Does good stuff *ever* happen to good people?
Discussion
I only ask as im losing faith.
As many of you know I suffered depression for over a year and have only just started being normal again. However nothing seems to work out recently, nothing... im starting to really question why? I get so angry at myself at times, I cant help but blame myself for things, or feel guilty that im not making the most of my life when others suffer so much.
I really dont want to head back to where I was before, because I honestly doubt im strong enough to deal with it again. But everything seems to just not work out. Ive been quite happy recently but things just dont seem 100% yet. I dont even know what im trying to ask the PH collective... can anyone actually turn around and say things pick up out of the blue when we have these moments?? Can anyone point me in the direction of something I need to do (interests etc) in order to deal with things better?
Im lost, but thanks for anything,
BCA.
As many of you know I suffered depression for over a year and have only just started being normal again. However nothing seems to work out recently, nothing... im starting to really question why? I get so angry at myself at times, I cant help but blame myself for things, or feel guilty that im not making the most of my life when others suffer so much.
I really dont want to head back to where I was before, because I honestly doubt im strong enough to deal with it again. But everything seems to just not work out. Ive been quite happy recently but things just dont seem 100% yet. I dont even know what im trying to ask the PH collective... can anyone actually turn around and say things pick up out of the blue when we have these moments?? Can anyone point me in the direction of something I need to do (interests etc) in order to deal with things better?
Im lost, but thanks for anything,
BCA.
Yes.
Case's Formula team won Rookie of the Year at FSAE (Formula Student USA).
Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France.
Mark Warner made a fortune with Nextel. Lenny Zaluskas made a similar one with Diamond Mobile.
Franklin Roosevelt was President. So was Dwight Eisenhower.
We won World War II.
The overwhelming majority of thermonuclear weapons are in the hands of democracies. All of them are in the hands of reasonably stable governments.
Case's Formula team won Rookie of the Year at FSAE (Formula Student USA).
Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France.
Mark Warner made a fortune with Nextel. Lenny Zaluskas made a similar one with Diamond Mobile.
Franklin Roosevelt was President. So was Dwight Eisenhower.
We won World War II.
The overwhelming majority of thermonuclear weapons are in the hands of democracies. All of them are in the hands of reasonably stable governments.
BCA said:
I only ask as im losing faith.
As many of you know I suffered depression for over a year and have only just started being normal again. However nothing seems to work out recently, nothing... im starting to really question why? I get so angry at myself at times, I cant help but blame myself for things, or feel guilty that im not making the most of my life when others suffer so much.
I really dont want to head back to where I was before, because I honestly doubt im strong enough to deal with it again. But everything seems to just not work out. Ive been quite happy recently but things just dont seem 100% yet. I dont even know what im trying to ask the PH collective... can anyone actually turn around and say things pick up out of the blue when we have these moments?? Can anyone point me in the direction of something I need to do (interests etc) in order to deal with things better?
Im lost, but thanks for anything,
BCA.
Yes it will work out in the end. From what I remember you are a very charming nice young man. I had heard you have had a bad time. Just keep believing in yourself and it will all work out take care bud.
Thanks nonners, lois was right, I should have made it to Btap, its straight thinking/talking gentlemen like yourself that re-kindle what little faith I have.
Just cant seem to get things right at the moment and I can only blame myself. I really hate the thought of undoing what was a years worth of self torture that resulted in me going back to being only a shadow of what I once was. I cant go back, but hate the missed opportunities, the wrong decisions, the way others deserve to live my life as they would utilise so many aspects far better.
I am my own worst enemy.
Just cant seem to get things right at the moment and I can only blame myself. I really hate the thought of undoing what was a years worth of self torture that resulted in me going back to being only a shadow of what I once was. I cant go back, but hate the missed opportunities, the wrong decisions, the way others deserve to live my life as they would utilise so many aspects far better.
I am my own worst enemy.
LA:
Im most unhappy when I dont take risks... I have alot of self doubt at the moment. I came out of my depression feeling happy again, something that felt alien to me. However, rewind two years and the only differences are that im older and have not recovered the same level of confidence/ have gained more of an ability to question my actions.
I do have too high expectations for my own good, but even so, im not willing to take the risk of lowering such expectations.
As for where it most effects me, im not sure... work is unchallenging except in terms of quantity and the idiots I am thrust upon for such handicaps as "group work". I am no longer challenged intellectually. Home? What is this home?? Its a concept I seem to have lost as soon as I came to this hell hold (uni) - Im a guest at that house, im treated differently and constantly feel like a drain on my parents (who are nothing but amazing and endlessly supporting) - I love my family to bits, they would support me in anything I do, but the concept of home is most definately lost.
