Ex being unreasonable about seeing my daughter... !!!
Discussion
Hi Guys,
I am at my wits end, I have recently split from my (now ex) partner. We have a 19 month daughter and we cannot come to an agreement on access!
She wants me to only see her every other weekend....! This is unacceptable for me, I cannot go two weeks without seeing my daughter! It would kill me.
What are my rights with regards to access? The ex has said that we will go to mediation, but I am concerned that she will just push and push to get her own way.
The access plan I have come up with is:
Week 1: 3 nights (Friday pm - Monday am)
Week 2: 2 nights (Saturday pm - Monday am)
Week 3: 3 nights (Friday pm - Monday am)
Week 4: 2 nights (Saturday pm - Monday am)
She does not work, so will have all week to spend with her and do things that she wants, but her argument is that I cannot have her on the weekends because this ruins her time with her.... SHE DOESNT WORK!!!!
Another argument has been that, my daughter was diagnosed with separation anxiety when very young as she was very premature, however, I do not believe this to be an issue any more... The ex is using this as a beating stick saying that my daughter would be hysterical being that long away from her...
But... Obviously there would be wriggle room (with communication) should this cause any issues with any events etc. I cant see this being massively problematic, however the ex has said no...
This is breaking my heart... I can't go two weeks without my daughter!
Also, I have said that I would still like to take her to Disneyland (the ex was going to come, but not now)... the ex has said this is not going to happen!!! It is for 4 nights, can she really put the stoppers on it just like that?!?!
I am fighting so many emotions right now, she cannot understand that we are both her parents and that I should be able to see her an equal amount of time as her.
I am at my wits end, I have recently split from my (now ex) partner. We have a 19 month daughter and we cannot come to an agreement on access!
She wants me to only see her every other weekend....! This is unacceptable for me, I cannot go two weeks without seeing my daughter! It would kill me.
What are my rights with regards to access? The ex has said that we will go to mediation, but I am concerned that she will just push and push to get her own way.
The access plan I have come up with is:
Week 1: 3 nights (Friday pm - Monday am)
Week 2: 2 nights (Saturday pm - Monday am)
Week 3: 3 nights (Friday pm - Monday am)
Week 4: 2 nights (Saturday pm - Monday am)
She does not work, so will have all week to spend with her and do things that she wants, but her argument is that I cannot have her on the weekends because this ruins her time with her.... SHE DOESNT WORK!!!!
Another argument has been that, my daughter was diagnosed with separation anxiety when very young as she was very premature, however, I do not believe this to be an issue any more... The ex is using this as a beating stick saying that my daughter would be hysterical being that long away from her...
But... Obviously there would be wriggle room (with communication) should this cause any issues with any events etc. I cant see this being massively problematic, however the ex has said no...
This is breaking my heart... I can't go two weeks without my daughter!
Also, I have said that I would still like to take her to Disneyland (the ex was going to come, but not now)... the ex has said this is not going to happen!!! It is for 4 nights, can she really put the stoppers on it just like that?!?!
I am fighting so many emotions right now, she cannot understand that we are both her parents and that I should be able to see her an equal amount of time as her.
HantsRat said:
Contact a family solicitor as they are the experts, not us lot on a forum. Also document all contact as you never know when you may need it.
That is my next port of call, but wanted to put it out to the legal guys on here as well as to they guys who have been through a similar situation.HantsRat said:
Contact a family solicitor as they are the experts, not us lot on a forum. Also document all contact as you never know when you may need it.
seconded and be prepared for a long and costly fight through the courts. ask me how i know bottom line is *you* don't have any rights, only responsibilities. the courts said they are not there to provide equal access, only to ensure that the child has access to both parents - what proportion depends on the circumstances and they are interested in the best interests of the child.
so the bitter ex can make up and exaggerate upset/distress of the child, then tell the court that they really are trying to encourage access, but the child doesn't want to - too upset etc at the changes. and how they *really* are committed to mediation (but refuse to actually negotiate when you get there) - at a couple of hundred pounds (each) for a 2 hour session. the court then tells you to go away and work on your communication.
and when the ex breaks the court orders, there's sod all you can do about it, without going back to court and arguing as above - repeat. at several thousand pounds per day in court (paying solicitor and barrister etc), that quickly loses it's appeal.
what they're actually itching for, is to be so unreasonable, that you may be tempted to lose your temper with them - don't do this, not even raising your voice or swearing at their stubbornness - because then they run to the court saying how afraid they are of you and how they don't even want you to come onto their property (which used to be yours too) to collect your child (and mine did just that, despite no shouting etc - they were 'worried i *may* cause a scene' if my daughter was 15 min late coming out of the house.
