On £25k but 'poor'?! Misery thread...
Discussion
okgo said:
Yes true, but probably many of those that do, wouldn't, if they waited a bit?
Fertility drops off quite rapidly sooner than most people think.We waited (perhaps later than we should) for some stability and got away with it. Others may not be so lucky.
There's never a right time. If not now; then when?
In London it seems to be first child late twenties, 2nd early 30's, by that time people usually have enough cash behind them, it seems to work quite well.
Not quite sure why the provinces seems obsessed with reproduction as SOON as possible. Its quite odd to me that you want to give up your own life and career in many case to pop out kids early doors!
Not quite sure why the provinces seems obsessed with reproduction as SOON as possible. Its quite odd to me that you want to give up your own life and career in many case to pop out kids early doors!
Mr E said:
okgo said:
Yes true, but probably many of those that do, wouldn't, if they waited a bit?
Fertility drops off quite rapidly sooner than most people think.We waited (perhaps later than we should) for some stability and got away with it. Others may not be so lucky.
There's never a right time. If not now; then when?
Having seen everything they have gone through I would recommend that if you want children and really feel that you can't afford them now, then at least get tested to see if you can.
Edited by Blue Cat on Thursday 16th January 16:13
Best of luck to you OP, at least you are facing reality but to be honest I can't seeing it end well unless your wife takes some of the same reality pills you have. You're trying to build something and she seems to be pissing on the foundations and washing them away.
I won't offer any relationship advice but from a work point of view, both of you upskill as much as you can. My wife went to a s
t school and came out with bugger all qualifications. She has a work ethic and a decent brain so she did an OU degree in statistics then studied CIMA and is now a qualified accountant leading to very well-paid work. But it took years of long evenings and weekends studying after work plus a fair few quid as she paid for it all herself. So in short, success, however you measure it, usually means hard work and sacrifice and there are few short cuts.
Best of luck.
I won't offer any relationship advice but from a work point of view, both of you upskill as much as you can. My wife went to a s
t school and came out with bugger all qualifications. She has a work ethic and a decent brain so she did an OU degree in statistics then studied CIMA and is now a qualified accountant leading to very well-paid work. But it took years of long evenings and weekends studying after work plus a fair few quid as she paid for it all herself. So in short, success, however you measure it, usually means hard work and sacrifice and there are few short cuts.Best of luck.
All that jazz said:
Mr Gearchange said:
The OP isn't scrounging state handouts - he isn't taking any of YOUR money - and frankly this ridiculous view of 'don't have kids until doing so makes no financial impact on you' smacks of sanctimonious inexperience.
Don't talk ste please. What it "smacks of" is good sound advice when the OP is so broke that he can't even find a couple of quid to pay a basic household bill. The OP has even admitted several times that having another kid would be preposterously stupid given the current situation but he's too scared of putting his foot down and telling his control freak OH how it's gonna be and instead lets her run rings round him barking out orders and ultimatums if she doesn't get her own way. To use the old favourite, he needs to MTFU. 
But in general the PH position seems to be that nobody should have kids until losing one salary makes no difference to them financially. Which is ridiculous.
Virtually nobody is in a position where losing one salary makes no difference - so if the country followed this very sound PH advice nobody would have kids and the country would be utterly f
ked in 20 years time.A degree of financial hardship is part and parcel of having kids for 90% of people.
People on here seem unable to differentiate between those that have kids and find it tough financially and the entitled underclass breeding like rabbits in order to claim benefits and houses.
They really aren't the same thing.
Mr Gearchange said:
But in general the PH position seems to be that nobody should have kids until losing one salary makes no difference to them financially. Which is ridiculous.
Virtually nobody is in a position where losing one salary makes no difference - so if the country followed this very sound PH advice nobody would have kids and the country would be utterly fked in 20 years time.
A degree of financial hardship is part and parcel of having kids for 90% of people.
Absolutely spot on. Virtually nobody is in a position where losing one salary makes no difference - so if the country followed this very sound PH advice nobody would have kids and the country would be utterly f
ked in 20 years time.A degree of financial hardship is part and parcel of having kids for 90% of people.
It's nice to see some people sticking up for me while I was away! I don't have much to add that won't just be regurgitating what has already been said.
