Today i had one of those cigar moments.
Discussion
Oh yes, have had some of those...
Last few days : trying to undo a long dash bolt for it to shear at the thread end, deep inside the dash, f
k it!
Or wondering why another bolt holding the dash on won't go in - oh that's right, because I've just crossed the thread into the bulkhead
Aside: have you tried a pencil with some double-sided tape / gaffer / blutak on the end? Can you turn the engine by hand until that piston is at the top? Assuming it fell down the spark plug hole into one of the bores...
Last few days : trying to undo a long dash bolt for it to shear at the thread end, deep inside the dash, f
k it! Or wondering why another bolt holding the dash on won't go in - oh that's right, because I've just crossed the thread into the bulkhead
Aside: have you tried a pencil with some double-sided tape / gaffer / blutak on the end? Can you turn the engine by hand until that piston is at the top? Assuming it fell down the spark plug hole into one of the bores...
NiceCupOfTea said:
Oh yes, have had some of those...
Last few days : trying to undo a long dash bolt for it to shear at the thread end, deep inside the dash, f
Or wondering why another bolt holding the dash on won't go in - oh that's right, because I've just crossed the thread into the bulkhead
Aside: have you tried a pencil with some double-sided tape / gaffer / blutak on the end? Can you turn the engine by hand until that piston is at the top? Assuming it fell down the spark plug hole into one of the bores...
Bolts shearing
there's nothing worse ,the washer fell into the chain area just above the sump and was leant against the oil pump,i got to it now,3 hours later with the power steering,anti roll bar,pulley and front cover off ,time for a 
Know the feeling 
Whilst changing the battery on Wednesday I shaved a nice thick long fat slice of flesh off the side of my thumb 
dripped a pint of blood on my shirt/paintwork, and knocked a bloody spanner down into the engine bay (following which I dropped my telescopic magnetic grabber thingy, about the only tool I know how to use other than the hammer and spanner) which fortunately went through the manifolds and landed on the ground.
Eventually got spanner back, bolted the front lip down, closed bonet discovered Id forgotten the bolt which holds the battery in... undid lip, took off, bolted the bolt after nearly dropping it, chipped my paintwork
(very lightly mind 
) with screw driver used for poking another nut out, put lip back on once again bolting down both sides, then discovered a washer Id forgotten to put back on the bold...
Whilst changing the battery on Wednesday I shaved a nice thick long fat slice of flesh off the side of my thumb dripped a pint of blood on my shirt/paintwork, and knocked a bloody spanner down into the engine bay (following which I dropped my telescopic magnetic grabber thingy, about the only tool I know how to use other than the hammer and spanner) which fortunately went through the manifolds and landed on the ground. Eventually got spanner back, bolted the front lip down, closed bonet discovered Id forgotten the bolt which holds the battery in... undid lip, took off, bolted the bolt after nearly dropping it, chipped my paintwork
(very lightly mind ) with screw driver used for poking another nut out, put lip back on once again bolting down both sides, then discovered a washer Id forgotten to put back on the bold... Thanks God it's not just me!
Inspecting the front brakes on my old Rover, had the car on axle stands, just bolted the wheel back on, give it a spin to make sure all's well, trap finger between tyre and concrete (just less than an index finger's gap between tyre and ground) 
Took a couple of weeks for that to stop hurting
Inspecting the front brakes on my old Rover, had the car on axle stands, just bolted the wheel back on, give it a spin to make sure all's well, trap finger between tyre and concrete (just less than an index finger's gap between tyre and ground)
Took a couple of weeks for that to stop hurting
ZR1cliff said:No worries matie, glad I could help
Hell Bob thats one hell of a chain reaction,thanks i feel better now
The chain reaction was in slow mo though, took about as your little incident (nearly), mostly spent playing silly buggers with the batteries trying to get them to fit 
NiceCupOfTea said:Ouch! Should have used your pinkie (no not that one-put it back in your trews... the other pinkie!)
Thanks God it's not just me!
