bored???...lonely???, instant chat to Barclays in India!!!

[Neil_H]

unrepentant said:

There used to be a search engine that had real people searching for you, you could ask them anything and they would look. It was very funny. I can't remember what it was called?

I think it's http://www.chacha.com

[chris_w666]

Barclays Indian Division said:

Sundharanand K: It's not mandatory to have a job to get a loan.

Yet people still ask why the credit market is fked.

[[AJ]]

madrob6 said:

Is it me or does every single reply seem far too generic?
Methinks you've been duped by a clever computeration device!

Still funny as hell though

I think they use macros to auto complete certain information, but if it was fully automated we wouldn't need to wait so long to chat to an agent. I've been 'standing by' for about 10 mins now!

[unrepentant]

Famous Graham said:

unrepentant said:

There used to be a search engine that had real people searching for you, you could ask them anything and they would look. It was very funny. I can't remember what it was called?

I've a funny feeling they found out about the PH thread and started commenting here (good naturedly as I recall).

Yeah thats right. Some of the women (they were all women?) were good fun and you could have a right laugh with them.

[V8S]

A million PH £5s to the first person to get one of them to send 10,000 USD over Western Union to get a share of Twelve Million, Four Hundred Thousand and Three Hundred and Twenty Five United States Dollars that is sitting in your deceased boss' account, so they can leave their stty job.

[castrolcraig]

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
You have been connected to Dominic Savio D'Souza.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Dominic, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: yes you may
Customer: my name is kevin
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Hello Kevin, how are you doing today?
Kevin: im ok thanks, im wondering if i could arrange a loan
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Barclays offer two types of personal loans - secured and unsecured.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: I am a specialist on unsecured personal loans and can help you with the facts and features of these loans only.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: What type of loan are you looking for?
Kevin: an secured loan, im looking to buy out my former employers.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: For more information on secured loan, please contact Freedom Finance on 0800 183 0513 - Lines are open from Monday to Friday 08:00-21.00, Saturdays 08:00–18:00 and Sundays 09:00-18:00. To maintain a quality service Freedom Finance may monitor and record phone calls. Calls to 0800 numbers are free if made from a UK landline. The price on a non-BT phone may be different.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Please see the attached link for details of our call charges.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...
Kevin: its involving a football club called newcastle united.
Kevin: id like to buy out the current owners as they have not got a clue
Kevin: hello!?
Dominic Savio D'Souza: This is a professional chat and I can you with the facts and features only.
Kevin: ok, thank you
Dominic Savio D'Souza: You are welcome, Kevin. Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Kevin: what would be the typical apr on a 250 million pounds loan.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Please contact our Lending Specialist Team on 0800 716 598, 7 days a week, 08.00 - 22.00.
Kevin: ??
Kevin: do you know who i am?? im kevin keegan, you cant treat me like this....
Dominic Savio D'Souza: I heard Anil Ambani is taking over Newcastle United.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Yes, I know you.
Kevin: can you ask him if i can have my old job back please?
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Sure, I'll let him know.
Kevin: its all qobbly eyes fault
Kevin: sorry, wobbly eye
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Do you have any further questions on product related?
Kevin: yes, can i borrow a tenner till next payday please, i need a haircut.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: I regret that as your behaviour continues to be inappropriate I am ending this chat.
Thank you for using Barclays WebChat. You may now close this window.
Your session has ended. You may now close this window.

[silver.fox.2008]

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
You have been connected to Santosh Kumar.
Santosh Kumar: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Santosh, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: hello? anybody there?
Customer: mum?
Santosh Kumar: Yes,I am here. How can I help you?
Customer: oh good, finally
Customer: I have a problem Santosh and I need your help
Customer: Santosh?
Customer: Are you ignoring me?
Customer: please talk to me
Santosh Kumar: No, I am here to help you. When helping you today, how would you like me to address you?
Customer: OverLord will do Santosh
Santosh Kumar: OverLord, how can I help you today?
Customer: Master of all that is dark in this universe
Customer: Yes Santosh, I've got a problem with my printer. Whenever I print a document it oprints but I am having problems printing a spreadsheet
Customer: any ideas?
Santosh Kumar: I don't have information on printing a spreadsheet.
Santosh Kumar: I am a specialist on e-savings and e-savings Reward accounts and loans.
Santosh Kumar: If you don't have any questions regarding our products and services, I won't be able to help you.
Customer: whats an e-savings and are they any different to a-savings?
Santosh Kumar: An e-savings is our Internet-only savings account available to existing customers only and it can only be opened and managed when logged into Online Banking.
Santosh Kumar: We don't offer any accounts which is a-savings.
Customer: If you can't help with the printer query can you nudge Deva Kumar, maybe he knows
Santosh Kumar: I won't be able to transfer this chat to Deva as he has finished his work for the day.
Customer: What time did he finish?
Customer: What time is it over there?
Santosh Kumar: I am not allowed to have any other conversation apart from our products and services.
Santosh Kumar: If you don't have any relevant questions I will be forced to end this chat session.
Customer: But can't end it, my printers still broken. Maybe you can email Deva, that might me a good idea. Or phone him, see if he knows
Santosh Kumar: We are not trained to help customers having problems with printers.
Santosh Kumar: You can contact the manufacturer of the printer or a repair centre for printers.
Customer: Do you have their number?
Santosh Kumar: I am sorry OverLord, I don't have the contact number for printers.
Customer: Is there anytthing you can do, I need to print this, its very urgent
Santosh Kumar: We are ending this chat session as you don't have any questions on our products and services.
Santosh Kumar: Thank you OverLord, for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Customer: I bet Deva would have helped!