Try not to dwell on the £3 thing; it was an exaggeration I made which seems to have stuck! I have the money, it just wasn't in the right account at the time but I fortunately realised before the payment was taken. I have one account for house bills and another for the day to day stuff, another tip I think I picked up on PH a while back.
We went into parenthood with the right idea - we knew it would be a big financial commitment and that it would be a struggle without the support we've had from friends and family - not the state (aside from child benefit, which I think everyone is entitled to until a point) were we naive? Yes, probably, but I think that even with all the hindsight in the world it would still be difficult trying to justify a child financially. Right now our daughter is trying to climb up my back while I type this, she is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me and I find it almost offensive for her to be referred to as a mistake.
I came on here trying to be sincere, to see how others managed and to share and gather opinions on my various money-saving schemes, not to be berated for having had a child at 24 years old.
Right with that out of the way...
I've convinced my wife that we need to get back on our feet before we consider a second child. Whilst she only works part-time her income makes a surprising difference to the amount the lenders will give us for a mortgage. My target is to save 1200/ month, clearing my debts in under 4 months. From here I gather we will need at least £8k for a deposit - we just have to be disciplined. It will be interesting to see how it goes; our move-out date is the 7th March (handy it's a Friday) but I've got lots to do before then. I've never hung wallpaper before and the spare room has bare walls! Wish me luck!
Try not to dwell on the £3 thing; it was an exaggeration I made which seems to have stuck! I have the money, it just wasn't in the right account at the time but I fortunately realised before the payment was taken. I have one account for house bills and another for the day to day stuff, another tip I think I picked up on PH a while back.
We went into parenthood with the right idea - we knew it would be a big financial commitment and that it would be a struggle without the support we've had from friends and family - not the state (aside from child benefit, which I think everyone is entitled to until a point) were we naive? Yes, probably, but I think that even with all the hindsight in the world it would still be difficult trying to justify a child financially. Right now our daughter is trying to climb up my back while I type this, she is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me and I find it almost offensive for her to be referred to as a mistake.
I came on here trying to be sincere, to see how others managed and to share and gather opinions on my various money-saving schemes, not to be berated for having had a child at 24 years old.
Right with that out of the way...
I've convinced my wife that we need to get back on our feet before we consider a second child. Whilst she only works part-time her income makes a surprising difference to the amount the lenders will give us for a mortgage. My target is to save 1200/ month, clearing my debts in under 4 months. From here I gather we will need at least £8k for a deposit - we just have to be disciplined. It will be interesting to see how it goes; our move-out date is the 7th March (handy it's a Friday) but I've got lots to do before then. I've never hung wallpaper before and the spare room has bare walls! Wish me luck!
C.A.R. said:
It's nice to see some people sticking up for me while I was away! I don't have much to add that won't just be regurgitating what has already been said.
Try not to dwell on the £3 thing; it was an exaggeration I made which seems to have stuck! I have the money, it just wasn't in the right account at the time but I fortunately realised before the payment was taken. I have one account for house bills and another for the day to day stuff, another tip I think I picked up on PH a while back.
We went into parenthood with the right idea - we knew it would be a big financial commitment and that it would be a struggle without the support we've had from friends and family - not the state (aside from child benefit, which I think everyone is entitled to until a point) were we naive? Yes, probably, but I think that even with all the hindsight in the world it would still be difficult trying to justify a child financially. Right now our daughter is trying to climb up my back while I type this, she is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me and I find it almost offensive for her to be referred to as a mistake.
I came on here trying to be sincere, to see how others managed and to share and gather opinions on my various money-saving schemes, not to be berated for having had a child at 24 years old.
Right with that out of the way...
I've convinced my wife that we need to get back on our feet before we consider a second child. Whilst she only works part-time her income makes a surprising difference to the amount the lenders will give us for a mortgage. My target is to save 1200/ month, clearing my debts in under 4 months. From here I gather we will need at least £8k for a deposit - we just have to be disciplined. It will be interesting to see how it goes; our move-out date is the 7th March (handy it's a Friday) but I've got lots to do before then. I've never hung wallpaper before and the spare room has bare walls! Wish me luck!
