Major car accident - what happens next?
Discussion
durbster... from a "professional", thank you - you, Mrs Durbster and the extended durbster "family". It's relatively "easy" for those not directly involved to be able to walk away after it's all over... Lucas is a lucky little chap to have both you and Mrs durbster step up to the mark. But from the sound of it, he wouldn't have been short of support from his family.
I hope you're all able to move on after the sentence. There have been so many lives ruined by this incident, yet at the same time, it's strengthened "us" all. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you're all able to move on after the sentence. There have been so many lives ruined by this incident, yet at the same time, it's strengthened "us" all. Thank you for sharing.
durbster said:
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Durbster, that's a fantastic and very touching tribute to someone who is clearly a wonderful, very special person. An awful, awful tale, and I'm mightily heartened by the way in which you have both stepped up and accepted your new life. I sincerely hope, given your comments around the start of this thread, that little Lucas gets a brother and/or sister in the foreseeable future, and if that new person turns out to be anything like their parents, Lucas will be well-sorted for the rest of his life. She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
durbster said:
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Well that just made me cry! Mate, all the very best to you all. Sounds like you married a goodun. She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Remember seeing this thread when it first appeared, frankly its a thread thats hard to forget, and I echo all the other comments.
You and your wife are doing a superb job and I'm sure Lucas will grow up to be a credit to you both, the rest of the family and everyone else who has and will be involved in his upbringing.
You and your wife are doing a superb job and I'm sure Lucas will grow up to be a credit to you both, the rest of the family and everyone else who has and will be involved in his upbringing.
wildcat45 said:
durbster said:
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Well that just made me cry! Mate, all the very best to you all. Sounds like you married a goodun. She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Well done Durbs and Mrs Durbs.
Last night when I read your comment about Lucas running to your wife when needing comfort I felt such a huge lump in my throat that I had to close down the thread and distract myself.
I found it provoked such complex and powerful emotions that I'm still struggling to find the right words, a feeling that was heart-breaking and heart warming at the same time. You've both been able to get such a good outcome from such a terrible tragedy.
Thank you for sharing this and I just hope Lucas' story can inspire us all to take note of the possible consequences next time we are tempted to take a risk.
Thank you.
I found it provoked such complex and powerful emotions that I'm still struggling to find the right words, a feeling that was heart-breaking and heart warming at the same time. You've both been able to get such a good outcome from such a terrible tragedy.
Thank you for sharing this and I just hope Lucas' story can inspire us all to take note of the possible consequences next time we are tempted to take a risk.
Thank you.
Edited by Martin4x4 on Tuesday 13th January 12:49
GreatGranny said:
Remember seeing this thread when it first appeared, frankly its a thread thats hard to forget, and I echo all the other comments.
You and your wife are doing a superb job and I'm sure Lucas will grow up to be a credit to you both, the rest of the family and everyone else who has and will be involved in his upbringing.
The same sentiments from me.You and your wife are doing a superb job and I'm sure Lucas will grow up to be a credit to you both, the rest of the family and everyone else who has and will be involved in his upbringing.
Durbster, its people like you that make the world a lttle bit better, As an aside, for those who haven't seen this, youtube spiderman dad.This guy was interviewed on local Radio yesterday and i was blubbing like a good un.
Well played both Durbs and this guy, both of you are worth twenty, nay more, than some of the scum and self centred buggers (politicians et al) who get all the plaudits.
Guys like you should get recognition for what you have done
Power to your elbow my good man. Look after the little fella
Well played both Durbs and this guy, both of you are worth twenty, nay more, than some of the scum and self centred buggers (politicians et al) who get all the plaudits.
Guys like you should get recognition for what you have done
Power to your elbow my good man. Look after the little fella
wildcat45 said:
durbster said:
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Well that just made me cry! Mate, all the very best to you all. Sounds like you married a goodun. She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
Well-done to you both ! Fantastic story of inspiration, love and caring through such a tragic tale.
Hats most definitely off to you and your wife. Can't imagine what you've all been through, it brought a lump to my throat just reading about it, but it's hugely heartening to know that the little chap is loved and well cared-for.
I hope the judge comes down hard on the person responsible; everything I've read suggests an almost callous disregard for the damage she's caused.
I hope the judge comes down hard on the person responsible; everything I've read suggests an almost callous disregard for the damage she's caused.
durbster said:
AyBee said:
durbster! Echo the above - absolute hero!Hope you don't mind me asking, but any indication why she changed her plea having already pleaded not guilty? IANAL but it seems slightly strange.