18 months of courts and i still can't get the overnights that are written in court orders. so having to think about keeping the game going.
Just be really nice to her, as awful as it sounds, and agree to what access you can get. Try to talk her around in time, you have to grin and bear it I am afraid. I hoped my daughter would want to see more of my over time, but it didn't happen and now she hardly ever visits now she is 19. Suck it up and see what access you can negotiate, and good luck.
I am a divorced father myself, but I think that asking to see your daughter every weekend is unreasonable. Weekends tend to be the time that the good/enjoyable stuff happens so you will be getting all the "good" time whilst your ex gets the monday to friday drudgery of school.
You would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
You would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
SpydieNut said:
HantsRat said:
Contact a family solicitor as they are the experts, not us lot on a forum. Also document all contact as you never know when you may need it.
seconded and be prepared for a long and costly fight through the courts. ask me how i know bottom line is *you* don't have any rights, only responsibilities. the courts said they are not there to provide equal access, only to ensure that the child has access to both parents - what proportion depends on the circumstances and they are interested in the best interests of the child.
so the bitter ex can make up and exaggerate upset/distress of the child, then tell the court that they really are trying to encourage access, but the child doesn't want to - too upset etc at the changes. and how they *really* are committed to mediation (but refuse to actually negotiate when you get there) - at a couple of hundred pounds (each) for a 2 hour session. the court then tells you to go away and work on your communication.
and when the ex breaks the court orders, there's sod all you can do about it, without going back to court and arguing as above - repeat. at several thousand pounds per day in court (paying solicitor and barrister etc), that quickly loses it's appeal.
what they're actually itching for, is to be so unreasonable, that you may be tempted to lose your temper with them - don't do this, not even raising your voice or swearing at their stubbornness - because then they run to the court saying how afraid they are of you and how they don't even want you to come onto their property (which used to be yours too) to collect your child (and mine did just that, despite no shouting etc - they were 'worried i *may* cause a scene' if my daughter was 15 min late coming out of the house.
18 months of courts and i still can't get the overnights that are written in court orders. so having to think about keeping the game going.
sugerbear said:
I am a divorced father myself, but I think that asking to see your daughter every weekend is unreasonable. Weekends tend to be the time that the good/enjoyable stuff happens so you will be getting all the "good" time whilst your ex gets the monday to friday drudgery of school.
You would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
Thinking about it, you may be right, about being unreasonable... I like your suggestion though and may see how she reacts to it. Thank youYou would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
SickFish said:
sugerbear said:
I am a divorced father myself, but I think that asking to see your daughter every weekend is unreasonable. Weekends tend to be the time that the good/enjoyable stuff happens so you will be getting all the "good" time whilst your ex gets the monday to friday drudgery of school.
You would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
Thinking about it, you may be right, about being unreasonable... I like your suggestion though and may see how she reacts to it. Thank youYou would be better off taking her one night during the week, having full weekend access every other weekend and then suggesting either a friday night/saturday morning or Sunday night/Monday morning.
Practically (unless you are a monk/nun) you will find that at some stage you will meet someone new and you may find that having a daughter in tow every weekend might might end up ruining the new relationship.
I think taking your daughter away for 4 days is quite reasonable for a holiday, you just need to figure out why she is digging her heels in.
Long term children work out the stuff themselves.
A schedule that worked for me and my ex who was pretty amicable...
Week 1, Mum Monday, me Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday AM, mum Thursday evening/Friday Morning, me Friday evening to Sunday tea time.
Week 2, Mum Monday, me Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday AM, mum Thursday evening through to the next Tuesday except for a couple of hours on a Sunday evening.
Worked out roughly half and half with most changeovers at nursery then school as they got older.
The intention was regular contact with both parents and it worked well for fifteen years...
Week 1, Mum Monday, me Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday AM, mum Thursday evening/Friday Morning, me Friday evening to Sunday tea time.
Week 2, Mum Monday, me Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Thursday AM, mum Thursday evening through to the next Tuesday except for a couple of hours on a Sunday evening.
Worked out roughly half and half with most changeovers at nursery then school as they got older.
The intention was regular contact with both parents and it worked well for fifteen years...
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff