Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed

[Black_S3]

theboss said:

I've already sent a message as yet unacknowledged. I know it stands to delay things slightly which could fk me up, but then this has been running for a long time and I've always felt that the moment I had hard evidence (no pun intended) I'd drop him in the st 'just because'. It's hard to convey the anxiety I've experienced for quite some time now whilst being derided as deluded/suspicious/paranoid every time I've brought it up. I suspect they are now panicking like mad about things, which means the boot is refreshingly on the other foot for a change.

Seriously, fk him.

No regrets. It's done now and it's out.... This is your popcorn moment .

[Psycho Warren]

Youre going to get fked over as she has the kids and everything always ends up being biased. So whatever assets you have, protect at all costs. If it comes to the divorce and the court orders you to hand over her share, then so be it. But once shes got her greasy paws on it, it WILL be lost forever to you.

[ShyTallKnight]

I decided not to when I was in the same situation.... I do think it was the right decision at the time I had enough drama going on and just couldnt handle getting drawn into another crisis potentially. However, I often wonder what would have happened had I sent that message. I knew his wife admittedly not very well but well enough to know that she was a decent person and deserved better. However, I'm also a big believer in what goes around comes around so will leave it at that.

[Black_S3]

Psycho Warren said:

Youre going to get fked over as she has the kids and everything always ends up being biased. So whatever assets you have, protect at all costs. If it comes to the divorce and the court orders you to hand over her share, then so be it. But once shes got her greasy paws on it, it WILL be lost forever to you.

Couldn't be further from the truth. My dad managed to keep his head together, we think he's the strongest man in the world for the kicks he took that he didn't respond to.

[walm]

Black_S3 said:

Psycho Warren said:

Youre going to get fked over as she has the kids and everything always ends up being biased. So whatever assets you have, protect at all costs. If it comes to the divorce and the court orders you to hand over her share, then so be it. But once shes got her greasy paws on it, it WILL be lost forever to you.

Couldn't be further from the truth. My dad managed to keep his head together, we think he's the strongest man in the world for the kicks he took that he didn't respond to.

I think he is talking about the assets, not the kids.

[Black_S3]

walm said:

I think he is talking about the assets, not the kids.

That went 50 50 as well. Took a while though. No point setting the OPs expectations as the worst possible case.

[Actus Reus]

PurpleMoonlight said:

Possibly not, but let her bh about it.

And contact the police and her lawyers.

If you must tell the bloke's wife, go ahead, but do not do anything to lock her our, take assets, refuse access to the kids etc. None of it's a good idea at best, and at worst it may be illegal.

Seek proper not-on-the-internet legal advice now from a qualified solicitor. If this is going to turn nasty, lawyer up early.

[C70R]

My only piece of advice is to get in touch with as many friends/family as you can. No matter how loose/lapsed the relationships, good people will put their hand up to help you in a situation like this. If you need help for mobility/care etc., and aren't able to do some of the physical acts of removal/hiding objects, they will be a godsend.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Actus Reus said:

And contact the police and her lawyers.

That's a good one that.

There is nothing unlawful about changing the locks unless the Lease prohibits it, in which case it becomes a breach of contract between the tenant and landlord (a civil matter).

If a joint tenant has vacated the property to live elsewhere I would argue they have forfeited any rights of occupation of the property and therefore the right to a key.

[Actus Reus]

You can argue that all you like PM, but your law degree is from The Queen's Head. Far better to be reasoned and measure one's actions now and let the other party make the mistakes, not just for the sake of the court, but also for the sake of the kids.

[Black_S3]

PurpleMoonlight said:

That's a good one that.


If a joint tenant has vacated the property to live elsewhere I would argue they have forfeited any rights of occupation of the property and therefore the right to a key.

You would argue that by having a second property elsewhere they give up the rights the tenancy agreement gives them? Please explain.

[AndStilliRise]

Wow and i thought i was having a bad day.


Good luck OP, i would suggest that you do eat something to begin with though. I am sure you will be better for it at the other end.

[PurpleMoonlight]

Black_S3 said:

You would argue that by having a second property elsewhere they give up the rights the tenancy agreement gives them? Please explain.

I would expect the Lease so state the property is to be used as the principal private residence of the tenants, so once she moves out she is in breach of contract and forfeits her occupation rights.

[walm]

PurpleMoonlight said:

If a joint tenant has vacated the property to live elsewhere I would argue they have forfeited any rights of occupation of the property and therefore the right to a key.

IANAL but I just checked with my wife who is and she laughed at such total BS.
Apparently the right to occupy a property where you are a joint tenant are pretty hard to "forfeit".
Life isn't like a game of musical chairs sadly.

[anonymous-user]

theboss said:

I've already sent a message as yet unacknowledged. I know it stands to delay things slightly which could fk me up, but then this has been running for a long time and I've always felt that the moment I had hard evidence (no pun intended) I'd drop him in the st 'just because'. It's hard to convey the anxiety I've experienced for quite some time now whilst being derided as deluded/suspicious/paranoid every time I've brought it up. I suspect they are now panicking like mad about things, which means the boot is refreshingly on the other foot for a change.

Seriously, fk him.

Your situation happened to me. The equivalent of your 'today' I told his wife and she was totally unaware it led to my ex going ballistic at me because their bubble had been burst and for the first time the stress was on them that their lies may unravel with them suffering.

I never regretted telling the wife as we helped each other.

I agree. fk him

[walm]

PurpleMoonlight said:

I would expect the Lease so state the property is to be used as the principal private residence of the tenants, so once she moves out she is in breach of contract and forfeits her occupation rights.

I am told (again, not me) that as long as ONE of the tenants maintains it as PPR then the landlord can't repossess.
And even if he could - that would be the Landlord's decision not the OP's, no?

[Black_S3]

PurpleMoonlight said:

I would expect the Lease so state the property is to be used as the principal private residence of the tenants, so once she moves out she is in breach of contract and forfeits her occupation rights.

That's a new one on me and before expecting it I'd want to see it.

So on one hand we have:

Change the locks, let her bh about it, she cant do anything.... it's a civil matter between her and the landlord.
You expect she has breached the lease, so try and enforce this..wait..Civil matter between her and the landlord.

Not great advice and just leads down the path of two people hell bent on destroying each other... In that situation both parties generally get their wish and do destroy each other.

[Actus Reus]

PurpleMoonlight said:

I would expect the Lease so state the property is to be used as the principal private residence of the tenants, so once she moves out she is in breach of contract and forfeits her occupation rights.

WTF?!? How about if she goes on holiday?

[PurpleMoonlight]

Actus Reus said:

WTF?!? How about if she goes on holiday?

You can't tell the difference between going on holiday and taking the children and moving in with someone else she is shagging?

[PurpleMoonlight]

Black_S3 said:

Not great advice and just leads down the path of two people hell bent on destroying each other... In that situation both parties generally get their wish and do destroy each other.

Fair point, but the OP needs to do something to stop her coming and going as she pleases, and him coming home finding items missing. Rightly or wrongly changing the locks does that until something more permanent can be put in place; a new lease or a non-molestation and occupation order.