeping on top of it was eventually abandoned and it slowly started going downhill.
Pure couple-sized might not be practical either so I'd go slightly upwards. Certainly wouldn't want a country mansion that echoed with emptiness most of the year though.
A relative moved to France when there were tons of Brits floating around. Most of them built pools and extensions to entice grandchildren etc. In most cases the pool got used a handful of times before they discovered girls/ boys/ ketamine etc and they were lumbered with steaming moneypits.
My grandmother wound up living alone in a 5 bedroom house. There were a lot of memories tied up in it of course but keeping on top of it was eventually abandoned and it slowly started going downhill.
Pure couple-sized might not be practical either so I'd go slightly upwards. Certainly wouldn't want a country mansion that echoed with emptiness most of the year though.
Edited by bloomen on Tuesday 21st May 22:00
Option 2, just get something not too small. 4 bed is about right in my mind. The extra bedrooms come in handy for us as an extra study, and a photo room for Mrs BigM. We just convert them back to bedrooms when the grandkids come to stay. Once our kids started to have their own families then we go there more often than they come to us. Especially at Christmas when it’s not fair to expect them to come to us. They need to make their own Christmas traditions and memories. We tend to have big family gatherings at neutral venues like ski chalets, or hotels. Sometimes shared holidays. Works well for us and we don’t need a massive 6 bedroom mansion any more.
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