Stupid things non-bikers say

[Hooli]

spoodler said:

When I lived in Swindon my garage backed onto a main pedestrian thoroughfare so I had loads of folk stop to chat, normally very pleasant but I did lose count of the guys who's mate had a "no, not the normal model, the fast one" - usually Rocket Gold Stars and Vincent Black Lightnings but the following was quite a good example of the more knobber type of conversation...

Knob in alley... "We rented one just like it when we went to the States see, cos I ain't got a license over 'ere see, me and the missus was doing a hundred and thirty 'cross the desert, f'kin ace it was no 'elmets or nuffin. What'll that one do?"
Me, referring to my tweaked 883 Sporty... "About a ton."
Him... "Nah, really?"
Me... "Yep, really. They're not very fast as standard."
Him... "The one we 'ad musta bin tuned or had a big engine or summat then..."
Me... "Yeah, they normally do that to hire bikes."

Tweak it better than, Mrs Hooli's 883 shows 120+ uphill & I backed off to hold a steady speed. It was st stock, it did 110 with my chin on the tank & a 500mile run up

sc0tt said:

Charlie Foxtrot said:

Ha! I've done 2. I am twice as good at wheelies as you..

I am awesome at hovering the front wheel about 2 inches off the ground so there!

I can do that...

with a trolley jack under the downpipes

[catso]

For anyone with a dry-clutch Ducati; 'Is it supposed to sound like that?'/'is it broken?/'Think you're running out of oil', to which I tell them; It's OK, it's a Diesel.

And I've lost count of the times a car has pulled up beside me in traffic (on the 916) to say 'One of your headlights is out mate'...

[peteO]

Charlie Foxtrot said:

peteO said:

y2blade said:

peteO said:

"go on, give us a wheelie"

im not a fking performing monkey pal....

(plus i dont know how to!)

I love this^^^ and always happy to oblige, esp if they are in uniform

ive only ever done 1... and it was by accident.... and a lil bit of poo came out

Ha! I've done 2. I am twice as good at wheelies as you..

damn it!.. i'll have to start practising!

[MotorsportTom]

srob said:

People asking whether the sidecar will fall off the bike.

It's been safely attached since 1928, so I reckon if it was gonna fall off it'd have done it by now

The next time this happens reply with a dead serious face "That yeah it does but it's ok only does it about once a week"

And then post up their reaction

[Charlie Foxtrot]

catso said:

And I've lost count of the times a car has pulled up beside me in traffic (on the 916) to say 'One of your headlights is out mate'...

Flick on full beam: "No, works fine mate."

[Rawwr]

"Statistically, two out of ten bikers will have a horrible accident."

"Statistically, nine out of ten people who talk to me about bikes are tts."

[V8 FOU]

Petrolhead95 said:

My sister still refuses to go on the back of the Triumph because she will "lose her legs because they're dangerous".

Because all of us bikers have no arms or legs.

Wouldn't want her on the back of my bikes(s), not with "dangerous legs"....

I get "when are you going to stop riding bikes?" just because a I had a near fatal 5 years ago on a trike!! My reply is "and how would I road test/mot customers' bikes?"

[mu0n]

Still keep hearing, "would love to have one (sports bike) but I would kill myself on one".

Which basically means, "sports bikes are cool as fk but I'm too much of a pussy to get on one".

Tbh before I did my CBT and direct access I was stting myself over the prospect of having one. Before my CBT or even ever getting on a 'proper bike' I'd admire the 600's and 1000 sports bikes and think, "fk controlling one of these".

So I can see where they are coming from, but why not just be honest and say you're scared? :S

[LiamB]

mu0n said:

Tbh before I did my CBT and direct access I was stting myself over the prospect of having one. Before my CBT or even ever getting on a 'proper bike' I'd admire the 600's and 1000 sports bikes and think, "fk controlling one of these".

I have the same thoughts

Why do you think I like supermotos so much?

The thought of controlling a Superbike in that seating position is strange. Warp speed, head first (well, hands but fk it).. You are essentially superman if you have an invisible bike.

[mu0n]

LiamB said:

I have the same thoughts

Why do you think I like supermotos so much?

The thought of controlling a Superbike in that seating position is strange. Warp speed, head first (well, hands but fk it).. You are essentially superman if you have an invisible bike.

you do get use to it pretty quickly. Motorways on the other hand... I hate them. The side winds can catch you off guard, it's boring, you have way too much time to think about blowouts, chains snapping, pot holes etc. I'm sure if you use the motorway every day it won't take long to get use to it and I'll jump on the motorway for a few hundred miles right now if I had to, but I generally stay below 80/90 and am very aware of vehicles around me. I think I just need to be more sure/positive about my inputs on the motorway... like over-taking the middle lane which is doing 80mph odd and accelerating into the outside lane in front of a car behind and picking up the speed briskly.... not too bad you may think but you put in cross winds, the fact you are already travelling quite quickly, plenty of cars about, a central reservation a couple of feet to your right and it's quite easy to be intimidated or bottle it and back off.

What is interesting is town/bypass/back road riding after a prolonged motorway journey... you lose all sense of speed! Pretty dangerous.

[MartynVRS]

I only passed two months ago so in many ways I'm still a noob when it comes to bikes. Lots to learn but wanted a new challenge and loving it so far. First time I had to take a bend at 70mph on an ER-6N was daunting. Now I'm fine and enjoying every mile. After I'd passed and bought an SV650 I'd had people asking how fast/how fast you had out of it I'd get the usual organ donors line or "isn't it scary going fast on a bike?" Now I'm used to the speed I'd say no. Feels perfectly normal. OK an SV isn't the fastest thing in the world but still beats the Barries in Corsas at the lights and really enjoyable to ride.

Had people saying to sell it as I'd die. I know more people who've been killed in car accidents and some good mates too as passengers. The risk is always there but the majority of bikers know this. Many car drivers take safety for granted. I was an alert driver before but now I feel a lot sharper and forward planning is even better. So getting a bike has improved my driving too.

It's also cheap to run even when riding fairly spiritedly. Comparable pace to the car and I'm using a half the fuel. I'll be commuting on it soon I'll save a fortune and get home quicker.

So lots of benefits to bikes. If they don't realise it then good. I don't trust half of the people who say this crap to drive a car let alone a bike.

Edited by MartynVRS on Friday 17th May 16:41

[mu0n]

st, fuel lights on.

£18.76 to fill up.

Although I'm far from being old, I remember when a tenner would give you over half a tank of fuel in a car!

[Slink]

next time i get someone tell me that i am going to die cos i ride a motorbike, im just going to say "ah its ok, I've only died once riding so far, an it wasn't that bad"

[LiamB]

mu0n said:

you do get use to it pretty quickly. Motorways on the other hand... I hate them. The side winds can catch you off guard, it's boring, you have way too much time to think about blowouts, chains snapping, pot holes etc. I'm sure if you use the motorway every day it won't take long to get use to it and I'll jump on the motorway for a few hundred miles right now if I had to, but I generally stay below 80/90 and am very aware of vehicles around me. I think I just need to be more sure/positive about my inputs on the motorway... like over-taking the middle lane which is doing 80mph odd and accelerating into the outside lane in front of a car behind and picking up the speed briskly.... not too bad you may think but you put in cross winds, the fact you are already travelling quite quickly, plenty of cars about, a central reservation a couple of feet to your right and it's quite easy to be intimidated or bottle it and back off.

What is interesting is town/bypass/back road riding after a prolonged motorway journey... you lose all sense of speed! Pretty dangerous.

I went on the A40 once... never again.

[Petrolhead95]

LiamB said:

I went on the A40 once... never again.

Try being on a moped that can only do 30 MPH while on a 6 lane road. Now that's scary!

[mu0n]

LiamB said:

I went on the A40 once... never again.

My work commute I take by car is over 60 miles of motorway including the M25 and it's not the nicest journey. However, I do get to use the Dartford tunnel which is great on a sportsbike with a barely silenced exhaust. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Mario149]

mu0n said:

My work commute I take by car is over 60 miles of motorway including the M25 and it's not the nicest journey. However, I do get to use the Dartford tunnel which is great on a sportsbike with a barely silenced exhaust. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My work commute that I do about once a week includes about 40 miles of motorway (M4, M25, M40) and I do have to say that I feel uncomfortable on them, especially when they're busy which is always at the times I'm riding. It's exacerbated by the fact that just under a year ago I hit a mahussive chunk of metal (cylindrical, sharp edge, weighed about 3lbs) doing 75mph on the M40 after it was pinged into my lane by a car to my left that clipped it. It sliced straight through the tyre and punched a hole through the rim itself underneath. I managed to somehow stay on, brake and move 1 lane over to the hard shoulder with essentially no profile on the front tyre to steer with.

That said, it's probably the same for bikes as cars in that motorways are probably the safest place to travel mile for mile, but it doesn't feel like it for me!

Edited by Mario149 on Friday 17th May 17:25

[drew.h]

In reply to time to get the bike out, wife says:
"Is your life insurance up to date?"

And

What bike do you have?
Blackbird
Is it fast?
No its limited to 180MPH

[LordFlathead]

Meanwhile at a burger van somewhere densely populated by blithering boy racer idiots, "ZZR1400? They do 200mph mate"

Nope they are restricted to 186.

"Don't see the point myself as you can only do 70mph in this country. I prefer cars"

(WTF?) Is that what you do in your BMW M3?

[phatgixer]

Man in VW transporter van with alloy wheels at lay-by tea stop. - Yeah, sniff, my mate has got a Hyabusa that does 220mph. Is an early one which woz much quicker.

Me- yeah, they're great bikes. (Voice inside head - FUGGGOFFFF! you dozy cretin before you start telling how bleedin fast your stupid van is)