Doing the right thing and feeling guilty. about it.

[xRIEx]

andy-xr said:

No, I hear what you're saying, and my point is that it's better to say as the OP "I have a problem with your behaviour and I want to do something about it"

What I think you're saying as the OP is "You have a problem with your behaviour and you need to do something about it"

The outcome in the first is that the drink driver gets reported. The outcome in the second is outside of the control of anyone other than the drink driver.

If you're person I remember from the other thread, you've been through a therapeutic process yourself. In that case I'm surprised that you don't know that the only person who can change their behaviour is that individual. You cannot change someone else, they have to want to do it themselves, they are the only person who can make that change. You can lecture someone, you can medicate someone, but nothing will have a lasting effect unless the person realises they need to change, wants to change and makes that change.

"I have a problem with your behaviour and I want to do something about it" is an absolute hiding to nothing, it is discounting and chastising; it is saying to the addict that there is something wrong with them - chances are they already believe deep down there is something wrong with them and that is why they throw themselves so hard into substance abuse. Challenging someone is going to put that person on the defensive, and they will retreat behind their psychological defences.

You can't call someone a problem, or say they have a problem, and then expect them to feel good about themselves. They need to learn to feel that they are OK, that they have value as a human being and then they can learn to respect themselves.

[andy-xr]

Sure, which is why it's never good to focus on the person, but the behaviour is a good action point.

I dont know if I am the person you're thinking of or not, I have been through a number of therapies and one in particular that stands out, seems to be fitting for this thread: Give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference

[StarmistBlue400]

I grassed a builder up once. He was stinking of booze and buying a load more cans (in a Tesco Express).

Its on a busy estate with kids playing (inc my own and those of friends), buses driving through and a lot of cars so I had no worries about calling the police and giving them his details (as I saw him get into his transit).

I know its slightly different but the consequences are just not worth thinking about.

[Spare tyre]

December 27th 1999 I was In a smash with a drink driver on a rural road. He was only going a short distance. He thought he had killed the occupants of our car so just went home in a panic

Thankfully a friend was following in the car behind so we were not left for dead

Either leave a note oh his car / send one in the post to his house saying you are going to report him or just report. You are not in the wrong

Shame on the landlord for not saying something in his ear

[Mr Pointy]

What on earth was the landlord doing serving this guy knowing that he was driving home every night? He must bear some responsibility as well. Should you not report him to the Police & Licencing Authority?

[V8Ford]

OP - the bigger picture is that you took a drunk driver off the road, and that should be commended. He took the risk.

[43034]

williamp said:

Drunks and work domt mix. Op deffo did the right thing. I would not hesitate in doing the same.

Oh I dunno, in my last job turning up drunk was allowed and having a few pints whilst at work was actively encouraged

[Ki3r]

Muzzer79 said:

You know this guy, so did you confront him with the issue?
Did you give him a chance to stop drink-driving and leave the car at home?

Quarter of a mile seems a very short distance to drive a car. It's the length of 4 football pitches for heaven's sake.

If you just shopped him, then I think you've been too harsh, to say the least.

If it was a friend, I'm not sure I could report him for such a crime in those circumstances.

If he was driving 20 miles home on busy roads then it's a different story of course.

I'm sure you won't be thinking that if he ran a member of your family over as he decided to go for a longer drive while pissed.

Don't feel guilty, you are perhaps saving someone elses life, but also your friends life.

Edit - Helps if I read the whole OP thread before posting! Opps!

[LordJammy]

fk him. Drink driving is illegal for a reason. People end up dying when selfish s like him decide to drive home after getting wasted down the pub.

[gtidriver]

I have a friend that does this,finishes work goes to the pub gets smashed then drives home,I've told him a number of times not to, but he won't listen.he stands to lose everything in his life as he needs his license for work. He's already been nicked before for dd but it doesn't stop him. The stupidest thing is he drinks at the golf course or the pub which is in the next village but won't drink in his local which is about 90seconds stagger from his front door, tt..

[MissChief]

gtidriver said:

I have a friend that does this,finishes work goes to the pub gets smashed then drives home,I've told him a number of times not to, but he won't listen.he stands to lose everything in his life as he needs his license for work. He's already been nicked before for dd but it doesn't stop him. The stupidest thing is he drinks at the golf course or the pub which is in the next village but won't drink in his local which is about 90seconds stagger from his front door, tt..

So how would you feel if he knocked over and killed someone when you could have done something? He may be your friend but you've spoken to him and much like the OP's situation he won't listen, doesn't believe he has a problem and can 'handle' it. He might kill someone tonight or tomorrow or next week when you could have stopped it. He really won't like it but you can't just think of yourself. Report him via Crimestoppers if necessary, but please do. It will be too late when he's killed or seriously injured himself or others.

[v12Legs]

43034 said:

Oh I dunno, in my last job turning up drunk was allowed and having a few pints whilst at work was actively encouraged

I didn't know you used to sit in the House of Lords.

[HertsBiker]

Just wait until the speed Stasi are grassing you up for a 1mph infringement. After all, it's against the law, and everything against the law could kill someone.... Just wait until joe public is able to dob you in for every speed related indiscretion. The fact is, at 20mph, Mr piss head was getting home ok. Imagine you faster drivers suddenly being targeted for 60 in a 50 with the same zealous enforcement? If you are really talking points of law, then speed is just as bad as drink driving. And 'speed matters', right? Or is it all a load of propaganda? Face it, there are times and places where it is ok to speed, we all do. And sometimes the DD limit can be bent reasonably safely.

[shoehorn]

HertsBiker said:

Just wait until the speed Stasi are grassing you up for a 1mph infringement. After all, it's against the law, and everything against the law could kill someone.... Just wait until joe public is able to dob you in for every speed related indiscretion. The fact is, at 20mph, Mr piss head was getting home ok. Imagine you faster drivers suddenly being targeted for 60 in a 50 with the same zealous enforcement? If you are really talking points of law, then speed is just as bad as drink driving. And 'speed matters', right? Or is it all a load of propaganda? Face it, there are times and places where it is ok to speed, we all do. And sometimes the DD limit can be bent reasonably safely.

I`m all for what you say but he was stopped over the limit the next morning,around 8-9 hours after he had stopped drinking.
The lane he drove down to get home was pitch black and partly unmade,it has many bends and corners,is lined with some enormous trees and ditches and at all times of the day or night can have ramblers,farm workers attending to animals,animals themselves or other drunks trying to walk or cycle home on it,there is no where for those to go when he drives down there one night blind(literally)drunk and does not see them until his booze addled reactions are too late to tell him to brake.
thats without the fact that he drives past the local junior school in the morning on his way to work and could hit my or anyone elses children doing so.

[ESOG]

Question, and I apologize if the answer lies within the pages of this post somewhere, but does he know that it was you who reported him?