Cracking retorts...

[UncleDave]

Fatboy said:

[Mrs Trackside]

Which part of the word no don't you understand?

[bobthemonkey]

cracking piece there fatboy, how about a nice clamp and condensor to go with it

[BCA]

*Yawns* as the other person keeps talking... whilst still talking, says "YAWN" " You see, I say yawn, because when I actually yawn you dont get it."

Jordan from Scrubs

[killer2005]

Plotloss said:

If someone calls you a cnut.

Simply reply 'Can'

You've lost me there

[Plotloss]

Can't...

Edited by Plotloss on Saturday 16th September 00:49

[killer2005]

Ahhh i see

[Astacus]

fatboy this is not the cracking retort stand thread

[shirley temple]

Fatboy said:

youwant to be carefull mate, any sharper and you may cut your self;hehe:

[Flat in Fifth]

scoobz said:

"So's your face."

Can be used anywhere anytime to anything said. Even if it doesnt make sense.

Courtesy of Scrubs

Not to mention the "Your face, my arse." throwaway line

[GingerNinja]

When a female friend/collegue complains about being cold, my standard response is:

"You want to get something warm inside you".

[JWB]

As this is a car forum.....from perhaps the greatest film ever.....

If you see somebody you know driving a flash car......

"Hey is that really you in that car?" (Driver will look well chuffed, as he has been "seen" )

"Gee what a waste of beautiful machinery......."



They also use "Your mother" as in insult in the same said film, so the phrase is not some modern gangsta speak.

John

Edited by JWB on Saturday 16th September 09:46

[mxdi]

I like using the 'what you looking at?' 'dunno, label fell off' phrase

unfortunately my other half uses 'expensive things dont have prices' retort

[Cotty]

Anyone watch MythBusters?, there is a classic when someone points out that Adam Savage's percentages dont add up to 100

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."

JWB said:

As this is a car forum.....from perhaps the greatest film ever.....

If you see somebody you know driving a flash car......

"Hey is that really you in that car?" (Driver will look well chuffed, as he has been "seen" )

"Gee what a waste of beautiful machinery......."

American Graffiti, cracking film

[dennisthemenace]

Keep smiling sunshine your f**king special ,
said to a pisshead chav who hurled abuse at me and a few mates one night ,

[mondeohdear]

skinnyboy said:

"what you looking at?"

"I don't know, i left my National Geographic at home today..."

Variations

"What are you looking at?"

"I don't know, the label's fallen off"

or

"I'm sorry, I've got this morbid fascination for road kill" (probably a bit too subtle)

[mondeohdear]

Flat in Fifth said:

Not to mention the "Your face, my arse." throwaway line

Is that not the response to "Have you got a match?"

[Frik]

dennisthemenace said:

Keep smiling sunshine your f**king special ,
said to a pisshead chav who hurled abuse at me and a few mates one night ,

What did he say to that? "My f**cking special what?"

[JonRB]

A lot of these comebacks can be neutralised with the response "you know, that was quite effective the first time I heard it."

For added weight, you can add "but after the first few hundred times it kind of lost its effect a bit".

If you actually know where it comes from then you can use the equally devestating "that was quite witty and original when Winston Churchill first said it" (for example).

[JonRB]

Heard a great comeback by a female standup comedienne to the standard "get yer tits out" heckle.

She just replied "zip your flies up, mate; your brain's hanging out".