Comeback for slagging off wife's colleague?

[numtumfutunch]

Bit of a tough one this
Firstly I appreciate how disabling mental illness can be and I have always been understanding and patient with my own friends and colleagues, some of whom have been to very bad places and still not fully recovered

Before going further Im unlikely to do anything stupid as detailed below but did wonder what the consequence would be

OK my wifes line manager is an absolute waste of space
This chap rakes in a huge salary but hasnt actually been at work longer than a fortnight for 2y due to "stress" whilst still drawing his full salary - yes its public sector to pre-empt the obvious

As mentioned I would ordinarily have the upmost sympathy however not any more with this person, I would rather not detail the specifics in the unlikely event of it he hears of this thread (stranger things have happened) but please bear with me that if I did you would possibly side with me too

There is a retirement do going ahead at the weekend and somehow this chap has heard of it and is attending

In the time hes been off the rest of the team have been going through hell, mopping up his responsibility plus the work he should be contributing for little thanks
My missus has arguably shouldered the most of this and on many occasions has transferred her work stress back home to me and the kids, it has occasionally been bloody awful and caused significant aggro to our relationship

The question is a simple one
If I get lagered up and tell this guy what I think of him on Saturday night what kind of grievance if any can he take through official channels to my wife or the 'company?'
The function is at a public venue, not work premises

Just wondering...............................

[Countdown]

Is there any benefit to slagging him off (apart from making him feel bad / making you feel good) ? What would you getting lagered up and entering a slanging match do for your wife's reputation with her colleagues?

In addition it's not going to create a harmonious working atmosphere between your wife and him if/when he decides to return. He may even be in a position to affect your wife's career prospects (either directly or indirectly)

If he's been off 2 years I'm guessing he's on SSP only so I doubt he's swinging the lead - maybe he really is seriously stressed/depressed?

What I'm trying to say is - I probably wouldn't

ETA OFFICIALLY it's unlikely that it would formally affect your wife (Private "do" on private premises). However there is nothing stopping him lodging a grievance, and that grievance being investigated (with your wife being potentially suspended during the investigation).

Edited by Countdown on Monday 10th June 21:00

[numtumfutunch]

Above taken on board - thanks
I know the sensible option is to keep my mouth shut

BTW he is somewhat incredulously on full pay after much legal wrangling, his reputation within the department is at gutter level

[New POD]

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

[VinceFox]

Tough one. If you go, do NOT drink.

[NNH]

New POD said:

(snip)
Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Possibly, yes. I had a bout with depression in 2011-12, and my doctor was forever offering me the opportunity to sign off work. I was actually shocked by how easily I could have played the system.

[LaurasOtherHalf]

New POD said:

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Not sure if serious?

[sassanach0]

LaurasOtherHalf said:

New POD said:

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Not sure if serious?

two years off with stress= chancer

[rhinochopig]

sassanach0 said:

LaurasOtherHalf said:

New POD said:

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Not sure if serious?

two years off with stress= chancer

Not necessarily. He could be trapped in the job by an expensive family and mortgage / other debts. There's an awful lot of people who are.

[New POD]

swerni said:

rhinochopig said:

sassanach0 said:

LaurasOtherHalf said:

New POD said:

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Not sure if serious?

two years off with stress= chancer

Not necessarily. He could be trapped in the job by an expensive family and mortgage / other debts. There's an awful lot of people who are.

Nah, he's taking the piss.

No. not taking the piss. Mental illness bought on by work place stress isn't funny. I know too many people who have been affected by this.

What the OP's wife sees is only one side of someone's problem. It obviously has a effect on her, and the amount of work and how much stress she has, but that doesn't mean the manager isn't genuinely ill. (And if the T&C's are generous enough then he's lucky that he has time to put his life back together)

[LaurasOtherHalf]

New POD said:

swerni said:

rhinochopig said:

sassanach0 said:

LaurasOtherHalf said:

New POD said:

For F**K sake !!!!!!

The guy has been off work with stress, and as part of his rehabilitation his doctor has suggested that attending a retirement function of one of his team might help his recovery.

How f**KING callous are you ?

Yes I once suffered from work place generated stress, which I freely admit was because I took on a job, I wasn't very good at, but all the people around me would have seen is a bloke who randomly made stupid ill thought out decisions, whilst bullying those staff he deemed "a problem" to work harder.

Luckily I do a job I can do now, but please treat the poor bloke with some respect. Do you think he wants to be off sick ?

Not sure if serious?

two years off with stress= chancer

Not necessarily. He could be trapped in the job by an expensive family and mortgage / other debts. There's an awful lot of people who are.

Nah, he's taking the piss.

No. not taking the piss. Mental illness bought on by work place stress isn't funny. I know too many people who have been affected by this.

What the OP's wife sees is only one side of someone's problem. It obviously has a effect on her, and the amount of work and how much stress she has, but that doesn't mean the manager isn't genuinely ill. (And if the T&C's are generous enough then he's lucky that he has time to put his life back together)

Ok, I'll clarify my questioning your OP....

I get that mental illness is a serious debilitation but your quick to judge post offers an interesting insight. Namely that you freely admit to being poor at your job & a nightmare to you co-workers.

Now, I'm sure there's lots more to the story than some mini rant on a motoring forum, but I suspect a large proportion of people will see your situation as someone being rewarded for gross ineptitude, all whilst being a financial & moral drain on your employers & co-workers.

Perhaps some responsibility should be directed at the HR team that employed someone so inept, but to continue to take the paycheque whilst not doing what you were paid to do along with making ypur co-workers lives a misery isn't going to get you much sympathy round these parts.

But please feel free to tell us more, sharing's caring & all that

[edc]

LaurasOtherHalf said:

Ok, I'll clarify my questioning your OP....

