14yr old- flash point over him living on his PlayStation
Discussion
Ityre said:
smifffymoto said:
After reading some of the advice here it seems many of you bully your children into submission.
It’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
So what is your advice in this situation?, you sound like a social worker, just let them do as want, 24/7 hooked to a device then cause as much trouble as possible as a means to get that device backIt’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
I don't see anything there saying 'let them do as they want' merely a reflection that parenting styles of domination and diktat simply do not work (indeed, they never did...). Let's not forget that it's not that long ago 14 would be seen as capable of living independently (my grandfather was kicked out of children's home in the 20s on his 13th birthday to go be an independent man) - tell a five year old what to do, work with a 14 year old to mutually identify problems and work together on solutions.
I believe it's called 'effective communication', instead of being a RSM at home and having your kids hate you for being such an overbearing tosser...
Christ! I realise that I sound like some Gen X codger and that such behaviour isn’t acceptable in todays world - but if I’d not obeyed an order from my mum or dad or answered them back I’d have got something ranging from a slap round the head to a good kicking. This didn’t really occur because i knew respect.
These days when common sense has gone out of the window in the OPs position I’d have chucked the console out of the window.
Since when did we start negotiating with kids?
These days when common sense has gone out of the window in the OPs position I’d have chucked the console out of the window.
Since when did we start negotiating with kids?
Dog Star said:
Christ! I realise that I sound like some Gen X codger and that such behaviour isn’t acceptable in todays world - but if I’d not obeyed an order from my mum or dad or answered them back I’d have got something ranging from a slap round the head to a good kicking. This didn’t really occur because i knew respect.
These days when common sense has gone out of the window in the OPs position I’d have chucked the console out of the window.
Since when did we start negotiating with kids?
We're talking about someone who in fewer than two years could be a legal parent, and join the army. Not long after that, they're full adult.These days when common sense has gone out of the window in the OPs position I’d have chucked the console out of the window.
Since when did we start negotiating with kids?
If we as parents are to prepare our kids for adulthood, is the right approach to act as a binary switch whereby before a certain birthday they 'do what they're told, without backchat, or get a slap', or progressively loosen the apron strings and work with them to gradually take more control over their lives?
I say this as someone who not too long ago was holding a £4k gaming PC out the window due to how he was talking to his mum. Fortunately, I got talked out of it (by Mrs) - firstly it'd have been a huge waste (could have been gifted to someone who 'deserved' it), secondly it'd have just entrenched the divide in opinion (and it is all opinion, there is no objective right or wrong answer here) and deepened the conflict.
You are between a rock and a hard place OP. As others have said, you and your other half MUST be backing each other up, or else he will divide and conquer.
Once you are agreed, sit him down and explain the rules. If he tells you to shut up and go away, then confiscate the PlayStation for a fixed time and explain that every time he goes against your instructions you will take it for a longer period. In addition, change the Wi-Fi settings and don’t give him the new ones until he complies.
In addition to the stick, you might find that the carrot works as well. When you sit him down to talk, offer rewards for things that he does that are positive for himself and your family. Try to be as balanced as possible, but never forget who is in control. You are trying to help and guide him through a challenging time in his life, you obviously want the best for him make sure he knows it!
You are in for a rough few weeks/months but it does get better once you have established who is in charge. Good luck!
Once you are agreed, sit him down and explain the rules. If he tells you to shut up and go away, then confiscate the PlayStation for a fixed time and explain that every time he goes against your instructions you will take it for a longer period. In addition, change the Wi-Fi settings and don’t give him the new ones until he complies.
In addition to the stick, you might find that the carrot works as well. When you sit him down to talk, offer rewards for things that he does that are positive for himself and your family. Try to be as balanced as possible, but never forget who is in control. You are trying to help and guide him through a challenging time in his life, you obviously want the best for him make sure he knows it!
You are in for a rough few weeks/months but it does get better once you have established who is in charge. Good luck!
Edited by Mr.Chips on Monday 8th April 19:25
Sway said:
Ityre said:
smifffymoto said:
After reading some of the advice here it seems many of you bully your children into submission.
