Bed time pawn stories
Discussion
croyde said:
911motorsport said:
There's a chap accross the road from me who needs to either move his computer away from the lounge window or turn the light off and get thicker curtains. The silhouette of a fat mid fifties male cranking at full tilt every time his wife goes out is quite frankly repugnant.
You must pop by the next time you see me and we'll have a cuppa.Last Christmas, some friends and I were going out for dinner in Beaconsfield Old Town. As I'm getting out of the car, you can see pretty much straight into the olde world living rooms and I start thinking "Mmmm interesting screen saver, it looks like a blonde with her legs akimbo" .. what I'd failed to notice for a good 5 seconds was the bloke sat with his back to the window with his trousers and pants round his ankles bashing one out. I cracked up and then had to explain to my wife and our two female friends what was so funny, one of whom did have to verify.
Oakey said:
Maxymillion said:
self-bukkake
At least yours was accidental. I once worked with a guy who, known for being a bit filthy, told us how, whilst knocking one out, he'd lie on his bed and position his body halfway up the wall so he could deliberately shoot his load all over his face.My own story is fairly tame, was on site at a large clients helping out with a problem with the MD's laptop. The machine was being fairly flakey and he'd asked that if we got it booted couple we get some files from his My Documents. We found the files he was after sure enough - along with literally dozens of photos of his PA completely starkers in various porn-mag poses.
f13ldy said:
sleep envy said:
an amusing story from my uni days...
one summer I was invited over to a uni mate's place in the country seeing as his folks were on their hols
after meeting up with his mates in the pub and getting totally plastered we bought the obligatry kebabs and walked back to his to continue the session
once back at his folks place one of his mates deleved into the bowels of the cabinet which housed the TV and video and pulled out an video tape without a label on it and stuck it in the VCR
on the screen appeared a woman, in her mid fifties, who looked the spit of my mate's mum, getting very friendly with a random guy's old chap
the camera work was a bit shakey but whilst we held down our mate we worked out the camera man was his dad from the distinct watch which you could just make out...
not too sure what happened to the tape after that
Rubbish.one summer I was invited over to a uni mate's place in the country seeing as his folks were on their hols
after meeting up with his mates in the pub and getting totally plastered we bought the obligatry kebabs and walked back to his to continue the session
once back at his folks place one of his mates deleved into the bowels of the cabinet which housed the TV and video and pulled out an video tape without a label on it and stuck it in the VCR
on the screen appeared a woman, in her mid fifties, who looked the spit of my mate's mum, getting very friendly with a random guy's old chap
the camera work was a bit shakey but whilst we held down our mate we worked out the camera man was his dad from the distinct watch which you could just make out...
not too sure what happened to the tape after that
A proper urban myth.
substitute video tape for photographs and we found the same of a friend's parents.
A friend of mine, when he was younger he was coming back from the local pool and decided to take a route through all of the fields. Being a teenager and having just spent a few hours in the company of girls in swimwear, he decided to knock one out, in the desrted field....or so he thought.
As he was seeing to himself he kept looking around..only to look up and see a man floating down towards him on a parachute, waving.... he then decided to wave back, mid stroke. Realsing that he'd quite obviously been caught out he made the quickest exit he could...clotheslining himself on barbed wire!
This story came up at his wedding when ending the speech, the best man pulled out an action man on a parachute and threw it up in to the air - to howls of laughter from the back of the room. the rest of the evening was spent trying to avoid explaining the story to his mum & dad
.....
Saying that, this is the same guy who pulled over to have a tug in a field (again), only for his Dad to drive past and also pull over to see if he was in trouble...and stumbled across his son in a crouched position...you get the rest.
As he was seeing to himself he kept looking around..only to look up and see a man floating down towards him on a parachute, waving.... he then decided to wave back, mid stroke. Realsing that he'd quite obviously been caught out he made the quickest exit he could...clotheslining himself on barbed wire!
This story came up at his wedding when ending the speech, the best man pulled out an action man on a parachute and threw it up in to the air - to howls of laughter from the back of the room. the rest of the evening was spent trying to avoid explaining the story to his mum & dad
.....