Alone, perhaps thats it, I have the greatest mates in the world, a loving and supportive family... but I do feel desperately alone most of the time. I seek comfort in this very website, where I have met some truly magnificent people (such as nonegreen) and can just feel accepted. Its the one place at the moment that I can turn to 24/7 and find things of interest, challenges of thought and likeminded people without the need to BS in order to feed thier egos - for the most part atleast.
I just cant get my head around things in life at times.
>> Edited by BCA on Thursday 1st December 02:07
Im most unhappy when I dont take risks... I have alot of self doubt at the moment. I came out of my depression feeling happy again, something that felt alien to me. However, rewind two years and the only differences are that im older and have not recovered the same level of confidence/ have gained more of an ability to question my actions.
I do have too high expectations for my own good, but even so, im not willing to take the risk of lowering such expectations.
As for where it most effects me, im not sure... work is unchallenging except in terms of quantity and the idiots I am thrust upon for such handicaps as "group work". I am no longer challenged intellectually. Home? What is this home?? Its a concept I seem to have lost as soon as I came to this hell hold (uni) - Im a guest at that house, im treated differently and constantly feel like a drain on my parents (who are nothing but amazing and endlessly supporting) - I love my family to bits, they would support me in anything I do, but the concept of home is most definately lost.
Alone, perhaps thats it, I have the greatest mates in the world, a loving and supportive family... but I do feel desperately alone most of the time. I seek comfort in this very website, where I have met some truly magnificent people (such as nonegreen) and can just feel accepted. Its the one place at the moment that I can turn to 24/7 and find things of interest, challenges of thought and likeminded people without the need to BS in order to feed thier egos - for the most part atleast.
I just cant get my head around things in life at times.
>> Edited by BCA on Thursday 1st December 02:07
BCA said:
I only ask as im losing faith.
As many of you know I suffered depression for over a year and have only just started being normal again. However nothing seems to work out recently, nothing... im starting to really question why? I get so angry at myself at times, I cant help but blame myself for things, or feel guilty that im not making the most of my life when others suffer so much.
I really dont want to head back to where I was before, because I honestly doubt im strong enough to deal with it again. But everything seems to just not work out. Ive been quite happy recently but things just dont seem 100% yet. I dont even know what im trying to ask the PH collective... can anyone actually turn around and say things pick up out of the blue when we have these moments?? Can anyone point me in the direction of something I need to do (interests etc) in order to deal with things better?
Im lost, but thanks for anything,
BCA.
Put it down to the weather, as soon as the sun comes out you'll feel happy and joyful again.Life is what you make of it , so in these what appears to be darker times ,try to focus hard and you begin to see things clear around you as your eyes adjust to the new environment.
Don't panic just because things aren't as bright and cheerful as they once were in the past.Life is never perfect like that, and true happiness is only short lived, the rest of the time is just fighting against the strong current of life just a salmon swimming up the river to reach the top against all odds.
Promise yourself one thing: that you will never allow yourself to fall back into the trap you were in recently. Tell yourself you have seen it , wore the T-shirt , heard the album , and it's old news as off now.
This is the new YOU, the fact that you came to ask us for opinions demonstrate a new YOU, that you are stronger but you don't know it.
Take advantage of that strength and propell yourself forward away from the past. Join a Gym , exercise a lot , and get that blood circulating, so you can think clearer than ever before.
Try it for a month or so and tell us what you think.
Watch funny films and stand ups too , stand up comedians are good therapy
Last but not least Be positive and never panic if things aren't right , behind every hurdle there is a solution, this solution could be easy if you WANT it to be easy.If you look down on obstacles they seem small and meaningless, if on the other hand you look up to obstacles they might appear bigger than they really are and impossible to beat or get over! so teach yourself to laugh in the face of problems just like some people laugh in the face of danger.It works trust me
I actually find this time of year to be my most cheerful. Its not "SAD" that I suffer from, I went into depression when I lost someone (in my mind) that I loved dearly for years and the weight above my head became too great. Im struggling to put into words how much I suffered because of my illness, but needless to say being relatively happy recently has been so strange its untrue. To have niggling self doubt and wrong decisions bite me in the ass is just pushing me to such immense anger that I fear I may be heading back down a familiar path.
BCA said:
... wrong decisions ...
You have mentioned this (or these) a few times.
What sort of decisions?
How are they wrong? (What are you judging them against?)
Are they hugely important to you , or not really?
Are they hugely important in the context of the wider world, or not really?