It’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
So what is your advice in this situation?, you sound like a social worker, just let them do as want, 24/7 hooked to a device then cause as much trouble as possible as a means to get that device backIt’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
I don't see anything there saying 'let them do as they want' merely a reflection that parenting styles of domination and diktat simply do not work (indeed, they never did...). Let's not forget that it's not that long ago 14 would be seen as capable of living independently (my grandfather was kicked out of children's home in the 20s on his 13th birthday to go be an independent man) - tell a five year old what to do, work with a 14 year old to mutually identify problems and work together on solutions.
I believe it's called 'effective communication', instead of being a RSM at home and having your kids hate you for being such an overbearing tosser...
NRG1976 said:
vaud said:
NRG1976 said:
The western culture really over-complicates parenting, it really isn’t that hard. Ethnics know how to parent and they get high achievers who love and respect them, and are yet still afraid of the discipline !
Who are "ethnics"?/ˈɛθnɪk/
noun
OFFENSIVE•DATED
plural noun: ethnics
a member of an ethnic minority.
Dad of 3 here (17 girl, 16 boy and 13 boy).
You have my sympathies OP.
We found turning off the internet at 10pm the biggest success in our household. Not just for the kids, but for us parents as well. It stopped any secret gaming after bedtime, which was our biggest concern/issue.
We let ours play games in the evening once all homework had been done, as it really was a big part of their social life with friends.
Encourage other activities (sport is the obvious one for those so inclined, and we were lucky as all are keen on sport). Musical instruments, music in general also a great release and time filler in the evenings.
Number one though, act as one with your wife. I know it has been mentioned loads of times here, but it was the number one thing we were taught watching Super Nanny, when working out how to bring up kids!
You have my sympathies OP.
We found turning off the internet at 10pm the biggest success in our household. Not just for the kids, but for us parents as well. It stopped any secret gaming after bedtime, which was our biggest concern/issue.
We let ours play games in the evening once all homework had been done, as it really was a big part of their social life with friends.
Encourage other activities (sport is the obvious one for those so inclined, and we were lucky as all are keen on sport). Musical instruments, music in general also a great release and time filler in the evenings.
Number one though, act as one with your wife. I know it has been mentioned loads of times here, but it was the number one thing we were taught watching Super Nanny, when working out how to bring up kids!
We turned off the router at bedtime to stop my son playing online all night.
He guessed the neighbours passwords and used their internet to carry on playing after the rest of the house had gone to sleep.
Its absolutely an addiction, I have no sure suggestions on how to help but be very careful it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your partner.
He guessed the neighbours passwords and used their internet to carry on playing after the rest of the house had gone to sleep.
Its absolutely an addiction, I have no sure suggestions on how to help but be very careful it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your partner.
kev b said:
We turned off the router at bedtime to stop my son playing online all night.
He guessed the neighbours passwords and used their internet to carry on playing after the rest of the house had gone to sleep.
Its absolutely an addiction, I have no sure suggestions on how to help but be very careful it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your partner.
He guessed the neighbours passwords and used their internet to carry on playing after the rest of the house had gone to sleep.
Its absolutely an addiction, I have no sure suggestions on how to help but be very careful it doesn’t drive a wedge between you and your partner.
!Congrats on your son being 5000 IQ !
Ityre said:
smifffymoto said:
After reading some of the advice here it seems many of you bully your children into submission.
It’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
So what is your advice in this situation?, you sound like a social worker, just let them do as want, 24/7 hooked to a device then cause as much trouble as possible as a means to get that device backIt’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
I’m an ordinary bloke who has had a very challenging time with his son.
CountyAFC said:
Don't turn this into a race issue FFS.
But if you think there's no issues in young Asian communities you absolutely off your f
king rocker.
Or that there aren’t kids of first generation immigrants with great qualifications, successful professional careers, and deep seated psychological scars from their upbringings. But if you think there's no issues in young Asian communities you absolutely off your f
king rocker.
I know a few 16-20 year olds who spent half of their life glued to PlayStations till the early hours. Their communication skills are not great to say the least.
Im definetly going to minimise screen time for my kids and will take a lot of pain and friction before I relent for an easy life as Im absolutely convinced too much of it isnt good for them.
I view it as a “competitive advantage” for my kids if they come out of it with better social and communication skills and broader interests.
Im definetly going to minimise screen time for my kids and will take a lot of pain and friction before I relent for an easy life as Im absolutely convinced too much of it isnt good for them.
I view it as a “competitive advantage” for my kids if they come out of it with better social and communication skills and broader interests.
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