Inspecting the front brakes on my old Rover, had the car on axle stands, just bolted the wheel back on, give it a spin to make sure all's well, trap finger between tyre and concrete (just less than an index finger's gap between tyre and ground)
Took a couple of weeks for that to stop hurting
I was once pushing a go kart at high speed (light years ago) which tipped up backwards, and under the crushing weight of a passenger, I had the tarmac snap my nails in half which were left pointing upwards like pyramids. Did it again as soon as they had healed
Men and Motors 
Almost as much fun as Women and Wonderbras, but twice as painful 
ZR1cliff said:
Today i had a go at timing my first 4 cam engine which went well,only for me to drop a cam washer deep inside the engine...............F**k F**k F**k,all enthusiasm drains from my body and as i sit down i think of the cigar advert and stare into space
try fixing a peice of kit that does 1ft in about 1/1100th of a minute. clunk. arrrgh.
one bit is loctited, and it always smashes my knuckles
boo hiss
Been there, seen it, done it, got the Tee shirt and the scars from tightening up a bolt on a m/cycle kickstart & the bolt head shearing and my thumb knuckle joint passing over the jagged sharp edge with the speed of light. & me thinking "where has all this red stuff come from" then looking at my thumb... Not nice
Oh, how the memories come flooding back....
Screwed everything back together again and....
Wouldn't you just know it....?
Next door's cat hopped over my shoulder and dived down under the battery box.....
Tried to coax it out with the magnetic probe, but it wouldn't have any of it.....
Then...wouldn't you just believe it....?
The dog jumped in the car and started it....
Just my luck, it was in reverse. Before I could fell the mutt with me bow and arrow, the car shot through the fence into the other neighbour's garden and....
Wouldn't you just believe it....?
Crashed straight into neighbour's bloody giraffe....
Oh, how we laughed as we struggled to get the giraffe into the vet's Range Rover.....
Happy days.....
Screwed everything back together again and....
Wouldn't you just know it....?
Next door's cat hopped over my shoulder and dived down under the battery box.....
Tried to coax it out with the magnetic probe, but it wouldn't have any of it.....
Then...wouldn't you just believe it....?
The dog jumped in the car and started it....
Just my luck, it was in reverse. Before I could fell the mutt with me bow and arrow, the car shot through the fence into the other neighbour's garden and....
Wouldn't you just believe it....?
Crashed straight into neighbour's bloody giraffe....
Oh, how we laughed as we struggled to get the giraffe into the vet's Range Rover.....
Happy days.....
MBH said:
Oh, how the memories come flooding back....
Screwed everything back together again and....
Wouldn't you just know it....?
Next door's cat hopped over my shoulder and dived down under the battery box.....
Tried to coax it out with the magnetic probe, but it wouldn't have any of it.....
Then...wouldn't you just believe it....?
The dog jumped in the car and started it....
Just my luck, it was in reverse. Before I could fell the mutt with me bow and arrow, the car shot through the fence into the other neighbour's garden and....
Wouldn't you just believe it....?
Crashed straight into neighbour's bloody giraffe....
Oh, how we laughed as we struggled to get the giraffe into the vet's Range Rover.....
Happy days.....
oooh! the sarcasm.
srebbe64 said:
maybe a mod could change the topic tile to mechanical mishaps then?
Yes, or "the (usually) silent majority"!
sarcasm again!
Whilst locked in my padded cell last night, with nought but my water bowl and scratch toy, I began ruminating...
I saw mist on the moors, sunlit applegroves (possobly because I was delerious) and finally TVR giving to its enthusiasts the new V8 they all want so badly
Then in my trance I started having thoughts of mechanics (no no you fools, not those kinds of thoughts)... and
the realisation that the perfect mechanic would be as gentle-fingered as you could imagine.
Else he'd peel half the flesh off the side of his thumb like I did. Erm, I dont have a point as such (stretches legs, prepares to stroll off casually) but Im sure a good mechanic isnt really the ruff and gruff oil stained heavyweight he seems to be, he's actually a ballerina in an old blue elvis jumpsuit, his self preservation being within his delicate moves. Or something
Or he wouldnt be as good as his job as he was.
I saw mist on the moors, sunlit applegroves (possobly because I was delerious) and finally TVR giving to its enthusiasts the new V8 they all want so badly
Then in my trance I started having thoughts of mechanics (no no you fools, not those kinds of thoughts)... and
the realisation that the perfect mechanic would be as gentle-fingered as you could imagine. Else he'd peel half the flesh off the side of his thumb like I did. Erm, I dont have a point as such (stretches legs, prepares to stroll off casually) but Im sure a good mechanic isnt really the ruff and gruff oil stained heavyweight he seems to be, he's actually a ballerina in an old blue elvis jumpsuit, his self preservation being within his delicate moves. Or something
Or he wouldnt be as good as his job as he was.
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