Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)

[mchammer89]

To be honest I think we should just forget about these Alzheimer's jokes.

[johnnymaestro]

mchammer89 said:

To be honest I think we should just forget about these Alzheimer's jokes.

You what?

[sleep envy]

Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent says, "Sean, I've got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".

Sean furrows his brow and says, "Tennish? but I don't even have a racquet."

[Poledriver]

sleep envy said:

Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent says, "Sean, I've got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".

Sean furrows his brow and says, "Tennish? but I don't even have a racquet."

And so the thread comes full circle!

You do realise that you've killed it now?

[big dub]

Just on Jimmy Carr:

'You can tell when a girl is too young for you when you have to make aeroplane noises to get your ck in her mouth'



I'm going to hell.

[sleep envy]

I was fking this child's mouth...

oh fk

[fathomfive]

big dub said:

Just on Jimmy Carr:

'You can tell when a girl is too young for you when you have to make aeroplane noises to get your ck in her mouth'



I'm going to hell.

Save me a seat.

[Vipers]

Probably wasting my time with this one, but if any of any readers are ex Matelot's and were in the Navy when the rum ration was still on-going, it may bring a smile to your face.

---

Young sailor from Plymouth joins his ship in Guz.

The RPO on the gangway says to him in his janner accent :-

"Whats your name lad?"

"Bug"

"Be you gee ?" (ie B.U.G.)

"No, eye bee you a" (ie I.B.U.A.)

---

OK, I will go and hide in a corner now.......

[Stablelad]

Agoogy said:

RosscoPCole said:

What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs?

Gracias!

edited to ber funny

Would he not be a Spanish bumballer then?

[MynameisRob]

Edited by MynameisRob on Wednesday 18th November 11:56

[Poledriver]

Mynameis...Err said:

Not [pic]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a356/robt1982/Image94118534339web86205mailirdyaho.jpg[pic] Did you forget the / ?

Edited by Poledriver on Wednesday 18th November 11:57

Edited by Poledriver on Wednesday 18th November 12:00

[MynameisRob]

Poledriver said:

MynameisRob said:

Did you forget the / ?

Errrr no ...

[MynameisRob]

andy400 said:

Shirley:

'What's the difference between jam and marmalade?'

'You can't marmalade your cock up a bird's arse.'

It's fair to say this didn't go down well as a facebook status yesterday. Women are so sensitive ...

[71notout]

The Grim Reaper came to my house last night and said it was my time to go... I wasn't going without a fight so I hit him over the head with my vacuum cleaner.. I couldn't help but think I was Dyson with death

[callyman]

71notout said:

The Grim Reaper came to my house last night and said it was my time to go... I wasn't going without a fight so I hit him over the head with my vacuum cleaner.. I couldn't help but think I was Dyson with death

Shocking.

[Matt_N]

A boy is late home from school and eventually turns up at 7pm.

His Dad asks 'where have you been?'

'I was with Jessica', he replied.

'What were you doing?'

'We were revising'.

After having a quick snack, the boy says 'those fishcakes were lovely'.

The Dad replies 'wash your hands son, they're donuts'.

Actually, that is really quite rubbish

[Tony 1234]

71notout said:

The Grim Reaper came to my house last night and said it was my time to go... I wasn't going without a fight so I hit him over the head with my vacuum cleaner.. I couldn't help but think I was Dyson with death

[andy400]

MynameisRob said:

andy400 said:

Shirley:

'What's the difference between jam and marmalade?'

'You can't marmalade your cock up a bird's arse.'

It's fair to say this didn't go down well as a facebook status yesterday. Women are so sensitive ...

[North West Tom]

I had a row with my wife before.





Didn't last long though, the water was too choppy.

[North West Tom]

I was making some dinner when I heard a bang, so went outside to see what it was. To my amazement, a cyclist had been knocked down and lay motionless on the road.

Then I had a moment of shock. I'd just realised the fking toast was burning.

Edited by North West Tom on Wednesday 18th November 16:31