Well I was/am one of the critics who say get yourself financially stable then have kids. BUT you seem to be doing the right things now.Try not to dwell on the £3 thing; it was an exaggeration I made which seems to have stuck! I have the money, it just wasn't in the right account at the time but I fortunately realised before the payment was taken. I have one account for house bills and another for the day to day stuff, another tip I think I picked up on PH a while back.
We went into parenthood with the right idea - we knew it would be a big financial commitment and that it would be a struggle without the support we've had from friends and family - not the state (aside from child benefit, which I think everyone is entitled to until a point) were we naive? Yes, probably, but I think that even with all the hindsight in the world it would still be difficult trying to justify a child financially. Right now our daughter is trying to climb up my back while I type this, she is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me and I find it almost offensive for her to be referred to as a mistake.
I came on here trying to be sincere, to see how others managed and to share and gather opinions on my various money-saving schemes, not to be berated for having had a child at 24 years old.
Right with that out of the way...
I've convinced my wife that we need to get back on our feet before we consider a second child. Whilst she only works part-time her income makes a surprising difference to the amount the lenders will give us for a mortgage. My target is to save 1200/ month, clearing my debts in under 4 months. From here I gather we will need at least £8k for a deposit - we just have to be disciplined. It will be interesting to see how it goes; our move-out date is the 7th March (handy it's a Friday) but I've got lots to do before then. I've never hung wallpaper before and the spare room has bare walls! Wish me luck!
GOOD LUCK!
C.A.R. said:
I've convinced my wife that we need to get back on our feet before we consider a second child. Whilst she only works part-time her income makes a surprising difference to the amount the lenders will give us for a mortgage. My target is to save 1200/ month, clearing my debts in under 4 months. From here I gather we will need at least £8k for a deposit - we just have to be disciplined. It will be interesting to see how it goes; our move-out date is the 7th March (handy it's a Friday) but I've got lots to do before then. I've never hung wallpaper before and the spare room has bare walls! Wish me luck!
Glad she's coming around to the idea, all's the better when you're in it together.I've not long been having a similar discussion with my missus about us buying vs. renting, and it took a long time to get her to agree to the idea that for now, even with the complications it's bringing, it's best for us to be living at home together, and clearing small debt/saving like mad to get on to the property ladder.
Would be madness not to use the opportunity to potentially set us up well for the next 10+ years.
WeirdNeville said:
Mr E said:
WeirdNeville said:
And it needs some more parents to drown out the 'double income, no kids, elise in the garage' set.
Is this some sort of Venn diagram you can share?C.A.R have you taken up MrE's offer yet? Sounds like the ticket to extra ££ in the short term.
And wallpaper???? For 4 months? You do like to make life difficult! Unless this is a parent proviso I'd be getting the emulsion out!! £30 for a contracters tub of white emulsion, a weekend sloshing it all on the walls a couple of nice colourful prints in frames and you're done!!
And wallpaper???? For 4 months? You do like to make life difficult! Unless this is a parent proviso I'd be getting the emulsion out!! £30 for a contracters tub of white emulsion, a weekend sloshing it all on the walls a couple of nice colourful prints in frames and you're done!!
Cheers guys.
Yes I've spoken with Mr E about his very generous offer and I've already been practicing my CAD work in my lunchbreaks at work.
Problem with the spare room is that it's in various states of un-decoration depending on which wall you look at! The external wall with the window in is bare - not even skimmed, so I can't really paint over it can I?
The other wall is bare plaster skim - will take paint nicely. The other wall has been attacked - it was once plasterboard, with wallpaper over the top, however someone has been a bit over-ambitious at removing said wallpaper and now the plasterboard is a bit knackered. I'm not sure how to rescue it to be honest! At the end of the day it's my folks house too, so whatever they say goes.
Yes I've spoken with Mr E about his very generous offer and I've already been practicing my CAD work in my lunchbreaks at work.
Problem with the spare room is that it's in various states of un-decoration depending on which wall you look at! The external wall with the window in is bare - not even skimmed, so I can't really paint over it can I?
The other wall is bare plaster skim - will take paint nicely. The other wall has been attacked - it was once plasterboard, with wallpaper over the top, however someone has been a bit over-ambitious at removing said wallpaper and now the plasterboard is a bit knackered. I'm not sure how to rescue it to be honest! At the end of the day it's my folks house too, so whatever they say goes.
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