Best "put down" lines

[towman]

There was a bit on the radio (Mark Radcliffe) last week about the best put down one liners.

Phil Jupitus gets my vote..........

"Oi Phil, ya fat git"
"I`m only fat because every time I sleep with your mum she gives me a biscuit"
:rofl:

Anyone else got any suggestions?

[Mr E]

"Well excuse me young lady, is this seat free"

"Yes, but if you sit in it, my seat will be free instead..."

[Trooper2]

One of my favorites:



YOU SIR, ARE A WASTE OF FLESH!

[wacky racer]

"Sir! You're drunk!!!"



"Madam, you're ugly, but tomorrow I'll be sober"

[pesty]

los angeles said:

Politician to writer novelist: Sir, I hope you end up in prison, or contract a nasty venereal disease! Satirical writer to politician: That will happen only if I embrace your politics or your mistress. LA

now thats a good reply!

[muley]

..trying to chat up a gorgeous blonde once..

"You remind me of my father"

Ar5e!

[warmfuzzies]

Him:- how would you like your eggs in the morning?
Her:- unfertilised



kevin

[Apache]

Son attempts to chat up a classy looking bint on the dance floor, "I don't dance with kids" she said, looking haughtily down her nose

"Sorry love, didn't know you were pregnant" he replies

[wolves_wanderer]

Girl: "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth"

Chap: "If I was the last man on earth you wouldn't be anywhere near the front of the queue"

[shirepro]

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

[lazyitus]

"There's only two s in here, and you're both of them."

[FourWheelDrift]

Heckler - "Oi Wa*ker!"
Response - "If only your father was"

[thebluemonkey]

I wouldn't piss on you if you were burning.

[anonymous-user]

I play a bit of online poker and some of the Americans get very upset when they lose and often make references to having relations with ones mother or sister. I usually reply "Oh yeah. She mentioned you. Mentioned your deformity. I've never heard of a dwarf penis before. Must be difficult for you". They usually either go on tilt and give you all their money or leave quietly.

[towman]

Her.........If I were married to you, I`d give you poison.
Churchill...Madam, if i were married to you, I`d take it.

[BliarOut]

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill:
"Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston:
"Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

[Mastiff]

True story..

Persistant drunken tr trying to chat up a pretty barmaid. She kept politely ignoring him / turning him down but the drunker he got, the more of a tr he bacame.

Eventually this pretty, petite and polite lady turned to him and said..

"Listen pal, I already have one ct in my knickers, and I do not need another one!"

About eight of us heard it, and gave her a tremendous and spontaneous round of applause as the tt wished the ground would swallow him whole.

[wizzpig]

Some of my favourites.....

Insult - "You fat bast@d"
Reply - "I can loose weight, but you'll always be ugly"

Whilst everybody has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige.

Of course I'd be delighted to help you... now, which way did you come in?

My all time favourite is....

"Oh I'm sorry, you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a sh1t"

[BliarOut]

Bugger you Towman...... Beaten by a truckie by a whole minute, oh the ignomy of it.

[towman]

BliarOut said:

Bugger you Towman...... Beaten by a truckie

I believe you have some serious issues here, Flatlander.

Still, if you have the money.........