Match.com (Volume 5)
Discussion
. I'm going to meet up with the nice one tonight 
Gwagon111 said:
Last night, against my better judgement, I went to another 'Match meeting' at a place local to me. They did this thing involving a card, with a photo of something on it ( a sleeping bag in my case 
). If you found a girl with a matching card, you each got a free glass of champagne. I found a really nice girl with a matching card, within about 2 minutes. She was fit, not that mental, and, to be honest, we both found we had a lot in common 
. We were getting along just fine, when the 'needy' pig dog of a friend of hers, started kicking off at me, about how "it's not fair" that I talked to her (nice, non mental friend) and not her. I just kind of made that 'apologetic smile' type thing, and shrugged my shoulders. Apparently this was "taking the f
kING PISS" out of her. Then the nice one apologised to me, gave me her number, and dragged the mental one away, kicking and screaming. FFS, what a fking jip.
You sound like you're complaining and yet your post reads like a result ). If you found a girl with a matching card, you each got a free glass of champagne. I found a really nice girl with a matching card, within about 2 minutes. She was fit, not that mental, and, to be honest, we both found we had a lot in common . We were getting along just fine, when the 'needy' pig dog of a friend of hers, started kicking off at me, about how "it's not fair" that I talked to her (nice, non mental friend) and not her. I just kind of made that 'apologetic smile' type thing, and shrugged my shoulders. Apparently this was "taking the fkING PISS" out of her. Then the nice one apologised to me, gave me her number, and dragged the mental one away, kicking and screaming. FFS, what a fking jip.
Bit of advice needed, I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation.
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Ki3r said:
Bit of advice needed, I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation.
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Depends on how much you value the friendship. I had a good friendship with someone and we went out. The story becomes more complicated in the middle but in the end it didn't work out. Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
We're no longer friends and I have absolutely no contact with them. Since going out I don't know why I ever considered them to be a friend as I really saw all their bad points. I do sometimes wonder if we'd still be friends if we hadn't gone out.
Gusanita said:
Depends on how much you value the friendship. I had a good friendship with someone and we went out. The story becomes more complicated in the middle but in the end it didn't work out.
We're no longer friends and I have absolutely no contact with them. Since going out I don't know why I ever considered them to be a friend as I really saw all their bad points. I do sometimes wonder if we'd still be friends if we hadn't gone out.
Thats what I'm worried of, it sounds cheesy, but I would rather be friends with her than nothing in a year or two if nothing works out (plus I don't know if she feels the same). We're no longer friends and I have absolutely no contact with them. Since going out I don't know why I ever considered them to be a friend as I really saw all their bad points. I do sometimes wonder if we'd still be friends if we hadn't gone out.
Ki3r said:
Bit of advice needed, I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation.
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
The problem I find with friends is that the dating phase becomes slightly odd because you already know most things about each other.Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Ki3r said:
Bit of advice needed, I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation.
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Be prepared to lose her as a friend. I went out with someone who was a very good friend. In fairness I fancied her all along so I was just playing the long game. We broke up, stayed friends for a while until she started seeing someone else. We were living far apart by this point so contact just dropped, still speak to her occasionally but it's been a couple of years since I saw her.Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Gwagon111 said:
If you're in 'the friend zone' you ain't getting out.
I completely disagree. I've had male friends that I would have happily taken out of the 'friend zone'. My dad always told me that men and women can't be friends (close friends that is) as there are always other intentions at play. If you are friends with someone and value their friendship more then a potential relationship then don't go there. Equally, unless she has given you signs that she is interested then don't go there as chances are she will become distanced from you to avoid hurting your feelings. If in doubt get drunk together and see how she behaves (just don't get drunk yourself).
(BTW - my advice may not be sound, so you must use it at your own risk!)
Gwagon111 said:
If you're in 'the friend zone' you ain't getting out.
I've never really told her about it (apart from when I've been pissed, but don't think that counts!). I don't want to think back in 50 years time after w
king myself to sleep that I should have done something, but then I don't want to be in the same place in 50 years time without a friend (fk that sounds stupid!). Gusanita said:
I completely disagree. I've had male friends that I would have happily taken out of the 'friend zone'. My dad always told me that men and women can't be friends (close friends that is) as there are always other intentions at play.
If you are friends with someone and value their friendship more then a potential relationship then don't go there. Equally, unless she has given you signs that she is interested then don't go there as chances are she will become distanced from you to avoid hurting your feelings. If in doubt get drunk together and see how she behaves (just don't get drunk yourself).
(BTW - my advice may not be sound, so you must use it at your own risk!)
I like it, give her enough drink to make her standards low...good plan! If you are friends with someone and value their friendship more then a potential relationship then don't go there. Equally, unless she has given you signs that she is interested then don't go there as chances are she will become distanced from you to avoid hurting your feelings. If in doubt get drunk together and see how she behaves (just don't get drunk yourself).
(BTW - my advice may not be sound, so you must use it at your own risk!)
kVA said:
I do think it has changed in the last 2 years, though...
I met my last girlfriend on Match (and POF, as it happens), we exchanged 2 messages and then spent almost a whole DAY on the phone, before meeting the next evening... We had an absolutely awesome relationship for about a year - both deleted all our POF and Match accounts (or so we thought, but that's another story) and I can honestly say I never even looked at another woman in that way, the whole time we were together...
Sadly, we have both gone through such extreme personal upset and trauma, since we met, that it has caused numerous separations, much regretted verbal abuse between us and, as we're both pretty stubborn people, it's almost certainly irreversible... However, if it were not for circumstances that have nothing to do with Internet dating, we would be together now - and quite probably for the rest of our lives.
So, somewhat reluctantly, I rejoined POF and Match and for the first time, OKC... I have hardly changed my profile (in fact it was all still there on Match and POF, without me knowing - so that's how they boast so many members). I don't send many messages, but when I do, they are only to people I have a really good feeling about and they are carefully thought through to show that I've read the profile, etc... In 2010, almost every message I sent got a polite reply... Now, NONE do!!! I sent 30 consecutive messages (over a period of about 2 months) to people on Match and I didn't get one single reply, yet every one (bar 2, I think) clearly read my message and viewed my profile! I'm sorry, but that is just fking rude, and I don't care how many dodgy emails they get, if they've looked at my profile, they will see quite clearly that I am open and genuine.
My point is, that the number of people on there that are now 'window shopping' has multiplied massively, and the very very few genuine ones have become so suspicious and cynical that they're almost setting themselves up to fail, before they even start (self included)....
However, never mind my sample of one, how about this for an admission that Internet dating is broken...
A much better method to implement would be to give everyone only 20 messages to send in a month.I met my last girlfriend on Match (and POF, as it happens), we exchanged 2 messages and then spent almost a whole DAY on the phone, before meeting the next evening... We had an absolutely awesome relationship for about a year - both deleted all our POF and Match accounts (or so we thought, but that's another story) and I can honestly say I never even looked at another woman in that way, the whole time we were together...
Sadly, we have both gone through such extreme personal upset and trauma, since we met, that it has caused numerous separations, much regretted verbal abuse between us and, as we're both pretty stubborn people, it's almost certainly irreversible... However, if it were not for circumstances that have nothing to do with Internet dating, we would be together now - and quite probably for the rest of our lives.
So, somewhat reluctantly, I rejoined POF and Match and for the first time, OKC... I have hardly changed my profile (in fact it was all still there on Match and POF, without me knowing - so that's how they boast so many members). I don't send many messages, but when I do, they are only to people I have a really good feeling about and they are carefully thought through to show that I've read the profile, etc... In 2010, almost every message I sent got a polite reply... Now, NONE do!!! I sent 30 consecutive messages (over a period of about 2 months) to people on Match and I didn't get one single reply, yet every one (bar 2, I think) clearly read my message and viewed my profile! I'm sorry, but that is just f
king rude, and I don't care how many dodgy emails they get, if they've looked at my profile, they will see quite clearly that I am open and genuine.My point is, that the number of people on there that are now 'window shopping' has multiplied massively, and the very very few genuine ones have become so suspicious and cynical that they're almost setting themselves up to fail, before they even start (self included)....
However, never mind my sample of one, how about this for an admission that Internet dating is broken...
Markus - Founder of POF said:
My name is Markus and I created POF/Plentyoffish. When I created POF, I wanted it to be all about finding relationships with the right person. For the first 7 years this worked really well, I got the site to 10 million users without any employees people and POF was generating a ton of relationships. Around 3 years ago, everyone started using the website via mobile phones. Today about 70% of POF use is via a mobile phone and unfortunately about 2% of men started to use POF as more of a hookup site mostly due the the casual nature of cell phone use.
In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site.
1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it's made the site so much better.
2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.
3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.
In short the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying "let's have sex tonight". I can't change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!
Markus
Somehow think he might have underestimated the numbers abusing the site (and of course cannot possibly account for window shoppers), but fair play to him for a) accepting that something isn't right, and b) having the balls to potentially lose custom to fix it In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site.
1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it's made the site so much better.
2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.
3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.
In short the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying "let's have sex tonight". I can't change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!
Markus
This would reduce the spamherclam.com brigade. You only have 20messages, so use them wisely. Men would think carefully as to who they are matched to and the wimmens won't be inundated with loads of carp messages!
Likewise, if the women did not use 20messages they would lose their membership. This would encourage a bit of pro-activeness, which would reduce the number of bleeding window shoppers on the site. I.e. the many who use it more as an ego validation tool than to actually meet up.
Ki3r said:
I've never really told her about it (apart from when I've been pissed, but don't think that counts!).
I don't want to think back in 50 years time after wking myself to sleep that I should have done something, but then I don't want to be in the same place in 50 years time without a friend (fk that sounds stupid!).
Get her and yourself drunk and try and fI don't want to think back in 50 years time after w
king myself to sleep that I should have done something, but then I don't want to be in the same place in 50 years time without a friend (fk that sounds stupid!). k her. If it doesn't come off then blame the booze, if it does come off then you're in.Ki3r said:
Bit of advice needed, I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation.
Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Yeah there are risks but if it all goes tits up if you really want her back as a friend you can put in the effort to make it work. Relationships that started of as friendships, does it work often? I don't want to say too much on here just yet, but a few years ago I had a thing for someone at college, we've become good friends since.
I'm sure you can see where this is going, but do I risk ruining the friendship (I don't think it would too much, but you never know), or go for it and see what happens?
Very vague I know, sorry!
Me and my OH were good mates, were together for three months, realised it wasn't working and broke up, but we were much better friends for it as the circumstances simply weren't right. Got back together 3/4 months later and have been together 5 years! If you pull it off, its worth it far beyond any risk, and taking the risk (twice) was the best decision i ever made, she's not just my partner she's my best mate. (Bleugh, etc)
DaveJns said:
Yeah there are risks but if it all goes tits up if you really want her back as a friend you can put in the effort to make it work.
Not necessarily... it depends on why it all goes wrong and whether both people are happy to split up. If one person still wants to get back together it is going to be very hard to be friends. You could end up in that weird in between stage where you end up sleeping together and both people get confused. If one of you really messes up then you really won't like each other at all! Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff