Is he having an affair or not?
Discussion
My female mate is having a bit of trouble with her boyfriend, so I put it to the PH massive for advice.
I will try to keep this brief:
They've been going out for about 4-5 years. They live together, buy cushions and watch TV most nights. He works hard, she - call her Sarah (definitely) doesn't.
He (call him Richard) has got friendly with a girl at work. He tells my friend sarah everything - is extremely open about it, and has announce that this girl, call her natasha, is his new 'little mate' - I quote.
He is coming home later, texting her late at night, and recalling all the personal chats that they've had, and dropping her home each night, and so far sarah has been cool with it to Richard, despite admitting to me that, of course, she's jealous. She has been easy going about it all so far, because Natasha is muslim, and does not believe in physical contact / sex before marriage etc. etc.
But she's got a bit annoyed recently. He's been so late home the 'dinners got cold', and he's opening admitting that he 'got chatting' to Natasha. He's been working at the weekends recently, and when Sarah ran him the other day, he was vague when she asked where he was (his direct line didn't answer, or something). She rang him again after he had got shirty, and when she applied pressure, once again he admitted that he was taking time out with this natasha girl - in the park.
She was really pi$$ed that he was elongating his Saturday at work while she was at home painting trellice!
My friend is clearly worried, and asked me this question last night: Can a man have an affair without any physical/sexual contact, and without specifically lying to her? Is this man in denial? Or is it perfectly innocent and Sarah is the one being overly female?
I thought I would ask you lot for your opinions - you usually come up with varying and interesting opinions on this kind of thing!
Apologies for the lack of eloquence, but the one glass of wine I have consumed has already gone to my head!
Many thanks, Katy
* note names changed for obvious reasons!
I will try to keep this brief:
They've been going out for about 4-5 years. They live together, buy cushions and watch TV most nights. He works hard, she - call her Sarah (definitely) doesn't.
He (call him Richard) has got friendly with a girl at work. He tells my friend sarah everything - is extremely open about it, and has announce that this girl, call her natasha, is his new 'little mate' - I quote.
He is coming home later, texting her late at night, and recalling all the personal chats that they've had, and dropping her home each night, and so far sarah has been cool with it to Richard, despite admitting to me that, of course, she's jealous. She has been easy going about it all so far, because Natasha is muslim, and does not believe in physical contact / sex before marriage etc. etc.
But she's got a bit annoyed recently. He's been so late home the 'dinners got cold', and he's opening admitting that he 'got chatting' to Natasha. He's been working at the weekends recently, and when Sarah ran him the other day, he was vague when she asked where he was (his direct line didn't answer, or something). She rang him again after he had got shirty, and when she applied pressure, once again he admitted that he was taking time out with this natasha girl - in the park.
She was really pi$$ed that he was elongating his Saturday at work while she was at home painting trellice! My friend is clearly worried, and asked me this question last night: Can a man have an affair without any physical/sexual contact, and without specifically lying to her? Is this man in denial? Or is it perfectly innocent and Sarah is the one being overly female?
I thought I would ask you lot for your opinions - you usually come up with varying and interesting opinions on this kind of thing!
Apologies for the lack of eloquence, but the one glass of wine I have consumed has already gone to my head!
Many thanks, Katy
* note names changed for obvious reasons!
Depends on what you mean by an affair - it is definitely an emotional affair of sorts (It is possible it may have roots in a religious/faith sense; if "Richard" is qustioning his belief structure and perhaps "flirting" with Islam, if he believes this is something "Sarah" would not understand he would exhibit the symptoms similar to an "affair").
If it was purely harmless than I would expect Sarah to be included more frequenty than she is - though things are rarely as you fear..... often worse (damn that would be my cynicism kicking in).
If it was purely harmless than I would expect Sarah to be included more frequenty than she is - though things are rarely as you fear..... often worse (damn that would be my cynicism kicking in).
first thoughts? interesting...I would say that perhaps he's thinking that he's teeing this new girl up...or more likely in my view he's being completely upfront about it to his beloved in an attempt to stir some life/feelings/emotion to some degree back into his relationship with his girlfriend...
...then again, it could just be that he and this girl have developed a close friendship, I have a very close female friend who people frequently get the wrong idea about
...then again, it could just be that he and this girl have developed a close friendship, I have a very close female friend who people frequently get the wrong idea about
titiany said:
They are , technically speaking, doing the "bone dance"
Please elaborate! Do you mean he's either having an affair, or metrosexual (i.e. gay)?
I can't understand you americans
Let's see. "He is executing or attempting to execute a vaginal penetration action by means of feined interest in issues of sensitivity traditionally of more importance to women than men" How is that?
I've had extended lunch breaks with work colleagues in the pub or the park and sometimes get chatting after hours, especially if the motoring websites report a traffic jam on my route home.
Some of these colleagues were/are female and there wasn't anything going on.
How does your friend feel about the emotional and sex sides of her relationship? Are they happy? Is everthing OK? If the answer is no then her man is probably very tempted or is already at it. Opposite sex friends are often the very ones you'd love to jump into the sack with if you were single or if things were cool at home. That, to be honest, is part of the attraction of this kind of relationship and as long as everyone knows that it's not going any further then it's harmless.
Regarding that religious "no sex" stuff, It might be true, it might equally be a cover story. If you know the girl well enough to answer this question then you've probably solved your issue.
Some of these colleagues were/are female and there wasn't anything going on.
How does your friend feel about the emotional and sex sides of her relationship? Are they happy? Is everthing OK? If the answer is no then her man is probably very tempted or is already at it. Opposite sex friends are often the very ones you'd love to jump into the sack with if you were single or if things were cool at home. That, to be honest, is part of the attraction of this kind of relationship and as long as everyone knows that it's not going any further then it's harmless.
Regarding that religious "no sex" stuff, It might be true, it might equally be a cover story. If you know the girl well enough to answer this question then you've probably solved your issue.
Jimbeaux said:
Jimbeaux said:
They are , technically speaking, doing the "bone dance"
Please elaborate! Do you mean he's either having an affair, or metrosexual (i.e. gay)?
I can't understand you americans
Let's see. "He is executing or attempting to execute a vaginal penetration action by means of feined interest in issues of sensitivity traditionally of more importance to women than men" How is that?
message received and understood!
titiany said:
titiany said:
Jimbeaux said:
They are , technically speaking, doing the "bone dance"
Please elaborate! Do you mean he's either having an affair, or metrosexual (i.e. gay)?
I can't understand you americans
Let's see. "He is executing or attempting to execute a vaginal penetration action by means of feined interest in issues of sensitivity traditionally of more importance to women than men" How is that?
message received and understood!
Good; illustrations to follow!
It is sad that my own gender seem to be suggesting all relationships are based purely on a long or short term objective of sex. I believe it is not possible for one person to meet all of your needs for all of your life. It is perfectly possible for two people to base a relatioship on all sorts of other interests other than food, booze and bed. It might just be he likes having someone dependant on him. 
nonegreen said:
It is sad that my own gender seem to be suggesting all relationships are based purely on a long or short term objective of sex. I believe it is not possible for one person to meet all of your needs for all of your life. It is perfectly possible for two people to base a relatioship on all sorts of other interests other than food, booze and bed. It might just be he likes having someone dependant on him.
You are of course correct; but I was going, as stated, with the percentages. That said...(computing, computing), Yep; they are still dancing the horizontal bump!
nonegreen said:
It is sad that my own gender seem to be suggesting all relationships are based purely on a long or short term objective of sex. I believe it is not possible for one person to meet all of your needs for all of your life. It is perfectly possible for two people to base a relatioship on all sorts of other interests other than food, booze and bed. It might just be he likes having someone dependant on him.
Is it possible for a man and an attractive woman to be just friends-or will the man always want something more?.
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