I get that mental illness is a serious debilitation but your quick to judge post offers an interesting insight. Namely that you freely admit to being poor at your job & a nightmare to you co-workers.

Now, I'm sure there's lots more to the story than some mini rant on a motoring forum, but I suspect a large proportion of people will see your situation as someone being rewarded for gross ineptitude, all whilst being a financial & moral drain on your employers & co-workers.

Perhaps some responsibility should be directed at the HR team that employed someone so inept, but to continue to take the paycheque whilst not doing what you were paid to do along with making ypur co-workers lives a misery isn't going to get you much sympathy round these parts.

But please feel free to tell us more, sharing's caring & all that

The employment contract may have come from the HR team but the department managers should be managing these situations. If the business doesn't like the situation there is always a way around it.

[Muzzer79]

OP - why does it concern you if the manager is getting full pay or not? Why would you take the trouble to have a go at him?

It seems to me that you are willing to give this guy both barrels without really having the full facts. He could be genuinely ill through stress - how would you feel then?

If your wife is getting stressed herself through the work she is covering, that is something she needs to take up with HR. The Manager's terms and pay is nothing to do with her.

Frankly, if I was in her situation and my wife had a go at my boss in public like you're proposing I'd be absolutely mortified at her. I can think of few things less professional and career-limiting.

[ViperDave]

Work colleagues = work, no matter where it is or who sponsors it. Do not do anything at an office party you wouldn't do in an office, and expect the same consequences if you do something you shouldn't.

[Odie]

Your missus should just not go, stating that she is too busy and cant afford it

[Rickyy]

numtumfutunch said:

Bit of a tough one this
Firstly I appreciate how disabling mental illness can be and I have always been understanding and patient with my own friends and colleagues, some of whom have been to very bad places and still not fully recovered

Before going further Im unlikely to do anything stupid as detailed below but did wonder what the consequence would be

OK my wifes line manager is an absolute waste of space
This chap rakes in a huge salary but hasnt actually been at work longer than a fortnight for 2y due to "stress" whilst still drawing his full salary - yes its public sector to pre-empt the obvious

As mentioned I would ordinarily have the upmost sympathy however not any more with this person, I would rather not detail the specifics in the unlikely event of it he hears of this thread (stranger things have happened) but please bear with me that if I did you would possibly side with me too

There is a retirement do going ahead at the weekend and somehow this chap has heard of it and is attending

In the time hes been off the rest of the team have been going through hell, mopping up his responsibility plus the work he should be contributing for little thanks
My missus has arguably shouldered the most of this and on many occasions has transferred her work stress back home to me and the kids, it has occasionally been bloody awful and caused significant aggro to our relationship

The question is a simple one
If I get lagered up and tell this guy what I think of him on Saturday night what kind of grievance if any can he take through official channels to my wife or the 'company?'
The function is at a public venue, not work premises

Just wondering...............................

You have first hand experience of what work related stress does to people through your Wife, yet you're quite happy to have a pop at this bloke, not fully knowing his situation?

Work related stress is not funny, it ruins lives.

[anonymous-user]

Rickyy said:

numtumfutunch said:

Bit of a tough one this
Firstly I appreciate how disabling mental illness can be and I have always been understanding and patient with my own friends and colleagues, some of whom have been to very bad places and still not fully recovered

Before going further Im unlikely to do anything stupid as detailed below but did wonder what the consequence would be

OK my wifes line manager is an absolute waste of space
This chap rakes in a huge salary but hasnt actually been at work longer than a fortnight for 2y due to "stress" whilst still drawing his full salary - yes its public sector to pre-empt the obvious

As mentioned I would ordinarily have the upmost sympathy however not any more with this person, I would rather not detail the specifics in the unlikely event of it he hears of this thread (stranger things have happened) but please bear with me that if I did you would possibly side with me too

There is a retirement do going ahead at the weekend and somehow this chap has heard of it and is attending

In the time hes been off the rest of the team have been going through hell, mopping up his responsibility plus the work he should be contributing for little thanks
My missus has arguably shouldered the most of this and on many occasions has transferred her work stress back home to me and the kids, it has occasionally been bloody awful and caused significant aggro to our relationship

The question is a simple one
If I get lagered up and tell this guy what I think of him on Saturday night what kind of grievance if any can he take through official channels to my wife or the 'company?'
The function is at a public venue, not work premises

Just wondering...............................

You have first hand experience of what work related stress does to people through your Wife, yet you're quite happy to have a pop at this bloke, not fully knowing his situation?

Work related stress is not funny, it ruins lives.

Work related stress is a myth, perpetuated by the weak and incompetent.

If you don't like the heat...........

[BMWBen]

My 2c...

what business is it of yours exactly? If your wife can't cope with her workload that's something that she needs to sort out with her employer.

[vladcjelli]

BMWBen said:

My 2c...

what business is it of yours exactly? If your wife can't cope with her workload that's something that she needs to sort out with her employer.

Because as stated, her home life including the OP and their children, are suffering because of it.

Oh, and I would assume that they talk to each other, sharing their problems. Like people sometimes do when they marry.

Why would the OP not feel involved?

[BMWBen]

vladcjelli said:

BMWBen said:

My 2c...

what business is it of yours exactly? If your wife can't cope with her workload that's something that she needs to sort out with her employer.

Because as stated, her home life including the OP and their children, are suffering because of it.

Oh, and I would assume that they talk to each other, sharing their problems. Like people sometimes do when they marry.

Why would the OP not feel involved?

You miss my point - what has it got to do with this other guy? The issue is his partner and her employer. What her employer allows this person to do or not do is not her business, and therefore not the OP's business. If she's not coping with work, that's an entirely different issue that needs to be addressed.

For all you really know this other guy might have a horrible disease that he's trying to manage. It's simply not anybody's business.