I'm not seeking intrusive details, just some sort of feel for why you think you are making wrong decisions rather than right decisions and how you come to a judgement to be able to assess what is a wrong decision and what a 'right' decision.
Wrong decisions = things that dont end or head towards my ultimate goal of general happiness.
For instance this includes:
*Staying on at my sixth form
*Continuing in a relationship that wore me down in many ways which eventually ended in tragedy
*Following this career path
*Joining this Uni/ course
*Many of the "friends" I have made (amazing how people turn)
*Not talking to many people whom had the potential to make me happy (Girls, im a simple being, I know.)
*Missing out on opportunities to change the above through self doubt, lack of confidence and picking the coasting through life option, or finding myself too heavily financially invested in that path.
*Not sprinting the Cerbera/Smart despite endless opportunities to do so
*Worrying about stupid little things such as numbers in bank accounts
*Being conservative in how I present myself and interact with others
*Caring too much
*Thinkng too much
*Doubting or looking for doubt when there is no reason to do so
Im probably not far off the mark when I say I havent made a good decision in about five years, except seeing my doctor about a year ago.
For instance this includes:
*Staying on at my sixth form
*Continuing in a relationship that wore me down in many ways which eventually ended in tragedy
*Following this career path
*Joining this Uni/ course
*Many of the "friends" I have made (amazing how people turn)
*Not talking to many people whom had the potential to make me happy (Girls, im a simple being, I know.)
*Missing out on opportunities to change the above through self doubt, lack of confidence and picking the coasting through life option, or finding myself too heavily financially invested in that path.
*Not sprinting the Cerbera/Smart despite endless opportunities to do so
*Worrying about stupid little things such as numbers in bank accounts
*Being conservative in how I present myself and interact with others
*Caring too much
*Thinkng too much
*Doubting or looking for doubt when there is no reason to do so
Im probably not far off the mark when I say I havent made a good decision in about five years, except seeing my doctor about a year ago.
Is there no-one that you can confide in a little more BCA? Even if it means different people for different things. It's hard for us to sdvise you without knowing you, but of course you should realise that we are all in that same boat y'know. There are many things in my past that would have done differently if I did it all again.
You don't really need to go into too much detali with them, isolate things and ask, "what do you think? What would you do" kind of thing...don't elaborate further if you don't wish to. Older people may be best....
You don't really need to go into too much detali with them, isolate things and ask, "what do you think? What would you do" kind of thing...don't elaborate further if you don't wish to. Older people may be best....
BCA said:
Can anyone point me in the direction of something I need to do (interests etc) in order to deal with things better?
Yes, it`s called life! Get off the computer and get out and enjoy yourself. We ALL make mistakes, but that is what forges our character. Just keep plugging away and try anything and everything (legal of course!). If you don`t like it or you screw up, move on and try something else.
Moping around listening to the collective "wisdom" of a bunch of old farts (self included) will get you nowhere
BCA, don't sweat the little stuff and there is no such thing as big stuff!
I've suffered from depression off and on my entire life, so I truly sympathize with you.
Things will get better, I know it seems impossible sometimes. My life finally has direction and no it's not perfect but it's a damn sight better than it ever has been.
Live in the present and not in the past or the future.
Keep your chin up as best you can..
>> Edited by Trooper2 on Thursday 1st December 05:04
I've suffered from depression off and on my entire life, so I truly sympathize with you.
Things will get better, I know it seems impossible sometimes. My life finally has direction and no it's not perfect but it's a damn sight better than it ever has been.
Live in the present and not in the past or the future.
Keep your chin up as best you can..
>> Edited by Trooper2 on Thursday 1st December 05:04
BCA - I don't know you or your circumstances.
However if you haven't, you should seek professional counselling help. Depression is a treatable illness, much of it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be effectively treated with therapy and medication.
Life is too short to spend it being miserable - especially as there is usually little real reason to be feeling so bad. Depression is a downward spiral and it feeds on itself, the trick is to break the cycle.
It sounds a cliche, but do remember that there are many people far worse off. This in no way trivialises your situation, but no matter how bad it seems, it could be far worse.
In response to your question - yes, good things do happen to good people. So do bad things. Life is a bit of a lottery. But on balance things tend to even out over time.
I live by one maxim alone - life is not a dress rehearsal. Make the most of it.
However if you haven't, you should seek professional counselling help. Depression is a treatable illness, much of it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be effectively treated with therapy and medication.
Life is too short to spend it being miserable - especially as there is usually little real reason to be feeling so bad. Depression is a downward spiral and it feeds on itself, the trick is to break the cycle.