[Heskey]

Yawn, this is boring now - They respond the same all the time

DEVA'S A LEGEND, LET'S TRY AND GET THROUGH TO HIM XD

Edited by Heskey on Wednesday 17th September 17:11

[Geronimo]

My guy didn't want to have any fun at all.

[Mafioso]

Have they stopped it now? I can't get on to them! I SO want to have a go! Damn!

[Digger.]

How about doing it in reverse. . .winding up online chat session with a Brit, and becoming frustrated that you cant get through to the indian fellow who last helped you

[camgear]

You have been connected to Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta.

Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Hiren, can I please ask what your name is?
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Jeff, how can I help you today?

Jeff: Do you do loans, guv?
Jeff: Me bruvva as taken all me mannay, the filfy sggggggggggggggg

Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: We offer both, secured and unsecured personal loans.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: What type of a loan are you looking for?

Jeff: Don't sappose you cud spare us fifty pee for a cuppa tea could ya sunshine?
Jeff: Ow abaht a pony for me mate Trevs Nissan Micra, ain't got any wheels tho

Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Can you please be specific with your query?

Jeff: I can, but first, I need to confirm your identity before I can disclose any personal information, do you have your password and date of birth for me please?

Jeff: Could you please tell me the first and third letters of your password?

Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: You do not need to disclose any personal information on this chat.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: I'm a specialist on online savings accounts and loans.
Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: I can help you with the facts and features of these products.

Jeff: I'm sorry, I cannot reveal any information until I confirm your identity.

Hiren Ashwinkumar Mehta: Do you have any questions for me regarding these products?

Jeff: You have failed to comply with the security verification, therefore I am ending this chat
Jeff: If you are the genuine account holder, please hang up, and try again
Jeff: Please hang up and try again
Jeff: BEEP BEEP BEEP
Jeff: Please hang up and try again

Thank you for using Barclays WebChat. You may now close this window.
Your session has ended. You may now close this window

[Ganglandboss]

You have been connected to Dominic Savio D'Souza.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Dominic, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Fauntleroy St. John Smythe
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Hello Fauntleroy St. John Smythe, how are you doing today?
Dominic Savio D'Souza: How can I help you today?
Fauntleroy St. John Smythe: Not well - I'm worried about dwarfs picking on me
Dominic Savio D'Souza: I am a specialist on e-savings and e-savings Reward account, Online Banking and Loans and can help you with the facts and features of these only.
Fauntleroy St. John Smythe: Can you not sort the d-warfs for me then?
Dominic Savio D'Souza: I'm sorry.
Fauntleroy St. John Smythe: What about a loan so I can hire the services of some hardcore olympic dwarf tossers?
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Barclays offer two types of personal loans - secured and unsecured.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: What type of loan are you looking for?
Fauntleroy St. John Smythe: Whichevere you think is best for paying for the services of dwarf tossers.
Dominic Savio D'Souza: Then please contact our Lending Specialist Team on 0800716598, 7 days week, 08.00 - 22.00 and they will check your situation and may be able to help you with the loan process. Details of our call charges are available on the attached link.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccon...

[Rebuker]

chris_w666 said:

Sundharanand K: It's pleasant. Please visit www.barclays.in for job opportunities in India.

Customer: Do you think they would allow me to work there I cannot speak indian but I am fond of curry

Excellent

[Killer2005]

I don't even get this at work, and I work for barclays

[Mullins]

Shahana Anjum: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Shahana, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: My name is Jim
Shahana Anjum: Hello Jim, how are you?
Customer: shabba ranks thanks, how are you?
Shahana Anjum: How can I help you today?
Customer: I was wondering, will there ever be a boy born that can swim faster than a shark?
Shahana Anjum: Sorry, how can I help?
Customer: Just wanted your opinion on the question
Shahana Anjum: No opinion on that one. I'm sorry.
Customer: ok, thanks anyway
Customer: have a nice day
Shahana Anjum: Thank you
Shahana Anjum: You too.

[shadowninja]

Nick.w said:

Uwaiz Ahmed: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Uwaiz, can I please ask what your name is?
Uwaiz Ahmed: I note that since accepting the webchat service you haven't responded to my invitation to chat. Please be aware that if you do not respond shortly this chat will automatically conclude.
Uwaiz Ahmed: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Thank you for using Barclays WebChat. You may now close this window.
Your session has ended. You may now close this window.

Y'see, the heavy breathing isn't so effective over web chat.

[Flintstone]

Egbert Nobacon said:

Not very broad minded.

I only wanted a few grand to open an English Takeaway in Mumbai .....

I'll have the blandest thing on the menu

[shadowninja]

Flintstone said:

Egbert Nobacon said:

Not very broad minded.

I only wanted a few grand to open an English Takeaway in Mumbai .....

I'll have the blandest thing on the menu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG-pmg_CCeI

[BlueCello]

I asked about borrowing money for a horse, and a maid to clean it.