Saying that, this is the same guy who pulled over to have a tug in a field (again), only for his Dad to drive past and also pull over to see if he was in trouble...and stumbled across his son in a crouched position...you get the rest.
Not a porn story, more a sex-gone-wrong story. I hope I don't over-step the mark.....
I was freshly single and on a night out with the boys when I met a girl I'd known at college. We all called her 'Boobs', given that she was substantially boobed.
Long story short, we were back at her house, in her bed. Fully sambuca'd up, we embarked upon The Sex, me on top. A few minutes later, we swapped. Now her on top.
Her bed was situated right next to the window and, with the sambuca swilling around in her stomach, she made a couple of weird noises. Next thing I knew she leaned over to the window (still 'connected'), swung it open and vommed her complete evening's consumption out of said window.
Wiping her mouth, she tried carrying on.........I'd already rang a taxi
I was freshly single and on a night out with the boys when I met a girl I'd known at college. We all called her 'Boobs', given that she was substantially boobed.
Long story short, we were back at her house, in her bed. Fully sambuca'd up, we embarked upon The Sex, me on top. A few minutes later, we swapped. Now her on top.
Her bed was situated right next to the window and, with the sambuca swilling around in her stomach, she made a couple of weird noises. Next thing I knew she leaned over to the window (still 'connected'), swung it open and vommed her complete evening's consumption out of said window.
Wiping her mouth, she tried carrying on.........I'd already rang a taxi
Faz_ITR said:
Not a porn story, more a sex-gone-wrong story. I hope I don't over-step the mark.....
I was freshly single and on a night out with the boys when I met a girl I'd known at college. We all called her 'Boobs', given that she was substantially boobed.
Long story short, we were back at her house, in her bed. Fully sambuca'd up, we embarked upon The Sex, me on top. A few minutes later, we swapped. Now her on top.
Her bed was situated right next to the window and, with the sambuca swilling around in her stomach, she made a couple of weird noises. Next thing I knew she leaned over to the window (still 'connected'), swung it open and vommed her complete evening's consumption out of said window.
Wiping her mouth, she tried carrying on.........I'd already rang a taxi
I was freshly single and on a night out with the boys when I met a girl I'd known at college. We all called her 'Boobs', given that she was substantially boobed.
Long story short, we were back at her house, in her bed. Fully sambuca'd up, we embarked upon The Sex, me on top. A few minutes later, we swapped. Now her on top.
Her bed was situated right next to the window and, with the sambuca swilling around in her stomach, she made a couple of weird noises. Next thing I knew she leaned over to the window (still 'connected'), swung it open and vommed her complete evening's consumption out of said window.
Wiping her mouth, she tried carrying on.........I'd already rang a taxi
I was drunkenly chatting about youthful self discovery with my mate once and I'll always remember the story he told me!
He and a group of his mates from school had sourced a porno vid from one of the older brothers. All eager to see this the group hatched a plan whereby they would take the vid back to one of the lads houses at lunch time to watch. Both parents would be out at work so no problem there.
Sure enough, they all turned up at the house and settled down to watch. There were about 8 of them I believe, all at that transitional point between boy and err... ejaculating boy. One of the lads, well known for his confidence and who had evidently been `warming himself up` suddenly starts shouting "I'm going to cum, i'm going to cum" and runs towards the TV with his chap out.
Unfortunately for him, in his naiveity he had mistaken the pressure of a full bladder for vinegar strokes and rather than demonstrating his transformation to manhood, instead urinated all over the TV rendering it immediately kaput!
Poor lad. A whole life of piss taking mapped out for him from the age of 12.
He and a group of his mates from school had sourced a porno vid from one of the older brothers. All eager to see this the group hatched a plan whereby they would take the vid back to one of the lads houses at lunch time to watch. Both parents would be out at work so no problem there.
Sure enough, they all turned up at the house and settled down to watch. There were about 8 of them I believe, all at that transitional point between boy and err... ejaculating boy. One of the lads, well known for his confidence and who had evidently been `warming himself up` suddenly starts shouting "I'm going to cum, i'm going to cum" and runs towards the TV with his chap out.