The court process began with the defence asking the judge to indicate would happen if she did change her plea. As you might imagine, the judge wasn't impressed with this and told them bluntly that he wouldn't answer that, and that they should go away and come back with a decision.
We were sent out, then called back in later on to be told she had been advised to plead guilty. It seems the last minute change of heart certainly wasn't for the sake of the families, shall we say.
Martin4x4 said:
Now the case is over can you tell us any more about how she caused the accident?
Nothing is certain but my personal understanding is that she drifted onto the wrong side of the road due to inattention (she wasn't on the phone, drunk or anything like that), corrected too violently and this unsettled the back of the car, eventually fishtailing onto the opposite side of the road over the brow of a hill and directly into the front of my brother's car. She claims the steering shuddered so there must have been a fault but I've done enough trackdays to know what a sliding car feels like so I suspect this was just that sensation.
There were three independent eye-witness accounts that verified this.
One of the witnesses was driving the car in front of my brother and they had seen the Discovery weaving past them, then watched events unfold in their rear view mirror. We briefly met them after the court proceedings and learned something of the effect it had had on them and other witnesses, which is something I hadn't really considered. They've been suffering because they knew nothing of the aftermath; they didn't know how the boy was or what was happening on the legal side. It was really nice to be able to tell them he's doing fine.
By the way, if there is a hero to be found in all this then it's my wife. She readily agreed to take him on, then gave up her job to become a full time mum for several months while we were settling the boy in, and now only works part-time because of school arrangements.
She's been absolutely amazing, frankly, and can offer him the things only a mother can which is so incredibly important for him. She's the one he clings to when he's frightened and the first one he runs to when he needs a cuddle. If you met her you would think she's a timid little mouse but bloody hell can she stand strong way after I've given in and am whimpering in the corner!
The accident sounds as if it might be similar to one a friends stepfather was involved in shortly before Christmas. The only known facts are that he ended up on the wrong side of the road hitting an oncoming van. In his case there were no fatalities and the only personally seriously injured was the driver at fault. What is unknown is why he was on he wrong side of the road, although witnesses have suggested he was swerving over the road in the seconds before the accident.
I think that if any of us were the guilty party in an accident that had resulted in serious injuries or fatalities we would be seeking to understand why it had happened and of course be questioning our own role. The reality is that most of us have no experience of a car skidding let alone being trained in how to correct it. So I surmise that a moments inattention got her on the wrong side of the road, she realised swerved to return to the right side of the road, but effectively over-corrected, lost control of the car with horrific consequences. Having not experienced this before nor knowing how to correct it she might have believed it was a fault with the car. In my opinion it is understandable that she has not wanted to accept the outcome was wholly her fault, albeit not deliberate, and she has pleaded not guilty because she has not anyone explain what has happened and why. She has now had time to accept the responsibility for the accident and potentially had an explanation from her legal team, hence the change of plea. I suspect that accepting one is guilty of causing a fatal accident is exceptionally difficult to accept and reality probably only sets in at the last moment, particularly if you think you have your own explanation.
Having said all that I will join with others in congratulating your wife and you for taking on responsibility for your nephew. Fortunately children are very resilient but even so this is something that will affect him and indeed you for the rest of your lives.
Hopefully all of us reading the thread will be affected and take even more care when driving.
Dr Jekyll said:
Also there is a difference between accepting that an accident was wholly your own fault and accepting that you were driving dangerously as opposed to just making a mistake.
I was a passenger in a car that left the road, for no particular reason, and killed a pedestrian. The evidence was that the car was well within the speed limit (My estimate as the only witness), the driver was sober, but the road damp, possibly a bit of diesel, (but police could find no evidence), tyres were legal, and the car well maintained, but being a marina not the best handling.
So the coroner decided it was an accident, CPS charged the driver with Driving without due care, and a very good legal defence, showed the magistrate a number of test cases where the high court had and hadn't decided that there was a reasonable excuse for crashing. My friend was found not guilty, but that did not change the fact that he felt guilty for a good while, (and probably still does).
I've just read this thread in its entirety having completely missed it the first time around.
Durbster, you and your wife are amazing people. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it's been to get to where you are now.
One thing that's making me quite angry sitting here now is the thought of all those thousands of people driving around without insurance and the pitiful penalties they receive if caught.
Durbster, you and your wife are amazing people. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it's been to get to where you are now.
One thing that's making me quite angry sitting here now is the thought of all those thousands of people driving around without insurance and the pitiful penalties they receive if caught.
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