It sounds a cliche, but do remember that there are many people far worse off. This in no way trivialises your situation, but no matter how bad it seems, it could be far worse.
In response to your question - yes, good things do happen to good people. So do bad things. Life is a bit of a lottery. But on balance things tend to even out over time.
I live by one maxim alone - life is not a dress rehearsal. Make the most of it.
I have to admit to only having skimmed the thread but have a couple of thoughts...
Studies show that there is a type of person who when things go wrong swears a bit (well ok a lot), but picks themself up and gets on with life. They don't think "why me" cos they recognise that everyone has sh*t in their lives, you can't control it, all you can do is control the way you approach it and deal with it. Try and think about developing this type of approach to life - you can do it - the mind is a wonderful thing.
You say you don't have SAD - I've said that for a long time too, although with hindsight - although I don't in any way consider myself to suffer from depression or be depressive - I've had a lot of the symptoms for a good few years.
I found in the winter (actually from September onwards) everything was harder to deal with and to tolerate. Situations that I would normally have laughed at became much more stressful. I didn't want to go out and see anyone but felt a bit isolated. I felt so physically fatigued that walking up the stairs at night was an effort. I could get 9 good hours sleep a night and still take an hour to wake up and feel like a zombie. I'm also not a very nice person to be around.... (sorry Happy Snapper!).
I was put off of thinking it was SAD because lots of the info says you'll notice it in December and January and I felt like this for a good chunk of the year - I now realise that SAD symptoms can kick in between September and April (for me this coincides with the end of the race season and has led to winter hibernation for years!) and actually if you're like me and spend most of the year indoors chances are you'll suffer in the summer to some extent as well.
I'd been coming round to the idea for a while and then had a chat with a friend who's a hypnotherapist and a life coach - she's one of the most upbeat, motivated and bubbly people you could meet in life - she listened to me ranting and suggested that this sounded like classic SAD - she went on to say that she had suffered for years and frankly didn't think she'd ever get up in the morning without her lightbox.
So....I bought a lightbox - look at www.outsidein.co.uk - they aren't cheap but they do a 21 day trial period. I've been using mine for around 3 weeks - I bought one that looks like a task light and I have it on my desk at work. It's not too much of an exaggeration to say that it's come close to changing my life. I can't describe how much better I feel, how much more work I'm managing to do and people are remarking how much better I look as I'm not constantly knackered.
Try it - you might be surprised.....Good luck.
Piglet.
whoops - apols for length!
Studies show that there is a type of person who when things go wrong swears a bit (well ok a lot), but picks themself up and gets on with life. They don't think "why me" cos they recognise that everyone has sh*t in their lives, you can't control it, all you can do is control the way you approach it and deal with it. Try and think about developing this type of approach to life - you can do it - the mind is a wonderful thing.
You say you don't have SAD - I've said that for a long time too, although with hindsight - although I don't in any way consider myself to suffer from depression or be depressive - I've had a lot of the symptoms for a good few years.
I found in the winter (actually from September onwards) everything was harder to deal with and to tolerate. Situations that I would normally have laughed at became much more stressful. I didn't want to go out and see anyone but felt a bit isolated. I felt so physically fatigued that walking up the stairs at night was an effort. I could get 9 good hours sleep a night and still take an hour to wake up and feel like a zombie. I'm also not a very nice person to be around.... (sorry Happy Snapper!).
I was put off of thinking it was SAD because lots of the info says you'll notice it in December and January and I felt like this for a good chunk of the year - I now realise that SAD symptoms can kick in between September and April (for me this coincides with the end of the race season and has led to winter hibernation for years!) and actually if you're like me and spend most of the year indoors chances are you'll suffer in the summer to some extent as well.
I'd been coming round to the idea for a while and then had a chat with a friend who's a hypnotherapist and a life coach - she's one of the most upbeat, motivated and bubbly people you could meet in life - she listened to me ranting and suggested that this sounded like classic SAD - she went on to say that she had suffered for years and frankly didn't think she'd ever get up in the morning without her lightbox.
So....I bought a lightbox - look at www.outsidein.co.uk - they aren't cheap but they do a 21 day trial period. I've been using mine for around 3 weeks - I bought one that looks like a task light and I have it on my desk at work. It's not too much of an exaggeration to say that it's come close to changing my life. I can't describe how much better I feel, how much more work I'm managing to do and people are remarking how much better I look as I'm not constantly knackered.
Try it - you might be surprised.....Good luck.
Piglet.
whoops - apols for length!
