Sean Connery Joke (Volume IV)
Discussion
Flying Toilet said:
dan101smith said:
poj said:
Porn film titles that should've been....
Inspect her gadget
One blew over the hookers chest
Night of the giving head
Thrush Hour
Ass ventura
Hannah mounts Anna
Edward dildo hands
Reservoir dogging
Three willys
cumblob squidgypants
Shavings Ryans privates
Jock's Cock and Two Smoking CarolsInspect her gadget
One blew over the hookers chest
Night of the giving head
Thrush Hour
Ass ventura
Hannah mounts Anna
Edward dildo hands
Reservoir dogging
Three willys
cumblob squidgypants
Shavings Ryans privates
Jurrasic Poke
Big Knobs and Wombsticks
Clitty Clitty Gang Bang
etc etc
Schindler's Fist
Ally McSqueal
Steve and Rachel were walking home from the pub when Rachel says she needs a pee. So she goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.
Feeling half cut and horny Steve sticks his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between her legs.
He jokingly asks, "Have you had a sex change?"
Rachel replies, "No, I've changed my mind. I'm having a s
t."
Feeling half cut and horny Steve sticks his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between her legs.
He jokingly asks, "Have you had a sex change?"
Rachel replies, "No, I've changed my mind. I'm having a s
t."Stablelad said:
Any Latvians in the house? Hope not........
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
I quite liked them for some reason...Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
BUT... in the first 'joke' man has potatoeS
in 2nd 'joke' is suggesting premise ridiculous...
clearly not...you arrested by joke police.
Agoogy said:
Stablelad said:
Any Latvians in the house? Hope not........
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
I quite liked them for some reason...Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
BUT... in the first 'joke' man has potatoeS
in 2nd 'joke' is suggesting premise ridiculous...
Steve-O56 said:
Toni896 said:
Stablelad said:
Any Latvians in the house? Hope not........
Erm just case you havent noticed this is trying to be a joke thread ..
Edited by Steve-O56 on Thursday 19th November 11:58
Stablelad said:
Any Latvians in the house? Hope not........
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.
Why is Latvian throw clock out window?
Will be no appointments anymore, only endure til death.
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.
Latvian Nursery rhyme:
one potato, one potato, one potato, no more potato..
soldier eat potato and rape daughter...is end.
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
Two Latvians stand on bridge away from all others. First Latvian make sure no one can hear, say "What do you think of the new regime?" Second Latvian look to make sure no one can hear, say "I think about new regime same as you think about new regime." First Latvian say "In that case, I arrest you in the name of the State."
Before you judge a Ukranian, walk a kilometer in his shoes. After that who care? He a kilometer away and you have his shoes. The end.
Latvian man hear knock at door. "Who is it?" ask man. "Is Potato Man. Am delivering free potatoes door-to-door" say voice. Man rejoice. "Oh! Such a blessing! This must be wonderful dream!" Latvian open door, man say "Just kidding. Is Secret Police."
Joke:
Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.
Joke:
A fishmonger says to a bootblack, “Are there any more potato left?” Bootblack says, “Yes, one. But it has gone bad.” The fishmonger says, “I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill.” And bootblack says, “I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend.”
Joke:
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
Joke:
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.
Joke:
Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Joke:
Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.”
Awesome! Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son’s body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.
Why is Latvian throw clock out window?
Will be no appointments anymore, only endure til death.
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.
Latvian Nursery rhyme:
one potato, one potato, one potato, no more potato..
soldier eat potato and rape daughter...is end.
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
Two Latvians stand on bridge away from all others. First Latvian make sure no one can hear, say "What do you think of the new regime?" Second Latvian look to make sure no one can hear, say "I think about new regime same as you think about new regime." First Latvian say "In that case, I arrest you in the name of the State."
Before you judge a Ukranian, walk a kilometer in his shoes. After that who care? He a kilometer away and you have his shoes. The end.
Latvian man hear knock at door. "Who is it?" ask man. "Is Potato Man. Am delivering free potatoes door-to-door" say voice. Man rejoice. "Oh! Such a blessing! This must be wonderful dream!" Latvian open door, man say "Just kidding. Is Secret Police."
Joke:
Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.
Joke:
A fishmonger says to a bootblack, “Are there any more potato left?” Bootblack says, “Yes, one. But it has gone bad.” The fishmonger says, “I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill.” And bootblack says, “I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend.”
Joke:
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
Joke:
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.
Joke:
Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Joke:
Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.”
pc.iow said:
Flying Toilet said:
dan101smith said:
poj said:
Porn film titles that should've been....
Inspect her gadget
One blew over the hookers chest
Night of the giving head
Thrush Hour
Ass ventura
Hannah mounts Anna
Edward dildo hands
Reservoir dogging
Three willys
cumblob squidgypants
Shavings Ryans privates
Jock's Cock and Two Smoking CarolsInspect her gadget
One blew over the hookers chest
Night of the giving head
Thrush Hour
Ass ventura
Hannah mounts Anna
Edward dildo hands
Reservoir dogging
Three willys
cumblob squidgypants
Shavings Ryans privates
Jurrasic Poke
Big Knobs and Wombsticks
Clitty Clitty Gang Bang
etc etc
Schindler's Fist
Ally McSqueal
Star Trek - Deep Throat nine
Beauty & the Beatiality
With apologies to those caught out in Cumbria with the storms.
A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
Edited by Vipers on Friday 20th November 07:54
JCB123 said:
Oh yeah, wasn't this the 3 legged, piano playing, one eyed donkey, ridden by a very fit and fashionable primate wearing clogs?
You know, the clinky clonky funky hunky monkey on a shonky honky tonky plinky plonky winky wonky donkey!
ok so what if the monkey was thirsty and had a penchant for tall sophisticated cocktails... he'd be having a slinky drinky! ...(you can do the rest if you can be arsed..)You know, the clinky clonky funky hunky monkey on a shonky honky tonky plinky plonky winky wonky donkey!
Edited by Agoogy on Friday 20th November 15:32
Vipers said:
With apologies to those caught out in Cumbria with the storms.
A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
It's window sill BTW. A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
Vipers said:
With apologies to those caught out in Cumbria with the storms.
A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
2 minutes of my life Im never getting back.A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
WTF was that ?
Laugh ?
I nearly started........
Poledriver said:
Vipers said:
With apologies to those caught out in Cumbria with the storms.
A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
It's window sill BTW. A religious man was sitting in his house near the river, when the banks broke with the excessive rain fall.
The Fire Brigade knocked on his door.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Fire Brigade depart.
Flood waters rise a bit more to windersill height.
Police arrive in their rubber boat.
"We are evacuating this area sir, come with us"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Police depart.
Eventually he is sitting on the top of his house.
RAF rescue arrive in their Sea King chopper.
"Sir, we will send down a ladder for you to climb on-board"
"I am staying, don't worry, my god will save me"
Water rose further, he died, and goes to heaven.
He meets up with god, and lays into him.
"God, I waited and waited and waited for you to save me, and you let me drown instead"
God replied
"My son, I sent the firebrigade, the police and even the chopper to rescue you".
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff