Wedding politics advice needed.
Discussion
raf_gti said:
I shall certainly be trying to meet him, unfortunately my Mum lives almost 400 miles away, he works away so arranging to meet is problematic at best!
All along I was delighted for my Mum to
bring him, no issue with that at all but that was before I'd considered top tables, walking down the aisle afterwards, register signing and 'awkward questions from relatives'.
Very quickly an almost non-issue becomes something far greater
My gut instinct is to look after my Mum as any hurtful choice is likely to hurt and
affect her a lot more than my OH.
I think you are being utterly ridiculous. Speaking to your mother about it will only maker her self conscious and create a 'situation'. All along I was delighted for my Mum to
bring him, no issue with that at all but that was before I'd considered top tables, walking down the aisle afterwards, register signing and 'awkward questions from relatives'.
Very quickly an almost non-issue becomes something far greater
My gut instinct is to look after my Mum as any hurtful choice is likely to hurt and
affect her a lot more than my OH.
The short version is that you would rather upset your mother and risk damaging your relationship with her in order to adhere to some out dated tradition of a religion you don't actively follow? Are you nuts!?
Your oh is getting her religious wedding - so she can soak up the fact your mum isn't married to the bloke.
Sounds like a serious case of the Bridezillas imho. Since when did tradition and protocol become more important than family? It's your wedding day as well as your OH's and you need to look after your mum. Just advise your OH that hell hath no fury like a mother in law scorned and insist that it is for the best that your mum's partner attend.
I dunno, I can just relay my own experiences.
We had round tables at ours, and they weren't that large so we couldn't fit everyone on the top table.
It was supposed to be:
Bride and Groom
Best Man
Maid of Honour
Parents
Grandparents (my grandad, being the only one)
My wifes dad was recently divorced and the estranged mother wasn't invited. Given that the best man and maid of honour where going to be seperated from their partners (both extremely long term and partners), we put father in law's girlfriend and attached spoilt brat of a sprog on a table of aunts uncles etc, friendly bunch, would provide suitable entertainment.
To put her on the top table would also mean attaching the sprog, over and above partners of our maid of honour/best man who were also very close friends.
When FIL's bit of fluff found this out, she threw a wobbly (night before the wedding) at my wife, which resulted in her being told to "f
k off home" if she didn't like it 
(I loves my missus). Unfortunately FIL caved in and offered to sit with her on the other table.
I didn't think we'd acted unreasonably at all - after all, comprimises have to be made everywhere. My wife thought it would be unfair on other people to stick the silly bint up with us over others, and I still think she was right.
So there's my experience to mull over
We had round tables at ours, and they weren't that large so we couldn't fit everyone on the top table.
It was supposed to be:
Bride and Groom
Best Man
Maid of Honour
Parents
Grandparents (my grandad, being the only one)
My wifes dad was recently divorced and the estranged mother wasn't invited. Given that the best man and maid of honour where going to be seperated from their partners (both extremely long term and partners), we put father in law's girlfriend and attached spoilt brat of a sprog on a table of aunts uncles etc, friendly bunch, would provide suitable entertainment.
To put her on the top table would also mean attaching the sprog, over and above partners of our maid of honour/best man who were also very close friends.
When FIL's bit of fluff found this out, she threw a wobbly (night before the wedding) at my wife, which resulted in her being told to "f
k off home" if she didn't like it (I loves my missus). Unfortunately FIL caved in and offered to sit with her on the other table. I didn't think we'd acted unreasonably at all - after all, comprimises have to be made everywhere. My wife thought it would be unfair on other people to stick the silly bint up with us over others, and I still think she was right.
So there's my experience to mull over
raf_gti said:
The dilemma I'm having is that my OH has brought up the fact that she may feel un-comfortable with him at the top table, both for her & myself having never met him, there are also other issues of him walking down my Mum down the aisle afterwards and several other protocols that have to be observed.
Tell your wife to be, she will have to put up with your mum's partner, whoever it may be.As suggested, go and meet him, and insist that she goes with you. This should nip the "uncomfortable" feeling she has in the bud, unless it isn't the real reason of course............?
If she won't agree to this, suggest you remove her father from the top table to balance things up. That should square things nicely.
...........or on the other hand, perhaps less confrontational, simply explain that you are not going to risk upsetting your only relative over a seating arrangement.
Just re-read the thread.
raf_gti said:
My gut instinct is to look after my Mum as any hurtful choice is likely to hurt and affect her a lot more than my OH.
Nail on the head. Tell your fiancée to deal with it.Edited by philthy on Monday 20th June 17:26
Edited by philthy on Monday 20th June 17:27
at home with broken leg + bored and reading old threads
madazrx7 said:
Interested to know what the outcome was...
Well seeing as how you are so curious..It all went fantastically, had a good chat with Mum beforehand and she had been having similar thoughts, in the end he joined us on the top table and we all got on famously.
Top day all round
TheFungle said:
Well seeing as how you are so curious..
It all went fantastically, had a good chat with Mum beforehand and she had been having similar thoughts, in the end he joined us on the top table and we all got on famously.
Top day all round
fIt all went fantastically, had a good chat with Mum beforehand and she had been having similar thoughts, in the end he joined us on the top table and we all got on famously.
Top day all round
k me! 2 years later and OP delivered 
We got married last year. Both of our parents had divorced and have new partners.
Our parents swallowed it up for the day, my mum and dad walked out behind us in church as did her parents, the partners just sat in church as normal and left with everyone else. They also sat at the top table with us as normal. My dad and MiL on my side. My mum and FiL on her side.
Their partners sat on tables with the other guests as normal. Although we did try to put them with people they knew.
Screw the politics, lesson I learned was that it's your day and if people don't like it it's their problem.
Our parents swallowed it up for the day, my mum and dad walked out behind us in church as did her parents, the partners just sat in church as normal and left with everyone else. They also sat at the top table with us as normal. My dad and MiL on my side. My mum and FiL on her side.
Their partners sat on tables with the other guests as normal. Although we did try to put them with people they knew.
Screw the politics, lesson I learned was that it's your day and if people don't like it it's their problem.
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