BCA - if you have depressive tendencies you probably dwell far too much on what you consider the "bad" things that have happened to you. You made the point of making a list of all those events that have made you feel low. How about making the effort to draw up a list of the things that have made you happy or things that cheer you up. I bet, if you think hard enough, you will be able to come up with a list just as long.
No one has a "right" to be happy. Happiness comes from within.
No one has a "right" to be happy. Happiness comes from within.
i just thought i would add one small statement:
if you are feeling down about something then actively do something else that has the potential to make you feel better. you mentioned that you wished you had done sprints, why not do more motorsport? through that you can meet some new friends and enjoy yourself.
chris
if you are feeling down about something then actively do something else that has the potential to make you feel better. you mentioned that you wished you had done sprints, why not do more motorsport? through that you can meet some new friends and enjoy yourself.
chris
"if he didn't have bad luck he'd have no luck at all" .. is a phrase that is probably going around your head a lot at the moment ..
Fact is, only good people care about issues like this because only they are sensitive and caring enough to let it bother them, and that's the irony of depression .. you only let things get to you because you have a conscience and you are a sensitive human being .. both admirable qualities in their own right but they leave you open to the feelings you're having at the mo. If you were hard and callous you'd not care, but equally none of us would care either .. the fact you have so many people here on PH wanting to help you right now suggests to me that you have a good following of people here who respect you and want to see you succeed in life.
No-one likes a quitter, but equally every sane person wants to see good people go on to do great things in their lives, and even though at the moment you might feel like quitting it's perfectly ok to say "i feel like this, and i need help" .. I'd like to help 'cos I think you're a corking chappie from one of the most wonderful families I know of.
I also think a lot of what you are feeling is growing up .. it's life experiences .. for sure the relationship things really are kinda sucky when they end .. but you're bright and charming and intelligent and you will turn things around for yourself. Hell even I fancy you now. (that last bit didn't help did it? sowwy!
)
I agree about being happy when you take risks too .. there's nothing more rewarding than staking big style on something and it paying off .. it might not pay off sometimes and that's the gamble of course. As you know my business suffered a bit of a blow earlier this year with one particular episode and i really questioned whether it was worthwhile keeping on going when hard working folk such as me could get shit on in such a way .. but people are judged not on whether they succeed or fail generally but on the manner they do either .. of course of the two succeeeding is by far the preferred option .. but whatever you do do it gallantly. I've only just realised looking back on my recent past that I could have done things so much better, and now fully intend to turn the screws!! haha.
Ben, you're a star, you have a loyal fanbase of which I'm one .. it's not easy to get off your bum and make things happen when everything seems to be slapping you in the face with a wet kipper.. but the way you deal now will help you all the way down the line ...
I'll now hand back to someone who can give proper advice, i just wanted to tell you I think you're great
big hugs my man.
Fact is, only good people care about issues like this because only they are sensitive and caring enough to let it bother them, and that's the irony of depression .. you only let things get to you because you have a conscience and you are a sensitive human being .. both admirable qualities in their own right but they leave you open to the feelings you're having at the mo. If you were hard and callous you'd not care, but equally none of us would care either .. the fact you have so many people here on PH wanting to help you right now suggests to me that you have a good following of people here who respect you and want to see you succeed in life.
No-one likes a quitter, but equally every sane person wants to see good people go on to do great things in their lives, and even though at the moment you might feel like quitting it's perfectly ok to say "i feel like this, and i need help" .. I'd like to help 'cos I think you're a corking chappie from one of the most wonderful families I know of.
I also think a lot of what you are feeling is growing up .. it's life experiences .. for sure the relationship things really are kinda sucky when they end .. but you're bright and charming and intelligent and you will turn things around for yourself. Hell even I fancy you now. (that last bit didn't help did it? sowwy!
) I agree about being happy when you take risks too .. there's nothing more rewarding than staking big style on something and it paying off .. it might not pay off sometimes and that's the gamble of course. As you know my business suffered a bit of a blow earlier this year with one particular episode and i really questioned whether it was worthwhile keeping on going when hard working folk such as me could get shit on in such a way .. but people are judged not on whether they succeed or fail generally but on the manner they do either .. of course of the two succeeeding is by far the preferred option .. but whatever you do do it gallantly. I've only just realised looking back on my recent past that I could have done things so much better, and now fully intend to turn the screws!! haha.
Ben, you're a star, you have a loyal fanbase of which I'm one .. it's not easy to get off your bum and make things happen when everything seems to be slapping you in the face with a wet kipper.. but the way you deal now will help you all the way down the line ...
I'll now hand back to someone who can give proper advice, i just wanted to tell you I think you're great
big hugs my man.
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