Unfortunately for him, in his naiveity he had mistaken the pressure of a full bladder for vinegar strokes and rather than demonstrating his transformation to manhood, instead urinated all over the TV rendering it immediately kaput!
Poor lad. A whole life of piss taking mapped out for him from the age of 12.
Many many moons ago I worked for a bus company, its amazing how much porn gets left on the things, we had a huge stash that had been recovered from the vehicles that we kept in a drawer in our office.
One of our drivers was a Jehovahs witness, and not a passive one either, we were all heartily sick of his constant preaching, felt sorry for his family too as his wife and two young kids never got birthdays or christmas.
He used to do school baths runs mostly, so was usually knocking around in the yard during the day doing odd jobs for us or cleaning the buses. However we began to notice that he would disappear on foot for an hour or so at dinner time each day with a briefcase. We asked him where he was going and he proudly informed us he was door to dooring in the surrounding area "spreading the word" apparently the briefcase was full of "watchtower" magazine, or some similar god bothering publication for distribution among the heathen masses.
After one particularly long and irritating lecture from him one of my esteemed colleagues vowed he was going to get him back. The next day I'm sat having a brew and our Joey driver comes in asking if anyone had seen a briefcase as he thought he'd put it on his vehicle but couldn't find it. Quite nonchalantly my colleague hands it to him from under our desk saying he had found it in the yard. Joey boy thanked him and pottered off out of the yard.
A short time later what I can only describe as "the single angriest human being I have ever seen" erupted into our office screaming expletives that no self respecting Jehovahs witness should even know exist and threw a sizeable pile of particularly hardcore reading material across the room at us all before heading for our managers office like some whirling dervish.
Now this briefcase was one of those combination lock thingies, and it turns out my colleague had managed to remove it from Joeys vehicle without him noticing and spent the better half of the morning going through every combination from 000 000 to whatever it was when it opened and had replaced all the watchtowers with afore mentioned filth before locking the briefcase again.
We never saw Joey boy again, the first he knew about the "new" contents of his briefcase was when some old dear decided to give him the time of day and he popped it open on her coffee table, only for them both to be faced with a picture of some great hairy growler with a sizeable candle protruding from it.
He resigned when our manager, to whom he had complained, fell about laughing and refused to deal with us as he shouldn't have been out bothering the local residents on company time.
One of our drivers was a Jehovahs witness, and not a passive one either, we were all heartily sick of his constant preaching, felt sorry for his family too as his wife and two young kids never got birthdays or christmas.
He used to do school baths runs mostly, so was usually knocking around in the yard during the day doing odd jobs for us or cleaning the buses. However we began to notice that he would disappear on foot for an hour or so at dinner time each day with a briefcase. We asked him where he was going and he proudly informed us he was door to dooring in the surrounding area "spreading the word" apparently the briefcase was full of "watchtower" magazine, or some similar god bothering publication for distribution among the heathen masses.
After one particularly long and irritating lecture from him one of my esteemed colleagues vowed he was going to get him back. The next day I'm sat having a brew and our Joey driver comes in asking if anyone had seen a briefcase as he thought he'd put it on his vehicle but couldn't find it. Quite nonchalantly my colleague hands it to him from under our desk saying he had found it in the yard. Joey boy thanked him and pottered off out of the yard.
A short time later what I can only describe as "the single angriest human being I have ever seen" erupted into our office screaming expletives that no self respecting Jehovahs witness should even know exist and threw a sizeable pile of particularly hardcore reading material across the room at us all before heading for our managers office like some whirling dervish.
Now this briefcase was one of those combination lock thingies, and it turns out my colleague had managed to remove it from Joeys vehicle without him noticing and spent the better half of the morning going through every combination from 000 000 to whatever it was when it opened and had replaced all the watchtowers with afore mentioned filth before locking the briefcase again.
We never saw Joey boy again, the first he knew about the "new" contents of his briefcase was when some old dear decided to give him the time of day and he popped it open on her coffee table, only for them both to be faced with a picture of some great hairy growler with a sizeable candle protruding from it.
He resigned when our manager, to whom he had complained, fell about laughing and refused to deal with us as he shouldn't have been out bothering the local residents on company time.
many many many years back i'd enjoyed a late night sesh with the gf at her parents place. The parents had gone to bed so we decided to head out into the conservatory for some nookie.
No lights on in the house or conservatory, and no lights in the garden either, it was proper dark. There were some houses the other side of the garden, but the darkness, tall fences and trees and the fact we were low down meant we would neeeeeeeeever be seen, plus it was really late, no lights on in any houses suggested that people were all in bed.
some years later i'd split with her but had some reason to be walking up her street, i glanced over to the house and had a quick smile thinking of that night in the conservatory.
The house was on a hill and i carried on walking up, a few doors after that house were a bunch of kids, all girls, probably between 12 to 14 just playing and chatting as kids do. I carry on walking and get most the way up the hill, I hear some words slightly louder than the rest ...'in the conseeervatory' ....
my mind races..... 'no...... can't be...... no one saw...... and how would THEY know..... it was pitch black!...... i'm being paranoid, it must be something else.... yes yes, something else...'
then in a louder voice the sentence was repeated, the words louder and clearer 'having sex, in the conseeeervatory!'
my mind froze, it seemed like time had stopped, for a moment i felt as if i had frozen like a statue, a statue with an expression of guilt... thankfully i'd kept walking and remembered in time that
a) who ever had seen us mustve sneaking around the gardens to have seen
b) i was an utter sex god that night, any stories told about me mustve been complimentory
No lights on in the house or conservatory, and no lights in the garden either, it was proper dark. There were some houses the other side of the garden, but the darkness, tall fences and trees and the fact we were low down meant we would neeeeeeeeever be seen, plus it was really late, no lights on in any houses suggested that people were all in bed.
some years later i'd split with her but had some reason to be walking up her street, i glanced over to the house and had a quick smile thinking of that night in the conservatory.
The house was on a hill and i carried on walking up, a few doors after that house were a bunch of kids, all girls, probably between 12 to 14 just playing and chatting as kids do. I carry on walking and get most the way up the hill, I hear some words slightly louder than the rest ...'in the conseeervatory' ....
my mind races..... 'no...... can't be...... no one saw...... and how would THEY know..... it was pitch black!...... i'm being paranoid, it must be something else.... yes yes, something else...'
then in a louder voice the sentence was repeated, the words louder and clearer 'having sex, in the conseeeervatory!'
my mind froze, it seemed like time had stopped, for a moment i felt as if i had frozen like a statue, a statue with an expression of guilt... thankfully i'd kept walking and remembered in time that
a) who ever had seen us mustve sneaking around the gardens to have seen
b) i was an utter sex god that night, any stories told about me mustve been complimentory
One from me, had a few friends who were at Coventry uni, so as one of their housemates was away on "holiday" and i was up for a weekend of drinking we decided to break into his room so that i could kip somewhere out of the way. I put my sleeping bag down on the floor that night (i was not using his bed, i'd met his hippocrocamoose girlfriend and wasn't that brave), whilst lying on the floor i can see the slats under his bed are stuffed with porn so being male i decided to have a gander at them.
he was heavily into porn featuring "big" (f
king huge) girls, really old birds, or really big really old birds. I couldn't keep a discovery like this to myself and woke the entire house up to let them know. The next morning i woke up with a stinking hangover, and the feeling that i was going to regret some drunken actions at sometime soon.
We'd covered his whole room in pages of these proper hanging birds. i'd rolled up my sleeping bag, went downstairs and promptly forgot about it, until i got the message from the lads that he had come back with his parents explaing that the "holiday" was so he could talk to his parents, he then had them explain to the other housemates that he was feeling bullied by them and was packing his stuff and leaving uni, cue the family going upstairs and wandering into his redecorated room.
Also my old housemate woke the entire house up by screaming and running through the house naked to get to the bathroom, turns out he was having a shuffle lying on his back in bed, and when he came he had shot a massive strand straight up his nostils, then the next one had landed in his mouth.
Same house mate also got snowballed by his girlfriend after calling her up while drunk for a booty call, getting her to drive the 18 miles to his house on the promise of the best sex ever and then pump pump squirting inside of 2mins. She waited for him to fall asleep and the moment he did she straddled his face and pushed!
he was heavily into porn featuring "big" (f
king huge) girls, really old birds, or really big really old birds. I couldn't keep a discovery like this to myself and woke the entire house up to let them know. The next morning i woke up with a stinking hangover, and the feeling that i was going to regret some drunken actions at sometime soon. We'd covered his whole room in pages of these proper hanging birds. i'd rolled up my sleeping bag, went downstairs and promptly forgot about it, until i got the message from the lads that he had come back with his parents explaing that the "holiday" was so he could talk to his parents, he then had them explain to the other housemates that he was feeling bullied by them and was packing his stuff and leaving uni, cue the family going upstairs and wandering into his redecorated room.
Also my old housemate woke the entire house up by screaming and running through the house naked to get to the bathroom, turns out he was having a shuffle lying on his back in bed, and when he came he had shot a massive strand straight up his nostils, then the next one had landed in his mouth.
Same house mate also got snowballed by his girlfriend after calling her up while drunk for a booty call, getting her to drive the 18 miles to his house on the promise of the best sex ever and then pump pump squirting inside of 2mins. She waited for him to fall asleep and the moment he did she straddled his face and pushed!
Once there was a group of us out together from work, eventually we found ourselves in one of the less select clubs in town a little worse for wear. We found a suitable corner with sufficient seating for us all and set up camp for the remainder of the night.
One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
alliray said:
Once there was a group of us out together from work, eventually we found ourselves in one of the less select clubs in town a little worse for wear. We found a suitable corner with sufficient seating for us all and set up camp for the remainder of the night.
One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
Classic One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
I remember once my Gran had gone to the shops (I lived with her) and I decided to take advantage of the empty house to have a Posh wk before I headed off into town. All done, I placed the condom on the bin bag that I'd promised to take out, thinking I would dispose of both at the same time. I then busied myself getting ready to go out. I realised I had forgotten to take the bin out after I'd been on the bus into town for about a mile! Que me, jumping off at the next stop and sprinting home, hoping to make it back before my Gran returned... I met her on her way in just as I'd disposed of the evidence!
Pretty sure that's the closest call I've ever had!
k before I headed off into town. All done, I placed the condom on the bin bag that I'd promised to take out, thinking I would dispose of both at the same time. I then busied myself getting ready to go out. I realised I had forgotten to take the bin out after I'd been on the bus into town for about a mile! Que me, jumping off at the next stop and sprinting home, hoping to make it back before my Gran returned... I met her on her way in just as I'd disposed of the evidence!Pretty sure that's the closest call I've ever had!
croyde said:
alliray said:
Once there was a group of us out together from work, eventually we found ourselves in one of the less select clubs in town a little worse for wear. We found a suitable corner with sufficient seating for us all and set up camp for the remainder of the night.
One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
Classic One of the lads had managed to get himself a hanger on a few pubs previously, an absolute horror bag easily twenty years his senior who had followed us. At first he had been pretty derogetory towards her but she was evidently pretty thick skinned and up for a laugh and stuck around. The inevitable happened and he eventually ended up wearing a fairly effective pair of beer goggles. I had to do a double take when I realized that my very drunk mate and Bett Gilroys uglier older sister were trying to eat each other just a few feet to my left.
The rest of us left him to it knowing it would keep us in piss taking ammunition for weeks to come, especially when she climbed across him and straddled him, however, even in our drunken state we all got a bit concerned when we realized just how far things were going in our little darkened corner. Unfortunately one of the bouncers also noticed at about the same time. In what was probably a couple of seconds there was a flurry of activity, a blur of burly doorman and leopard print boob tube and a table of empty glasses scattered everywhere as the old skank was physically removed from my mate by the bouncer at "PRECISELY" the wrong moment.
All eyes turned to my mate, who's spam dagger was now twitching away happily in the open for all to see, then to the bouncers trousers and shoes that had received a special little gift in the melee and were now covered in copious amounts of my mates DNA!
Somehow nobody got murdered. We still see the old slag out and about, eye contact is always avoided between the two lovebirds!
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